Mikey see's Gerard doing something and he gets scared.
I'm feeling a little HYPER right now, because Jemma has just left and we had the most insane pillow fight!
It's the school disco in two days and I've decided to go. I don't want Jemma sucking up to Pete Wentz. She's my best friend and things had better never change.
She hasn't mentioned his name recently, so he can't even be that important.
Anyway, Jemma came over and Gerard just went and hid in his room so we had like, the whole house to ourselves.
"What do you wanna do?" I asked Jemma.
"Wanna play XBOX?" She asked.
I nodded and we sat down and started playing. I'm actually not very keen on playing Jemma, because she always beats me. And if I'm the boy, it should be the other way around.
Once she'd beat me four times in a row, I turned it off. She kept laughing and calling me a sore loser, so I hit her with my pillow. And she hit me back with another one and then we were going crazy and there were pillows everywhere.
Mom's vase got broke. She didn't mind.
Damn. I just looked back at my last entry and now I feel a little sick. My stomach hurts.
I wonder if I make myself sick, I'll feel better...
I can't do it! I'll just keep feeling this way.
I can't believe what I just saw. I'm still not sure that it's even real, what I just saw. Was he that upset? Should I talk to him? But if he knows I did it, he'll think that I'm going to tell Mom. Maybe I should tell Mom? No, that got me nowhere last time.
What am I going to do?
I went upstairs to Gerard's room, to ask him if he wanted a cup of coffee... And his door was a little open, so I just peaked inside... He had a knife and he was... He was...
He was cutting himself.
I was really scared, but I stayed still and didn't move. I was scared he was going to do more than just cut himself, but he didn't. He ignored the bleeding and shoved a jacket over the top of his wounds.
I forgot all about the coffee and ran away downstairs into the living room. I tried concentrating on the TV to get my mind off it, but it wasn't working.
Then after dinner, he went out. He's still out. I'm scared he won't return.
Oh! I've just heard the front door. I'm going to go and see if he's okay.
I asked and he just told me to mind my own business... I was just asking a simple question! What's wrong with him? We used to be closer than anything, but now he fucking hates me!
The worse part is I can't even tell Jemma. I can't tell anyone about this. It's just too secret, Gerard would be so ashamed if anyone knew, including me.
He needs to get his head out of the clouds.
Today has been a bad and good day.
Well, first the good part. To start this diary on a high note. I went into Gerard's room, to see if there was anything suspicous. I did find his knife, but I took it out of his room. And I looked at his art book and it seemed he was doing a lot more recently. Gerard did always seem a bit out of it when he was doing lots and lots of art at once. Mom said it was because he was concentrating so hard on his art, he didn't have much time to concentrate on anything else. That could be an excuse of course, but I'm just going to hope it's not.
The bad part.
Gerard's made friends with the popular crowd. I mean, he should be able to be friends with whoever he wants, but he's ditched me. And not just from his school friends, but from his entire life.
This diary entry started on a high note, and I'm going to make it end with one.
Jemma doesn't fancy snooty Pete anymore. She told me at the disco.