The kitchen seemed to be the place to be tonight. Everyone was there, having a good time. And I was leaning against the kitchen counter laughing at a joke Derek had just made. A few people were drinking, but not everyone, obviously not me. I was mid-laugh when I saw Lilly walk through the kitchen and toward the living room, looking upset.
‘Lilly!’ I called in sing-song, as Bert walked into the room. He sat down at the table and smiled at Jeph, who was sitting across from him.
‘What are you smiling about?’ Jeph asked him.
‘I can’t smile? Fine.’ Bert put on a scowl, and then laughed, which caused me to laugh.
‘It’s just that smile… It was familiar, as if you were up to something again.’ He looked at Bert.
‘No. Why would I be up to something?’ Bert asked defending himself.
‘Now you’re really making it seem like you are up to something Bert.’ Jeph poked him.
‘Shut up dude. I’m not.’ Bert said, laughing at Jeph. I sighed and hopped on the counter.
‘Whatever dude. Where’s Lilly?’ Jeph asked me.
‘Living room.’ I told him simply. Before Jeph could do or say anything, Lilly walked into the kitchen. It looked like she had been crying. ‘Hey you.’ I said to her, smiling.
She looked at me and almost started to speak, ‘Yoob.’ That was all she said.
‘Are you drunk?’ Jeph asked her.
‘No.’ She said plainly.
‘She’s drunk.’ Sonny announced.
‘Om, me lobely broder.’ Lilly smiled a wicked smile.
‘Yes?’ Sonny laughed.
‘Gob fooker ourself.’ She stuck her tongue out at him.
‘Rather not, thanks.’ He said.
‘I lobe you Jerph.’ She smiled.
‘Sure you do.’ Jeph laughed.
‘I think you need to get some rest sis.’ Sonny said walking up to Lilly, ‘Where are you sleeping at?’
‘At the floor.’ She said.
‘Alright. I hope you have a good time on the floor.’ Sonny joked. ‘But for real.’
‘No.’ Lilly pointed.
‘Wow you’re drunk. Get to bed.’ Sonny ordered.
‘Go poo.’ She laughed extremely hard at this point.
‘I think I’m getting tired. Have fun in the bathroom Sonny.’ Livvy said.
‘Oh, I will.’ He laughed, ‘Where can she sleep?’ He was asking everyone in general.
‘She usually sleeps wherever.’ Jeph said.
‘Me you.’ Lilly pointed to Jeph and back to herself.
‘What?’ Jeph looked confused.
‘Bed.’ She said.
‘Now?’ He asked, ‘No just kidding. What do you want Lilly?’
‘You bed.’ She smiled.
‘You want my bed? I sleep on that.’ He told Lilly.
‘Hump.’ She cracked up, ‘So.’
‘Go to bed.’ Jeph’s eyes widened.
‘No.’ She protested.
‘I’m not going to argue with you. Where are you sleeping?’ He asked her.
‘You.’ She told him.
‘I think she’s made up her mind dude.’ Sonny said to Jeph.
‘I tooted.’ Lilly chuckled.
‘Lilly. Get yourself together!’ I advised her.
‘Bert mean!’ She shouted pointing at him.
‘What?’ Jeph asked, looking at Bert who looked at the table.
Lilly looked as if she were going to start to cry, ‘He tongue me.’
‘…what?’ I asked, not smiling at all. The room fell silent.
‘Came on me.’ She said.
‘He came on you?’ I asked her, not believing what she was saying. She was drunk after all.
‘This.’ She grabbed Jeph and started making out with him.
I looked over at Bert, who wasn’t looking at anyone. ‘Ok Lilly. I get your point.’
‘Bed please?’ She somewhat asked Jeph, completely forgetting what was happening.
‘Yes, fine.’ Jeph said. Everyone else was pleased that she was going to bed as well, she wasn’t too smart drunk. We all said goodnight to them and they went to Jeph’s room. Derek whistled from the opposite side of the kitchen, then the room was quiet again. The only sound was from the TV Quinn was watching. I stared at Bert.
‘She’s lying. I wouldn’t do that again.’ Bert said to me.
‘How can I believe that she’s lying when you’ve done it before?’ I asked him, trying to stay calm.
‘Would you believe a drunk or me?’ He asked me.
‘I don’t know Bert.’ I sighed.
‘Ok, ok. I made out with her, and I don’t know why. Could be the vodka I’ve drank, but I don’t know. I didn’t mean to.’ He tried to explain.
The TV in the living room slowly quieted, Travis’ mouth fell open, and I stood there like an idiot crying.
‘What the hell Bert!’ I shouted.
‘I don’t know!’ He yelled back. Quinn walked closer to the two of us, as if we were going to fight.
‘Don’t get too worked up over this Livvy.’ Quinn said in my ear and hugged me.
‘And why shouldn’t I?’ I asked him.
‘Because this type of stress is bad for you. You should rest and talk in the morning. Maybe there will be no yelling and actual talking involved.’ He smiled at me.
Is Quinn on drugs? ‘What are you trying to say?’ I asked him.
‘I’m just saying, NO fighting, please. I can see where this is going to end up, ok. You are going to get mad at Bert, and there will be fighting and yelling. No one needs that. Now, talk tomorrow about it.’ He said trying to convince me to go to bed.
‘Yeah sure whatever, why are you taking this out on me?!’ I asked him.
‘What do you mean? I’m trying to be helpful.’ Quinn said to me.
‘Well, you aren’t helping Quinn!’ Bert said to him.
‘You two would be calmer in the morning, I’m telling you.’ Quinn said then sat down, obviously backing out of the conversation, ‘And I don’t want to see Livvy cry.’ He mumbled.
‘Why do you care about that?’ Bert asked Quinn, turning his attention on him.
‘Peace, I’m out.’ Quinn said and turned to walk toward his room.
‘Answer my question Quinn.’ Bert said calmly.
‘Good night Berty.’ He said and walked downstairs.
Everyone was watching and waiting, like this was a movie in theatres. The door to the basement shut and Bert looked back at me.
‘What?’ I asked him, tears in my eyes.
‘I’m sorry.’ He said.
‘How am I supposed to know if you’re really sorry?’ I asked.
‘You can only trust that I am. You hate me now, don’t you?’ He asked me.
‘Bert. In case you don’t remember, you just made out with one of my best friends.’ I said looking him straight in the eye.
‘Go make out with my best friend, so I know how it feels. It seems like Quinn might have more than friendship feelings for you!’ Bert almost shouted.
‘What the fuck?! Are you trying to push me away?!’ I shouted.
‘No, I just don’t know how you feel right now. I guess that’s all. I’m sorry.’ He said trying to sound innocent.
‘So you want me to hurt you? I wouldn’t. I love you. And I can’t fucking believe you!’ I said crying again.
‘Shh, shh now. It’s ok baby.’ Derek said trying to comfort me.
‘Fuck off Derek.’ Bert said to him, ‘I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, don’t worry.’
‘Whatever Bert.’ I said wiping my eyes.
‘I don’t deserve you Livvy. Fucking HURT ME, I deserve that. Pain.’ He yelled.
‘Why would you want me to do that?’ I asked him calmly.
‘Because it’s what I deserve. I need sleep.’ He said.
‘Good night guys.’ I said and walked down the hallway to my room.
I woke up to find myself next to Jeph. I don’t remember coming into his room last night. Well, I don’t remember anything from last night. I hoped that we didn’t do anything. I looked over at the clock and saw it was only 10 am. ‘We don’t sleep in past nine around here.’ Livvy’s voice rang in my ears. I wanted to go back to sleep, but I needed something for this headache. I walked into the living room, and saw Bert sitting on the couch, that’s when it hit me, what happened last night. Well, some of what had happened. Just the kissing part.
‘Were you drunk at all last night?’ I asked Bert.
‘Partially.’ He mumbled.
‘Oh…’ I said.
‘You remember?’ He asked.
‘Remember what exactly?’ I asked him.
‘What do you think?’ He shot at me, looking up at me for the first time.
‘What, you sticking your fucking tongue in my mouth?’ I shot back.
‘I already feel like shit as it is, thank you.’ He said.
‘Well, you should. You fucking brought this onto yourself.’ I didn’t care about his feelings at the moment. I was wondering how Livvy was.
‘Shut the fuck up Lilly.’ Bert said to me.
‘Make me bitch.’ I said.
‘Will you just go do what you were going to do?’ He asked me.
‘Fine, I will.’ I said and walked up to him, and slapped him across the face, ‘Done.’
‘Bitch!’ He said putting his hand to where I slapped him.
‘You know you deserve more than that.’ I told him.
‘I don’t need anything from you.’ He told me simply.
‘Fuck you.’ I said and left the room to go to the kitchen. I felt very hungry. After I found some food, I decided to see how Livvy was taking all of this. I went to her room, but she wasn’t in there, which was strange. I looked in the bathroom, Jeph’s room, living room, kitchen, and all there was left was Quinn’s room. I walked slowly down the stairs, being as quiet as I could. I didn’t want to wake anyone. When I got down there, I could just see Quinn’s bed. I noticed that it wasn’t just Quinn in the bed, but Livvy too.
‘Oh god.’ I said out loud, without meaning to. I saw someone look up at me, and I knew it wasn’t Livvy. He looked at me for a minute, then got out of bed. He walked up to me, and looked at me.
‘It’s not what you think.’ He said, his voice cracking from having just woken up.
‘It’s exactly what I think. But, it doesn’t matter though does it, because we aren’t together, and will never be together, ever again.’ I said to him.
‘Why would I do that, honestly? I don’t like Livvy like that. She came in here last night.’ Quinn tried telling me.
‘Just stop Quinn, it’s ok. You don’t have to try to explain to me, I know you are lying to me. Livvy wouldn’t do that, knowing how much I loved you. But I don’t care anymore.’ I said as calmly as I possibly could.
‘What the fuck?’ Livvy said walking up to us.
‘I should be saying the same thing to both of you. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Bert.’ I said to Livvy.
‘I’m sorry.’ She said sincerely, then glared at Quinn.
‘Don’t worry Livvy, I’m not mad at you. I’m fucking pissed at this one.’ I said pointing to Quinn.
‘Everything’s my fault! Quinn Quinn Quinn!’ Quinn said looking between the two of us.
‘So it seems Quinn. You didn’t have to do this, but you did anyway, so in a way it is your fault. And in a way, you ruined any chance for us to ever be.’ I told him straight forward.
‘It didn’t mean anything.’ He pleaded with me.
‘But, you still DID IT! You didn’t have to do it, even if it didn’t mean anything, you still fucked her. It seems like you took advantage of the situation Livvy was in.’ I said to him.
‘Why would I do that?’ Quinn asked trying to act innocent.
‘Because you’re a fucking asshole Quinn. Thank you for this.’ Livvy said to him.
‘I agree with Livvy.’ I slapped him across the face, and Livvy did the same after I did.
‘I need to--uhh, go.’ Livvy said and ran upstairs.
‘I’m sorry. You know me, I’m full of mistakes.’ Quinn tried again.
‘And, you’ve made one too many.’ I sighed.
‘Will you please forgive me?’ He asked, knowing the answer.
‘I can’t Quinn. You’ve officially broken my heart for the last time.’ I looked down at my feet.
‘And why aren’t you pissed at Livvy?’ Quinn started to get agitated.
‘I am a little, but it was up to you to control yourself, but you didn’t. Livvy was upset and could of easily been taken advantage of…’ I mumbled.
‘I’m sorry.’ He sighed looking at the floor.
I touched his chin and made him look at me, ‘What do you have to be sorry for, it’s not like we have a great meaningful relationship or anything.’ I moved my hand away from him and looked away from him.
‘I’m sorry for putting you through this. I want to be the perfect guy for you, and be in that great meaningful relationship with you. I’m sorry for breaking your heart every month, and I’m sorry for what just happened. I’m also sorry for everything I’ve put you through, and every time I make you cry. I don’t deserve you one bit.’ He sighed.
‘Quinn, you know I can’t forgive. Just, forget about me and move on now. I don’t think I can forgive you for this… This last time just hurt the worst…’ I sighed.
‘I can’t forget you. I love you. And, I know that if I’m supposed to love you, I would never do something like this. But I’m a big dumb fuck.’ Quinn said bluntly.
‘You are. I can’t say I love you as much as I use to, because this has changed things. My love for you has changed, ok? Don’t love me anymore!’ I cried.
‘I still love you, and always will.’ He told me.
‘I just can’t ever be with you again, I’ve made up my mind. I’ll be upstairs.’ I told him and left. I slammed the basement door behind me and just sat there crying. I didn’t know why I was crying exactly, but I knew what I wanted now. I wasn’t confused anymore. But, I couldn’t get up, my legs didn’t want to move. I heard the toilet flush, and suddenly Jeph appeared in front of me.
‘Why so glum cutie pie?’ He asked me.
‘Quinn’s an asshole. That’s all.’ I told him.
‘How so?’ He asked, sitting down next to me.
‘He fucked Livvy. I told him I’ve made up my mind and that he and I are never going to be…ever.’ I said.
‘What?’ Jeph looked completely lost and blown away.
‘I’m not confused anymore. I know what I want. And, I don’t want him.’ I explained a tiny bit.
‘So what is it that your heart desires?’ Jeph questioned me.
‘You already know that answer. I’m not messing with you, like I’ve told you before. My heart wants you.’
Jeph smiled at me, ‘Well if it was me, I would have answered that my heart desires a big steaming omelet. Care to make me one darling?’ He asked giving me a quick kiss and hopping up off the floor, helping me up as well.
‘That sounds great.’ I smiled and walked with him toward the kitchen.
I was standing in the kitchen drinking a glass of water, trying to be as quiet as I could. I wasn’t sure if anyone else was up until I heard someone in the living room. I stood there, frozen to my spot, and saw Bert walk in the room. I wanted to run and cry, just to get away from everything, but I couldn’t. I looked down in my glass and tears started coming to my eyes.
‘Hey.’ I said to him.
‘Hey, I’m sorry.’ He said walking toward me.
‘You shouldn’t be, I should.’ I told him.
‘Why?’ He asked.
‘Because I fucked Quinn.’ I said looking away from him.
‘It’s… it’ll be ok. I guess…’ He said shaking.
‘No it won’t be, you hate me. I hate myself.’ I said.
‘I don’t hate you, I love you. I told you to do something with Quinn, and now I understand how you’ve felt about me doing things behind your back.’ He sighed.
‘I’m sorry…’ I looked back up at him.
‘Let’s just take a break for a while ok? I think that would be good for us.’ He sat down at the table.
‘I can understand that. Just know that I love you and I’m sorry.’ I told him setting my empty glass next to the sink.
‘I love you too. It’s just, I’m going out to Cali with Sonny. …yeah.’ He got up and stood next to me. Before I could say anything he pulled me into a hug.
‘When are you leaving?’ I asked him.
‘In a few days. I’m going to take a shower. I love you.’ He smiled and walked away from me.
‘I love you too.’ I mumbled, suddenly noticing Jeph and Lilly sitting at the table eating omelets.
‘Mm, this is yummy.’ Jeph smiled at Lilly. Things seemed different between them.
‘Hey you two.’ I put on a fake smile sitting down across from Lilly.
‘Hey, are you alright?’ Lilly asked me.
‘I don’t know.’ I sighed looking at her omelet.
‘Well, everything will work out in the end. Do you want the rest of my omelet? I’m full.’ She asked pushing her plate toward me.
‘I’m not really hungry.’ I said taking a bite of the omelet, and setting the fork back down.
‘Ohh! You don’t want it! No! I want it! Gimmie!’ Jeph yelled lunging for the plate.
‘No no! Back off, it’s Livvy’s. Eat it Livvy!’ Lilly slapped Jeph’s hands away from the plate sitting in front of me.
‘That’s not fair!’ Jeph pouted.
‘Fine, I’ll eat. I’m not in the mood though.’ I told them.
‘Uh-huh.’ Lilly looked at me and turned toward Jeph and whispered something in his ear.
‘It’s not nice to keep secrets.’ I told them pointing my fork at the two.
‘I was just telling him something.’ Lilly defended herself.
‘Ok.’ Jeph smiled at her and brought his plate to the sink.
‘Really?’ She asked him.
‘Of course.’ He said and gave her a kiss.
‘Yes. Thank you guys.’ I said taking another bite of my food.
‘Huh?’ Lilly said.
‘You are welcome sista.’ Jeph laughed.
‘Yes, cause I really appreciated that bro.’ I told him.
‘Appreciated what now?’ Lilly asked me.
‘Nothing. I feel like shit.’ I said plainly.
‘Well, don’t feel like that. I’m not mad at you for anything. And, Bert will forgive you. He loves you. It’s weird that he and Sonny are going to Cali together, when both of them love you.’ She tried to make me feel better.
‘Yeah, I guess.’ I laughed a little.
‘Jeph and I are dating now!’ She exclaimed.
‘I’m happy for you!’ I smiled.
‘Thanks sis.’ Jeph hugged me, ‘You don’t know how happy I am.’ He whispered into my ear.
‘Oh I think I know.’ I laughed, hugging him tightly.
‘You should give Sonny a chance and not Bert. I know he is my best friend and everything, but look at Sonny. He looks so lonely.’ Jeph said pointing out the window at Sonny.
‘Right now?’ I asked, sighing.
‘Eh, when you’re ready.’ He said.
‘I mean, I’ll go talk to him, but I don’t know.’ I said.
‘Do you love him?’ He asked me.
‘I’m not sure anymore, I know I used to, but it’s been a while.’ I told him.
‘I bet if you talk to him, that feeling will come back… I know…’ He smiled pushing me toward the door. I allowed myself to be pushed, and walked outside, closing the door behind me. It was bright and hot out, and I realized I was still in my pajamas and my hair was a mess. I walked up to Sonny and tapped him on the shoulder.
‘Well, you look beautiful.’ He smiled.
‘Yeah, right, thanks.’ I laughed.
‘I’m serious.’ He said, ‘I’ve missed talking to you.’
‘I’m sorry for being such a bitch.’ I said.
‘You were never and are not a bitch.’ He told me.
‘Don’t lie.’ I smiled at him.
‘I don’t lie. I always tell the truth, well to you anyway. I lie to Lilly sometimes.’ He mumbled.
‘Good to know.’ I laughed and pulled him into a hug. He picked me up off the ground and spun in circles a few times.
‘I’m sorry. This is hard for me… I still love you.’ He said after setting me down.
‘And that’s bad? Alright.’ I laughed at him.
‘It’s not bad, It’s just, you and Bert… Well, you know… You love him, and not me.’ He looked at his feet as he said that.
My expression changed when he mentioned Bert. ‘He broke up with me.’
‘I’m sorry.’ He sighed. Maybe he thinks he’ll never have another chance or something?
‘Yeah, umm, things got a little messy.’ I sighed looking at him.
‘Ah, I see. You want to go out to dinner tonight?’ He asked me.
‘Sure.’ I smiled, ‘I guess I could use a night out.’
‘Alright, we’ll go out at 8.’ He smiled looking into my eyes as if he wanted to kiss me.
‘I have morning breath Sonny.’ I explained.
‘Who brought up your breath. I would kiss you either way.’ He smirked.
‘I’m just letting you know.’ I laughed.
‘Uh-huh.’ He laughed and kissed me lightly on the lips.
‘Why are you going to Cali with Bert?’ I asked him, ruining the moment.
‘He’s going to sing with me on our new record.’ He explained.
‘Ohh ok, kind of weird. Whatever works I guess.’ I smiled.
‘Yep.’ He said and pulled me back into the house, ‘You should get dressed.’
‘Yes, thank you Sonny. I was already aware I needed to do that. I should get ready anyway.’ I headed for my room.