I began to speak first when I noticed he was not planning to say anything anytime soon. "Ok... Now I feel totally and completely stupid. Umm, I don't know what I was thinking... Or, well, actually what I'm doing right now. So I'm just gonna turn around, leave, sprint, scream, and punch a wall. Goodbye now." I did a complete 180 on my heels. Wanting desperately to be rid of this conversation. How stupid and idiotic of me. Just today he had admitted his love for me while I told him no. Not for now. Not today. Nothing. Zero. Nadda. And here I am! Acting like an utter fool.
Before I could even make it out of the doorway a hand was pulling me back. A very gentle, loving hand. A hand that could belong to no other than Gerard. I turned around slowly. "I'm glad you changed your mind," is all that he said before he leaned in to give me a passionate kiss. Well, I can imagine it would have been passionate. I backed away from him before his inticing lips could pull me in.
I took a deep breath before I stepped back toward him, seeing the hurt look plastered on his face. "Not so fast."
"Is it me? Did I do something wrong? Does my breath stink?" He seemed so sincere, so worried.
I shook my head. "You didn't do anything wrong. I.. I just want to wait. Slow down."
He nodded his head, solemly at first. He replaced his attempts of trying to kiss me and took my hand instead. His eyes gazing into mine. I was locked in that position, unable to move, breathe, let alone try to speak. Still staring intently at me he rose my hand up and planted a quick and light yet completely romantic kiss on the back of my hand.
For once you did something right Rosemary, you scored a good one this time. No need to worry about being hurt again. Go ahead and kiss him. No matter how much I wanted to and no matter how many times I began to lean in to snatch a kiss I could not bring myself to. "I'm sorry.." It was quieter than a whisper. After it was out I wished I hadn't said it, hoped he didn't hear it. He would ask 'What for?' and that would leave me no choice but tell him the real reason why I don't want to kiss him. Although, I already told him about Chad. I didn't want him to hear the true words from my mouth. 'Oh, I'm just worried your going to practically turn into a serial killer like Chad. Yep, you heard right! I'm comparing you to Chad. Yes, THAT Chad. The one who basically almost killed me twice.' Nope, that would not be a pleasant conversation. I knew I would have to tell him anyways though.
"What's wrong, Rose?" His grip got tighter, trying to comfort me, coax me into telling him Everything.
"Nothing." I know my words sounded too sharp.
"Why are you acting like this? Not just right now. But like the past day or two." I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to give him an answer but I knew I wouldn't let myself. I wouldn't tell everyone my problems.
"Like what?" I said, foot tapping the ground, daring him to say more.
But I should know better not to challenge Gerard. He stood his ground while his facial features didn't waver one bit. "You seem like you aren't happy. Isn't this what you wanted? To be famous and singing. Isn't this your dream; to have someone love you more than he could ever explain, to have someone chasing after you, him also in love with you and becoming a rock goddess? Isn't that what you wanted?"
I knew exactly what he was talking about. The behavior, the 'he's'. Him and Brendon. I guess he noticed it too. I began a sentence but he wouldn't let me finish. "Are you depressed? What's going on? I need to know what you're keeping from me. When I met you you were so happy go lucky and absolutely crazy. Every inch of that has been wiped away now."
My head was down, staring at the ground. When I looked back up I had tears falling down my cheeks. Remembering the text I recieved yesterday night. I thought I could hide it from everyone, including myself. Hoping if I didn't think or talk about it long enough it would dissapear like it never existed. I guess I was wrong.
"I got a text last night." I took a deep breath in preparing myself for the rest. "From Chad. He told me how he saw me on MTV and that I'd be seeing him very soon. That he's not finished. We aren't finished. It just really freaked me out. And right now, well, that and I'm nervous. I don't want this to be like Chad. I don't want to get hurt again. So, in my mind if we don't go farther and just stay in one spot I can't get hurt again."
"You're safe with me. Everywhere you go you'll have someone watching after you. I won't let him get to you. I'll make the guys aware, the body guards, and" He began cringing before he could say the next person. I already knew who he was talking about. Only one person could make him act so repulsed. "And Brendon. Everyone will have your back. As for you getting hurt, I would never hurt you in any ways at all. That is a promise."
"I hate saying these words. Oh well, here it goes. I'm just scared." My lip trembed, a sad, pitiful sign of weakness.
"Like I told you, I promise to never hurt you. And I also promise that he won't hurt you. I have a surprise for you tomorrow morning. After the boring music convention we have to go to sometimes."
I was so excited to hear the word surprise. I started jumping up and down, clapping my hands together. "What kind of surprise?"
"I can't tell you that. It wouldn't be a surprise then. All I can tell you is that you are going to be so excited."
My best puppy dog face came into view on my face. Gee shook his head. His finger gently trailed across my lips, making me shiver. Every inch of me dying inside to kiss him.
"I love you, Rosemary Blake." His voice sounded so sexy yet so compassionate, like he couldn't be happier.
"I love you too, Gerard Way." I reluctantly began to lean foward, he does the same. Just when our lips were about to meet, so close that I could feel his breath, the door swung open. Frankie ran in, grabbed Gerard by the arm and took off toward the front of the bus. There goes that. There goes keeping it a secret. How would he have known to come in right then unless he had been spying on us?
"What, Frank?!" Gerard said, irritation clearly in his voice.
"Oh, nothing. Just wanted to say hi." Frank had a goofy grin, a mischevious smirk.
I looked on the couch and saw Lilly falling asleep. I tapped Gerard's shoulder, telling him that Lilly and I were going to sleep. He looked sad but he just nodded a response. Laying on the top bunk with a snoring Lilly underneath me I felt a need to text Gerard.
'I love you. Good night.'
I got a response quickly. 'Thought u were asleep already. I love u too. Night'
I felt butterflies in my stomach and my heart started fluttering.
I layed down, feeling like I would be able to sleep much better now. I shut my eyes and started dreaming but for once it wasn't about being Mikey or Gerard's girlfriend. Because I didn't have to dream about such things, it was already true. I had my whole life layed out before me. A job I adore. A family that loves me. A man that I could probably live forever with. Yet, I had a weird feeling at the pit of my stomach that this was only the beginning of things. Beginning of good or bad, love or hate, life or death, happiness and most deffinitley tradgedy.