Sometimes you're just not ready to let go.
A week had passed since I had lost Frank and I was getting dressed for the funeral. Mikey had come to live with me for a little….to make sure that I wouldn’t do anything stupid. And I hadn’t. I was too numb to do anything to myself. It hadn’t hit me yet….that my world would never again have Frankie in it. And I didn’t want it to hit me. I liked pretending that soon he would walk back into my apartment, perfectly healthy and smiling. Of course I knew he was gone….but I wasn’t ready to admit it.
“Gerard, it’s time to go” Mikey called out to me from the other room.
I stumbled out of the bathroom and shuffled into the car. I wasn’t ready for this…I didn’t want to go because it was the same as admitting that Frank was gone forever. I clenched my hands together the whole drive there, trying to prepare myself, even though I knew nothing could prepare me for this.
As we pulled up, Bob and Ray met us. I saw my parents waving at me too. Everyone had come back to comfort me, everyone was worried. I embraced Ray and Bob, the sadness on their face was plain but I had no words to say to them. I went to my seat next to my parents and waited for this horrible procession to begin. Frank lay there in a casket; I could barely lift my feet to walk the few short steps to see him. I didn’t want to look but I did. My last goodbye to my Frankie. He looked absolutely beautiful, like a sleeping angel. His pale features were restful and it even seemed like he smiled a bit. I choked out a sob, I would never again see his playful smirk, his high pitched laugh. I had to be lead away by someone, Mikey I thought. I didn’t want to break down in front of everyone.
The funeral proceeded and I was in a haze. I just imagined Frank’s peaceful face, memorizing every detail so it would never fade from my memory. Everyone got up and said something about Frank, how he was a wonderful friend, a great person, and that we would all miss him.
Then it was my turn. I made it to the podium and stared back at the sea of faces. I wanted to make them see what Frank had meant to me.
“This man was taking from life too early for me to say goodbye,” I began. “And I just want to let you all know who he was to me. He started out as my best friend, the guy I could always talk to. High school was bearable because of this kid. We took care of each other and I loved him. But then I discovered that I loved him more then I could ever know. He was my everything…and he still is. He was the other side of me, every day with him was a happy day. I will never forget the little things about him, how much he loved to shop, the way he always needed coffee to function, and the way he always put others first. This whole time that he was ill he never once worried what would happen to him. He only cared about us, about hurting his mother or me or his friends. He was so selfless and amazing and I love him with all my heart.”
At this point I could no longer continue without the tears overflowing so I stepped down slowly, trying to see through the haze of tears. The rest of the ceremony was a blur. I was led around my Mikey and consoled by friends and family. But I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t want their pity or their grief. All I wanted was my Frankie back. The sun set on one of the worst days of my life and I had no idea how I was going to make it through another.
So now the funeral is over...poor Gerard. I hate to do this to him. Let me know what you guys think. Reviews are always welcome.