the Genie in the Toilet
And there was much rejoicing.
‘Hail, Dudes!’ quoth the guy at the counter. ‘We knoweth who thou art, and we knoweth what thou wanteth.’
And he didst predict what each of the Dudes’ favorite sandwiches were, and they didst eat there.
And so Casey didst go unto the bathroom and taketh a shit.
But little didst he knoweth that this toilet had been smuggled in from Canada, where toilets still flusheth with authority.
And a Genie didst appear before Casey as he flushed, and said unto him, ‘I am the Genie in the Toilet, and I shall grant thee three wishes!’
‘Okay…’ quoth Casey, ‘I wish… um, gee, it wouldst be great if I had more time to think up a wish.’
‘Granted!’ spake the Genie. ‘For thy first wish, I have stopped time.’
‘Huh?’ spake Casey. ‘What the hell? I didst not ask for that!’
‘Thou didst ask for it,’ spake the Genie.
‘Take it back!’ cried Casey.
‘Granted!’ spake the Genie. ‘For thy second wish, I didst take back thy first wish!’
‘That’s not what I meant,’ quoth Casey.
‘Don’t fuck with me!’ spake the Genie. ‘I am the all-powerful Genie in the Toilet! I’ve taken a lot of shit over the years, and I am not going to take it from a moron like thee! Now make thy final wish so I canst go back to sleep!’
‘Fine!’ quoth Casey. ‘I wish I never ate at Psychic Burger!’
And so the Genie in the Toilet (flush) didst turn back time.