Gerard is out of rehab. It's time to see what he got up to!.....
Haury smiled at his reflection. He was a happy bunny. After a hellish year he had finally gotten rid of his crazy girlfriend Laura. He wasn't entirely sure how it had happened, but apparently the psycho had fallen in love with some other poor victim called Michael.
"Rather him then me," he chuckled, smiling happily as he combed his hair. "Poor fellow." He shivered as he remembered what that maniac was capable of.
"You're on in five," said Jessica. She was Haury's new assistant. Blond and extremely beautiful she was quite a sight to behold. But, unfortunately, being only 18 years old she was off limits. He may be a bit of a womanizer, but he wasn't a dirty old man.
"Okay." He gave her a friendly smile and she walked out. He watched her leave. He may not be able to touch, but no one was going to stop him from looking. Secretly, of course.
"Hello, and welcome to a special episode of our show," said Haury, greeting his audience. "Today's episode is going to be different. Why? I'll tell you why!
We are going to focus solely on one guest today. His appearances have become legendary here. Every time he appears something dramatic-and often, violent, occurs. But that hasn't stopped anyone from loving him. He has made a special place in all our hearts. His name is Gerard Way."
The screen was suddenly filled with the image of a pale, slim man with red hair. He was dressed all in black, making him look like an unusual sort of serial killer.
"Gerard Way has a problem," said Haury sadly. "He can't seem to say "no" to anybody, and I mean that in a sexual sense. This guy has slept with half of New York! And he's not even sorry about it!"
Gerard scowled behind him and glared at the camera.
"So, last time, I sent Gerard, here, to a special clinic in Arizona so we could sort him out. You could call it a rehab for sex addicts. Anyway, that was a year ago. Shall we see if it had any effect on him? Shall we see if he's changed his promiscuous ways?" The audience cheered wildly. "Then let's bring him out!"
A sullen Gerard Way came out to face the audience. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he looked ready to pick a fight.
"Hello, there, Gerard," said Haury, extending a hand in greeting.
Gerard accepted it with a sigh. "Hey, man."
After they were seated Haury got right down to business. "So, Gerard, tell me. How have you been for the past year? Did they fix your little problem?"
Gerard snorted. "Little problem? Dude, please."
Haury frowned. "Let's not get lewd here."
"You started it," argued Gerard, annoyed.
"Okay, okay," said Haury quickly, holding up his hands. He didn't want to upset the famously short tempered man in front of him. "Let me rephrase. Did you manage to rehabilitate yourself at the rehab centre?"
Gerard shrugged. "Yeah, I think so."
"You 'think so'? What does that mean exactly?" pressed Haury.
"What that means is, I'm no longer sleeping with anyone. I've gone cold-turkey. I should be a priest or some shit like that. Dude, I should be the Pope, I ain't getting any action!"
"Really? Why is that?" asked Haury, with a raised eyebrow.
"It's a personal decision. I realized sex is just too dangerous," replied Gerard, eyeing a woman in the front row.
Haury followed his gaze. "Gerard!" he sighed in exasperation. "Look at me."
Gerard reluctantly tore his gaze away from the blushing woman. "Huh?"
"You'll have to forgive me, but I'm having a very hard time believing you have changed."
Gerard looked offended. "Why the hell is that?"
"Well, first of all, you're drooling over that poor woman over there," said Haury.
"She's hot!" interrupted Gerard.
"That's beside the point."
"I'm still allowed to look aren't I, even if I can't touch?" said Gerard.
Haury fell silent. What could he say? "Um...I guess so. Looking is harmless-just as long your hands stay by your side," he said sternly.
"My hands have a mind of their own," said Gerard with a smirk.
Haury sighed. "Shall we get back to business? Okay, so, you were in rehab for three months, correct?" Gerard nodded. "What happened in those three months?"
"Not much. I met some people, and got acquainted with them."
"What do you mean when you say 'acquainted'"? asked Haury suspiciously.
"What I mean is, I got real close to some people. Real close," replied Gerard casually.
"Oh, Lord," muttered Haury under his breath. In a louder voice he said. "Do you mean that in a sexual way?"
"I guess so," said Gerard with a mischievous smile.
"Gerard!" cried Haury. "You were in a sex rehab clinic! The whole point was to abstain from the pleasures of the flesh!"
"Well, they shouldn't have put all those hot chicks in there with me, should they?" yelled Gerard. "It wasn't my fault. You would have done the same thing."
"You slept with all of them?" said Haury, appalled.
"Erm.....Maybe. I was too busy to count, you know?"
Haury slapped his hand to his forehead repeatedly in defeat. "Oh, my. Is that all there is to this story, young man?"
"Nah." Gerard shook his head. "Some of them are pregnant."
Haury's mouth dropped open. "You didn't use contraception?!"
"Of course I did. Well, most of the time. I'm not stupid."
"Oh, God. This just get's worse and worse," sighed Haury. "What about Frank and LynZ?" he asked, referring to Gerard's two former lovers.
"We're working it out," replied Gerard airily.
"Good Lord, man!" cried Haury. "Where do you get all this energy from?"
"I dunno....Coffee?" replied Gerard. "Which reminds me. Can I have some? I've only drunk eight cups since this morning."
"No you cannot," snapped Haury irritably. "We have to sort the situation sorted out first."
"The Situation? He's here?" asked Gerard, looking around. "I have a lot of respect for that guy."
"I bet you do," said Haury darkly.
"Of course I do. That guy is a legend," said Gerard seriously.
"Look, this clearly isn't getting us anywhere. Let's just bring out the first girl, shall we?" sighed Haury.
"Man, I am not looking forward to this," said Gerard tiredly.
"You should have thought about that before, shouldn't you?" said Haury. To the camera he said, "let's bring out Aria!"
The audience clapped politely as a pretty girl with blond hair came down the stairs. Haury greeted her and showed her to her chair. Gerard also got up to greet her but she ignored him.
"Why are you ignoring Gerard, Aria?" asked Haury, not that he really blamed her. Gerard could be such an ass sometimes.
"Because he is a selfish, lying, two-timing asshole!" she replied fiercely.
"Don't hold back, sweetheart," said Gerard sarcastically. "Let it all out."
"Don't even speak to me," she yelled. "I hate you!"
"That's not what you said the last time we met," said Gerard with a chuckle. "Good times."
Aria responded by smacking him on the arm. "Shut up!"
"Now, now, Aria," said Haury. "No hitting. Tell me what he's done and I'll beat him up for you." He was only half-joking.
"Okay," she sniffled. "Well, it all began about a year ago. I work at the rehab facility as a nurse where he came to stay. On his first day there he spotted me and came right over to introduce himself. I thought he was polite and sweet. Little did I know the real truth about him."
"Honey, he was in a clinic for sex addicts. How could you not know the truth?" said Haury gently.
Aria burst into tears. "I know! When I saw him I totally forgot! It's like his good looks melted my brain cells!"
"Yes, he does have that effect on people," nodded Haury somberly.
Gerard looked pleased with himself. "Anyway, it wasn't long before we were, you know," she paused, "getting intimate."
"Oh dear," said Haury. "What happened then?"
"I found out he was sleeping with not one other girl, but about a million other girls!" She burst into tears. "I was so hurt!" She turned around and whacked him again in the arm.
"Ow!!" cried Gerard, rubbing his arm. "Stop hurting me, baby."
"Gerard," said Haury angrily. "How could you hurt Aria?"
"I didn't mean to. I'll make it up to her if she gives me a chance," promised Gerard, looking at her. "Will you? I mean, you're too hot to lose contact with."
"Gerard!" yelled Haury. "Think with your brain for once!"
"I never want to see you again!" she said. "Never!"
Gerard sighed sadly. "Damnit. It was fun while it lasted, though."
"Aria," said Haury, glaring at Gerard. "You're not pregnant, are you?"
Aria shook her head. "No way! I was always careful. He, on the other hand, didn't even care about contraception."
"I'm not surprised," said Haury dryly. "Okay, now we're going to bring out another one of your friends, Gerard." Gerard rolled his eyes. "Let's bring out Rebbecca!"
There was cheering as a slim girl with brown hair came down the stairs. She wore black rimmed glasses and had purple highlights in her hair.
"Becca," started Gerard. "Love what you've done with your hair."
"Up yours, Way," she snarled, taking a seat next to Aria.
"Easy, tiger," chuckled Gerard. "That's what I love about you, sugar. You're so feisty."
"You won't be saying that when I shove my boot up your ass," she growled.
"Calm down, Rebbecca," said Haury. "Please tell us why you are so upset with this young man."
"Why? I'll tell you why! This douch started a relationship with me, then I find out he's sleeping with anything with a pulse!"
"I never said we were in a relationship," protested Gerard. "Mind you we never did much talking did we, sugar?" He smirked.
The next thing anyone knew, Rebbecca had launched herself like a missile at Gerard. They both tumbled to the floor where Rebbecca was on top punching him in the stomach. "Bastard!" she hollered. "I'll beat the arrogance right out of you!"
"Baby, chill out," said Gerard, who didn't really look too bothered that he was being attacked by a female. Rebbecca bit him.
"Get her off him," ordered Haury to security.
"She always did like to bite," said Gerard reminiscently when security had dragged her off him.
"You are such a jerk, Gerard," said Aria.
"Don't hate the playa, hate the game," responded Gerard automatically.
Haury rolled his eyes. "Can everyone calm down, please? We have a tonne of other guests to appear-and some surprise guests for you, Gerard."
"Can't wait," said Gerard sardonically.
"Let's bring out our next guest, Emily!" cried Haury. "Hopefully she'll have a better temperament then Rebbecca!" Rebbecca glared at everyone-mostly Gerard, who blew her a kiss from across the room. She flipped him the bird.
A young girl with brown hair and brown eyes joined them on stage. She wore a t-shirt that said "Kill all your friends" on the front in blood red writing. Haury knew that was not a good sign.
"Hello, Emily. That's a sweet name," said Haury.
"That's what I said," added Gerard, giving her a wave.
"Fuck you, motherfucker," she hissed. "I should just kick your ass right here, right now!"
"Not yet, dear," said Haury, pointing to her chair. "First tell us why you're so mad at him."
"Hello? Because he's a giant slut. He's slept with everyone, and I mean everyone. In fact, there are people in the audience he's probably had his dirty way with," she said angrily. "He is a dirty, dirty man."
"You didn't have a problem with that in the bedroom, honey," said Gerard.
"I don't know what I was thinking!" she shouted. "I wasn't thinking straight!"
"Yeah, I sort of have that effect on people!" Gerard stretched his arms above his head. "It's not your fault."
"You see?" she cried. "See what a jerk he is?" The crowd clapped in agreement.
"Fuck you!" said Gerard to them. "You know you want a piece of this!"
"Gerard," said Haury in a warning tone. He turned to the three angry ladies. "I know you're angry with him, but really, he was in a sex clinic. You should have known he had a problem."
"He told me he worked there as a counsellor," said Emily.
"Yeah, me too!" said Rebbecca.
"He told me to come back to his room for one-on-one sessions so he could cure me quicker," said Emily.
"Me too!" said Rebbecca.
"Gerard!" cried Haury in horror.
Gerard shrugged. "I can't help it. There are too many beautiful woman in the world for me to ignore."
"It doesn't mean you have to trick them!" said Haury.
"Hey, man. I didn't trick them to do anything they didn't want to do. They all wanted it," he replied.
Haury shook his head. "What am I going to do with you?"
"Nothing," said Gerard. "I told you, I've gone cold-turkey now. I'm over sex."
"Yeah, right," said Rebbecca. "That'll be the day."
"I'm serious," said Gerard. "Right now, I don't have the urge to have sex with any of you. In fact, you're all kinda turning me off."
"No one can turn you off, Gerard. You're always turned on," said Aria.
"I'm actually in a bit of pain right now, sugar. Do you want to come over here to make me feel better?" suggested Gerard innocently, patting his lap.
"See?" said Rebbecca to the crowd. "He never stops."
"Let's bring out the next girl. Let's bring out Amy Revenge! What an unusual-and kind of dangerous name she has!"
A tall girl with hazel eyes came down the stairs slowly. She had black hair with blond highlights and wore glasses, but this isn't what got everyone's attention. Everyone was staring at her stomach which was swollen. She was pregnant.
Haury got up and helped her to her seat. Gerard tried to approach her but she swatted him away as if he were a fly. After she was seated Haury turned to Gerard.
"This is quite a group of girls you have here, young man," he said severely.
"I know, man," said Gerard proudly. "It's like my own personal Harem."
"If I wasn't pregnant I'd get up and beat the living shit out of you, dude," said Amy angrily.
"Calm down, baby," said Gerard. "You're pregnant."
"With your baby!" she shouted. "And you're totally denying it!"
"Gerard!" gasped Haury. "Why are you denying her baby?"
"How do I know it's mine?" shrugged Gerard. "She could have slept with other guys."
"Not everyone sleeps around like you, Gerard," snapped Amy. "This baby is yours."
"Whatever. The DNA test will show us if I am the father or not," said Gerard.
"Are we going to have to a separate show for that?" asked Haury wearily.
"Probably," replied Amy. "But I can tell you right now, that jerk is the father. I'm a million percent sure of it!" The crowd cheered.
"I can't believe this, Gerard," said Haury, clearly shocked. "How many more woman are there?"
"I don't know," said Gerard. "I lost count after five."
"You went to rehab to sort yourself out, but you've come out with more problems then you went in with!" said Haury. "It's unbelievable."
"He doesn't know how to keep it in his pants," said Amy. "He's a total slut."
"Hate on me now, sugar, but you wasn't complaining when we were together in the shower," said Gerard lazily.
Haury's eyebrows shot up. "In the shower?"
Amy flushed, and Gerard nodded. "Why not? I'm not fussy."
Haury took a deep breath. "Amy, what would you like to say to Gerard?"
Amy shot him an angry look. "I want to say when this test comes out and proves this baby is his, he needs to step up and be a father to this baby! He needs to be a man!"
"I am a man," said Gerard hotly. "And if this kid is mine I'll take care of it. I don't know how Frank's gonna take it, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. He's always said he wants to have a baby, but didn't have the plumbing for it."
Haury raised an eyebrow mysteriously. "Maybe we'll get to see what Frank has to say about all this later."
Gerard looked at him in surprise. "Huh?"
"But that's later. Now we're going to take a little break. Lord knows I need it." Haury got up and addressed the audience. "Thanks for tuning in, but don't dare change the channel because we'll be back in three minutes, no doubt for a lot more drama! See you soon!"
So what do you think? xx