Scoot the Ko'An
He didst wander down highways and through towns, getting kicked out of many businesses; through forests and deserts and jungles, making many cute little animal friends; he didst swim across the Ocean and accidentally discover the Lost Island of Mu, which he traded the natives for a pack of Juicy Fruit gum.
He didst confront many people: he didst use the Five-Finger Discount against crazy ¢apitalist merchants; he didst subdue Police Officers with his impossibly logical blithering; he didst disturb and confound the Inmates and Shrinks of the Institutions he didst find himself in from time to time; he didst manage to frighten away all but the most interesting of people.
He didst manage not to get very much sleep, either.
One day, whilst hiking through the mountains, the Gods of Hondo didst appear before him.
‘We seek Scott son of Martin,’ spake Derrick, God of Dammit.
‘I am he,’ quoth Scott.
‘Many apologies, Scott son of Martin,’ spake Matt. ‘We had been told that thou wouldst be a little taller.’
‘But thou wilt do,’ added Derrick.
‘I have wandered the earth as thou hast commanded,’ quoth Scott. ‘Now what is thy bidding, mighty Gods of Hondo?’
‘We will get to that in a moment, but first we have other business,’ spake Derrick.
‘From henceforth, Scott son of Martin,’ quoth the God of Everything Else, ‘thou shalt be called Scoot the Ko’An. Thou shalt be the First Apostle of Hondo.’
‘As the Space Coyote said unto thee,’ spake Derrick, ‘thou shalt record the history of the Gods of Hondo— which art us— no matter how little sense it maketh.’
And the God of Everything Else said unto him: ‘For no particular reason, thou shalt wander yonder city for forty years, or until thou findest what thou art searching for, whichever so cometh first.’
‘But, my lords, what seeketh I?’
‘Thou wilt know when thou findest it,’ quoth Matt. ‘Now go forth, Scoot the Ko’An. We must return in time to watch David Letterman.’
And the Gods of Hondo didst vanish.
So Scott son of Martin, now Scoot the Ko’An, didst set forth.