Ten minutes have gone by no one has said a word I have nothing to say all I want is Gerard to come back. I know rehab will help him out a lot but not having him here is beyond hard. All my thoughts are about lying no one would ever know. I could just tell one little white lie just to feel that high feeling again, but I try so hard to push all those thoughts out of my mind.
“So Frank how are you feeling now that Gerard is not here, “Stephanie asks while breaking the silent.
“I have thoughts about lying. These thoughts will not leave my mind no matter how hard I try to push them out. Not having Gerard here is hard I tell myself I cannot always depend on him but this the first I have been away from him, “I said. I could not believe I was opening up but letting my feelings out was helping me feel better.
“Thoughts about lying will always be in your mind if you do not let them go. Yeah some days you will want to lie but the longer you go without lying the easier it will become to let those thoughts go. You have not lied in four weeks, which is beyond great. I know by not having Gerard here is hard for you because your so use to having him here making you forget about lying, but you are right you cannot always depend on him, “She replied.
Making thoughts about lying leave my mind would be hard I have been lying for years it is not as if I can make all those thoughts leave just like that. I often worry about messing everything up that I will lie I know there will be a time when I will; I just hope I can stop it before it happens.
“What if I do lie, everything I work hard for will be ruin because of one lie, “I said in fear knowing it would happen.
“Everyone slips up once and a while you cannot be cure within four weeks or even a month. You have been lying for years it will take a lot of time to get completely better. If thoughts of lying come into your mind then try to think about something else, or talk to someone, “She replied.
The only person I open up to is no longer here so how am I going to talk to someone, I cannot talk to Stephanie like I do with Gerard she never understands what I am feeling. She thinks she helps me as I said before she could care less.
Within an hour, I leave Stephanie’s office I walk towards the sun deck, part of me wishes when I open the doors Gerard would be sitting at the table. When I get to the doors no one is out there, I just take a deep breath and walk outside. I walk to the table where Gerard always sits at; I sit down in his chair.
I know I need to stop wasting my time on feeling sad about Gerard being gone, it is just going to be hard. I cannot talk to just anyone I always talk to him. I never got the chance to tell him I loved him before he left he knows that I do it would just make me happy if I could tell him that. One day down, 30 more to go.
Three more to go. Thanks for the reivews.