Hold on Gerard, just hold on.
After the funeral I had become a wreck. Mikey and my parents had asked me if I wanted to move in with them for the time being but I had turned them down. I didn't want to leave the apartment where I had spent my last few happy days with Frank. He was all I ever thought about now, I was hoping that the funeral would help me move on but it was even worse now, I thought of him 24/7, he had taken over my mind. I had dropped out of college a few days ago. I had tried to go to class but I could barely even leave the house, any little thing that reminded me of Frank sent me into tears and class became unbearable. I knew everyone was dissapointed in me but I didn't know what else to do. I didn't even have the motiviation to get out of bed most days. My job fired me and I was reduced to selling my car to pay rent. I had offically hit rock bottom, and my evil friend the voice in my head had returned.
Once again I felt vile and disgusting. The voice pointed out every flaw that I had, how Frank was the only one who gave a shit about me and now that he was gone I had nothing and no one. I might as well just end it, no one would notice. At first I resisted but as the voice persisted and the weeks dragged on I began to believe the voice more and more. I began to take out my favorite knife, just to look at it, is what I told myself. I tried to resist but I was weak, Frank had always been my rock. I needed him now more then ever, without him I was nothing and I knew it, and as each day crawled by my will to live wavered.
Finally I couldn't take it any longer. I had made up my mind, it was over, I could no longer continue. I wrote out a simple note titled to Mikey explaining why I did it, it would probably be no suprise to my friends, they all knew I had problems with cutting in the past, so even though it will hurt them I know they will be ok. And hopefully I would finally be with Frank, and if not with Frank then at least I would feel nothing for once. I pulled out my knife but decided to put it back, there was too high a possibility that someone could find me before I died, I needed a quicker way. I didn't own a gun so I opened the medicine cabinent and pulled out the sleeping pills I used to need for my insomnia. One bottle of these and I would never wake up.
One by one I began to pop the pills, crying as each one entered my mouth. Suddenly the bottle fell from my hands as if someone had shoved it away from me. Maybe I was already hallucinating...
I turned out quickly, I had to be hallucinating, that voice sounded just like Franks.
"Gerard!! You stop that this instant! You promised me that you would carry on for me! You promised! And I have never known you to break a promise!"
A shimmery image of Frank seemed to appear before my eyes and I gasped in suprised, coughing out the few pills I still had in my mouth.
"Frank it is you! I missed you so much. I don't think I can live without you. I am so sorry I can't do this anymore. You were the only good thing in my life."
"Look silly I am always going to be here watching over you. Even though you can't always see me I promise you that I am right by your side every second of every day. Whenever you need me I will be there. I know it isn't the same but I promise you I'm not gone. Now you throw those freaking pills away and don't you dare take another one."
I obeyed quickly and threw the rest of the pills in the trash but I was starting to feel lightheaded and sleepy already.
"Frankie, I, I think I may have taken too many already."
"Don't worry about that, Bob is in town to check up on you, I will make sure he gets you to the hospital in plenty of time to pump your stomach. See what did I say? I am always going to take care of you sweetie."
"Frankie, I, I love you..." I whispered as the world began to spin and fade to black. "I always will love you." As Frank began to shimmer and dissapear in front of my eyes he reached his hand out and brushed my cheek, I could almost feel the softness of his skin against my own. Then he was gone and I stumbled against the table for support. Just then the phone began to ring loudly. I blindly stumbled around until I found the reciever then quickly picked it up before it went to voicemail.
"Hello" I muttered softly.
"Hey dude it's Bob. I was just in town to pick up a few things and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out or something."
"Bob please come to my apartment, quickly. I need to go to the doctor...sleeping pills..." Frankie was right...he was looking out for me.
Then I collapsed and I didn't wake up until the next day safe and sound in the hospital bed with a pumped stomach. Bob took great care of me and he even managed to convice me to move to California with him and Ray. They nursed me back to health and got me back into school. Slowy my depression ebbed and I began to be able to participate in life again. And randomly I would see things that reminded me that Frankie was always there watching me, and it helped me carry on. Sometimes it was just a brush of wind, or sometimes it was a friendly stray dog with Frankie's eyes, but I knew that no matter where I went, that he was with me and he stilled loved me, and that was enough for me to continue on.
Well there we go folks that is the end. I know it isn't great but considering that I completly forgot about this story I am pretty proud of it. Thank you to everyone who read it and reviewed it. I hope you will keep reading my stories.