I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked average to be honest.
I had my hair down and straight with my fringe covering one eye. My eyes were coated in black eyeliner and electric blue and black eyeshadow.
I wore a black Green day tee, with black skinny jeans with skeleton hands on the back pockets. I slipped my red converses on as well as a blue hoodie. I threw my bag on my shoulder and walked out of the door.
There was a light breeze as the sun beamed down on my pale skin, I kept my head beant staring at my feet as I walked towards the bus stop. When I arrived I was secretly grateful over the fact my bus was already there - which mean't no awkward silence with Gerard.
I slipped the bus driver the fee and walked onto the bus. It was empty apart from a few old women and other art college students. I went and sat down at the back of the bus next to the window. I pulled out my ipod and began listening to soothing heavy metal and punk rock. I began to trace patterns on my leg with my finger before I felt the engine of the bus start.
The bus pulled up and I walked down the aisle and to the door. I zipped up my jacket as I felt a sharp breeze hit me.
"Thanks." I muttered as I stepped off onto the pavement. I kept my head down and one earphone in my ear as I walked towards the college. I decided to take the shortcut through the alleyway. The alleyway was shaded and cooler and shielded me from the breeze. I dodgeded some of the puddles that were dotted on the floor. Since there hadn't been any rain in the past few days, I wasn't going to be the one to discover what they were puddles of.
Suddenly I heard muttering from further ahead. I stopped for a few seconds as I tried to work out what was being said.
"I really love you .."
"I know I love you too but.."
"But what !? .."
I couldn't stand to listen anymore once I knew one of the voices belonged to Gerard. I put both my earphones in and turned the volume to full max as I stormed past the pair. I got a quick look at the girl Gerard was talking to. Tall, slim, Blonde and in clothes that couldn't be classed as a loin cloth as well as a chest the size of two melons. I didn't have a chance against her, compared to boring me she was beautiful. I carried on walking as if I hadn't noticed them, it was hard to since I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.
I finally reached the end of the Alley, just across the road was the college. I crossed the street and shoved my ipod in my bag. I siged as I pushed open the heavy door. It's going to be a long day.
~~~~~ The morning passed with no words between Gerard and Myself, we sat in complete silence next to eachother and avoided eye contact and walking to classes together. ~~~~~*~
I sat under the tree as I did yesterday, sheltering myself from the boiling sun. I sipped my bottle of apple juice and pulled out my sketch book. I ignored the dark object walking towards me as I knew perfectly well who it was. Gerard. He quietly sat down on the opposite side of the tree. I heard him unzip his bag and pull out his notebook and begin scribbling / drawing. I sighed and stood up and began walking into the school I couldn't stand the awkwardness he was ensuing on me. It was my second fucking day here for god sake, the last thing I wanted or needed was ' guy trouble '. I heard the bell ring for the last two lessons of the day.
Great more Gerard being a dick time.
The two lessons were crap. He just sat in silence and the only time he said something was to answer his name in the register. When we had to work in a pair together in photography he just took a camera for himself and wandered off and left me. Then in the last lesson he just kept his head beant and didn't utter a word. I sighed and slumped back on the bus seat, I could see how my life wasn't ever going to be a walk in the park. If my life had a newspaper headline it would probably be 'Orphan is doomed to life of loneliness.' I leaned my head against the window ad stared at the passers by. I quickly looked away when I noticed one of them walking onto the bus was Gerard, I quickly put my bag on the empty seat next to me and stared at my feet- praying he would sit somewhere else.
Suddenly someone grabbed my bag and placed it on my knee. I shot my head up angrily to see who had the cheek to do something like that.
"Hey!" I cried out angrily when I noticed the culprit was Gerard, he sat down put his bag at his feet.
"The bus is full and I needed somewhere to sit." He replied flatly.
Great, a whole half hour journey with Gerard. I sighed frustradedly and put my ipod in, I straed out the window silently cursing under my breath. No matter how attractive he was, he was a nob.
I rushed off the bus and headed down the street to my house. I could hear footsteps behind me, very close behind me. I hurried my pace until I reached the front door of my house. Once I was inside I ran into my room and let all my tears flow. Today I wasn't in the mood for drinking, I just felt like crying. I sat on my window seat and stared out into the street as my tears poured down my face. A thought rushed through my head as I stood up and walked towards my bathroom. I looked through my cabinet until I found what I was looking for. My razor. I held it tightly in my hand as I walked back to my window ledge and let more tears fall. I realised my tears were not for my parents who I missed dearly, but for him, Gerard. I held the blade on my inner arm, just above my wrist. I wasn't going to kill myself - just do something to make the pain go away. I closed my eyes and braced myself, I hadn't done self harming for years and the scars reminded me why. I held the blade at my wrist breathing slowly. It was then that I heard a faint banging noise and a muffled shouting. I turned to see Gerard stood at his bedroom window with a look of pure horror on his face. My anger boiled when I realised that he had fund out what I was doing. I dug the blade into my arm and let out a cry of pain from a broken heart. All the while under my screams and crying I could hear Gerard banging on his window trying to stop me.
I sat still as my sobs seemed to fade away as I watched the crimson liquid ooze from my arm. I wiped the last few tears from my eyes and I sat in silence staring at my injury. Finally Gerard stopped knocking and calling from his window. I looked discreetly to find his girlfriend sat in his room on his bed with him. I turned my head away sharply and closed my curtains. I wrapped a few bandages over my cut and looked at my reflection in the window. My eyes were pink and blotchy - well all of my face was, my makeup was streaked across my cheeks and eyes, my body looked thin and frail from not eating. I sighed and washed my face, before putting on my pyjamas and snuggling into my bed.
So much for a new better start at college.
Okay guys, I just wanted to say something. My stories normally end up in death murder or involve self harming. I just want to make it clear that I am not advertising or glamourising these subjects, I think they are all dangerous topics and I feel that my stories may make it look like they are okay to do. If you think this is so I have no intentions to do that whatsoever. My views on the topics aren't important, but if you are self harming thinking of suicide etc - you should speak to someone about it. I know you might think "Oh they won't understand me / think im a freak, etc." But I felt the exact same way and when I finally confided with my best friend, She made me feel a whole lot better and actually helped me stop. So I would like to thank Ellie ( Yes it's the same Ellie in my story ) For all that you have done to help me xxxxxx Also I would like to add that the more romantic details upcomming in the story won't have happened to Ellie - I have just added them to make the story more interesting xxxxxx Anyways thankyou to all the reviews and messages ! xxx Please keep on sending them because I love reading them ! xxx Much love and Thanks xxx Ellie Frank xxxxxx