A week has gone by since Gerard had left me three days since I lied. A had lied I never meant to lie I could not believe I lied, after I lied I ran back to my room not leaving for days. It all started when I was talking to Stephanie she ask me question about lying, and I snap I told her I was not a liar. I could even explain why I lied I just ran away from everything, I work so damn hard going almost five weeks without lying and I screwed everything up.
Stephanie came back my room yesterday wanting to talk about what happen I refused to talk I had nothing to say I know what I did there is no way out. I had lied I had face it I knew I lied I knew the words coming out of my mouth were lies but I said it any way. I hate myself for what I did I could not take it back; maybe this is a sign that I should not be getting better.
That maybe this is not for me that getting better is not possible for me, I should just give up on everything I work for. If I can lie while I am still here then I can easily lie if I would ever leave this place, if I can lie here I can lie in the real world. I bet Gerard is doing way better then I am I cannot even go five weeks without lying.
No one will ever know how much this breaks me no one will understand how much this kills me; this is something I cannot take back. I had no idea why I said I am not a liar I guess missing Gerard so much and going for so long without lying I finally snap. If I could take it all back I probably would not I think I am starting to realize it was mistake. Everyone is allowed to make a mistake I made one within five weeks everyone kept telling me I would slip I just tried to prove them all wrong.
I can learn from my mistake I can go on and continue getting better, I should not just throw everything out the window just yet. At least I know I lied if this was the old me I would not admit I had lied or even cared that I had lied. I can see the changes I am making I am starting to like this new Frank. After being lock up in my room for three days, I finally decide to talk to Stephanie.
I walk out of my room walk towards her office I walk in to see Stephanie at her desk. I was finally ready to talk about what had happen and just to forget and move on.
“Hello Frank, are you ready to talk, “Stephanie asks while looking up at me.
“Yes I am, “I replied while sitting in the chair.
“So tell me how you felt when you lied, “She asks while sitting in front of me.
“I felt horrible like it was a dream that I just did not lie. I did not realize the words coming out of my mouth until it was too late. I think Gerard being gone and not lying for almost five weeks finally got to me so I finally snap I lied. I ready to realize what I did and move I do not won’t to give this up, “I said in telling the truth.
“I am glad you realize what you had done. And it’s understandable why you had lied, going almost five weeks without lying is hard and you slip, but you realize what you had did and ready to move on. I just want you to know Frank it is not the end, you can do this, “She said.
Maybe lying my out of this was not the best way out, 24 more days to go.