Through this love-lust sea, Anna comes to a grim and sobering realization that places doubt in her head.
Chapter Thirteen: While We’re in Love:
/ When I think of him my thoughts are of safety
And all that that apathetic word entails.
Comfort and the promise of security--
From him my thoughts are veiled.
He is calm, and defers me.
Too tired to want more.
He smiles, but I sigh.
Too sad to be sure./
All I ever wanted was a balance.
/ I let you lead, and
You led me to defeat.
You always knew my mind.
Fear and love and quiet deceit
Were your gifts to me. You, killing
Me with your cruel words, sharp eyes.
Passion and pain, dark, warm, and thrilling.
When I think of you my thoughts are of blood./
The rain spilled itself through the night with Tsuzuki and Anna lying awake in bed. Nothing X-rated; Rihoko assassinated that possibility tonight when she walked in on them by accident earlier this morning. No, it was more of the PG-13-rated kissing and naked cuddling. Tsuzuki embraced Anna with his warmth and love inside of his body. His woman should be happy, yeah? Tsuzuki’s warm dream-filled amethyst eyes trailed down to his new lover.
“Anna-chan, what’s on your mind?” he whispered. The woman slowly lifted her head with melancholy clouds drowning her hazel-green eyes.
“Am I that open to you?” she questioned softly. Tsuzuki didn’t answer her as Anna’s heart sank in her chest. He didn’t need to part his lips for her to get it. Might as well confess it now, those beautiful violet eyes were already drilling into her soul for three days. A soft, heavy sigh escaped from her lips.
“We are in a relationship now, right?” she asked. The Shinigami nodded as he rubbed her shoulders.
“I guess…” he started to say.
“No,” Anna pleaded in a desperate whisper, “Don’t guess. Yes or no, we are in a relationship. Please tell me now.” Tsuzuki didn’t know how to answer at first. His fingers found their way to her spine.
“Yes,” he replied, “We are in a relationship. Why?” Anna shut her eyes as she tried to piece together her words she wanted to say. Her heart rang itself in a knot of thorns. She reached up and stroked his left cheek feather-like with her fingertips. Such a beautiful person…
“You deserve more than me,” she confessed with a heavy heart. She could feel the dry tears tracing down her soft cheeks. Tsuzuki didn’t pick up what she was getting at.
“What do you mean?” he asked. Anna closed her mouth as if she had swallowed something bitter. Her face trailed down to his arms securely around her curved body. Tsuzuki/; /such an angel… Anna found herself lucky to have fallen for such a good man; almost too lucky even.
“We’re not meant to be together,” Anna forced out of her mouth. Tsuzuki didn’t even ask what she was going on about.
“Why do you believe that?” he challenged. Anna swallowed a bitter lump in her throat. The thorn ropes around her heart tightened with each pause. She knew this would hurt, but it still managed to catch her off-guard. It would be better to stop now; yet, the thorn ropes inside squeezed her to keep on.
“This relationship won’t last,” she whispered as she clenched her fists against his chest, “We weren’t supposed to fall in love, but we did.” She didn’t wait for a response; the twisting pain wouldn’t let her shut up.
“I love you dearly,” Anna confessed, “I am so happy that we are together. I’m so lucky to be with a man like you. But…” She hiccupped a dry sob; the twisting reached her throat now. Anna shut her eyes tightly to finish her reasoning. “The timing was at the worst possible moment it could be,” she rushed to say. Tsuzuki’s hand softly tangled itself in her hair.
“I know,” he whispered.
“We have entered into a fragile thing,” Anna whispered to his chest, “So much could happen. It didn’t hit me until now. The others at Ju-Oh-Cho could find out, my family could kill me, the Hell Stone could break down inside of me, I could end up pushing you away…” Her body gave way to trembling in his arms. “The worst part is,” she closed, “You have gotten so close to me too quickly. It took my college friends years to even get their feet in my glass box. You see through me without trying.” She trembled at that very thought alone. “That scares me and I don’t know how to deal with it.” Her thoughts were interrupted when Tsuzuki gently lifted her face. Her eyes widened when she saw that he was smiling.
“Shhh,” he whispered, “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” She lowered and shifted her eyes away. Another wave of trembles came over her body. She forced herself to keep looking down as a bubble got choked up in her soul.
“I’m just…” she admitted, “I’m just… I’m just scared. This is all new to me.” Tsuzuki’s warm embrace drew her in closer to his naked love. Anna’s lips slowly drew closed.
“It’s okay,” Tsuzuki reassured her, “I think about those every day as well. We’ll just have work through our problems and live through this until it’s over. I’m not going to leave you.” The bubble in Anna’s soul kept its shape.
“You promise?” she asked. Tsuzuki gently kissed her on the head.
“I won’t leave you; no matter what,” he swore, “I want you to hold these words as you drift off to sleep tonight. Understand?” Anna’s eyes slowly sank shut with a strange, new sense of relief.
“Yes, Asato-kun,” she murmured. The shinigami quickly directed his eyes down to his girl.
“Asato-kun, huh?” he asked.
“Mmm…” Anna murmured as she sank into a heavy peaceful sleep. Tsuzuki kissed her on the forehead.
“You’re going to be okay,” he whispered, “We will be okay.” The shinigami let his eyes sink shut. They slept in each other’s arms as rain spilled on into the night.