Cadel gets a new theory. Rated PG-13 for mild sweetness.
Malcolm’s yell echoed through the air.
“Do you have any idea how made Father is going to be? And it is going to be all my fault because I did not kill all of you properly when I was supposed to!” Malcolm paced and ranted, running his hands through his hair and looking like a crazy person fresh off the street.
“Malcolm, seriously. Chill. And second off, I am really, really P.O.’ed that you tried to strangle me” Ingrid responded, glaring at Malcolm.
“What does P.O.’ed mean?” Numbuh three asked.
“Nothing!” Lincoln and Holly said simultaneously.
“Why’d we save him again?” Numbuh two asked.
“Research, Hoagie. Research” Cadel responded, checking his pockets.
Cadel unearthed an extremely squashed bag of M&M’s.
“Sweet! Cadel, we’re friends, and sugar freaks, so dish the M’s or there’s gonna be trouble” Numbuh five reached for the M&M’s, but Cadel hid them behind his back. “I’m not giving you any M&M’s, Abby, because you almost spit on me way back when when we were all trying to get off the train” Cadel responded, ripping off the top of the bag.
Malcolm immediately quit ranting and staring at the M&M’s.
“Whot’re you doing?” Holly asked.
“Old habits die hard. Malcolm was a die-hard sugar addict. I don’t think that even Delightfulization and stuff could take that out of him” Cadel shook the bag of Candy.
“Malcolm, peanut butter M&M’s....your favourite, right? I’m right” Cadel held the bag out.
Malcolm took two small steps forward. Malcolm bit his lip. He didn’t want to take the candy, candy rotted your teeth, but it was peanut butter M&M’s. Peanut Butter M&M’s. You cannot pass up Peanut Butter M&M’s.
“Well if you don’t want them...”
Cadel started to put the candy behind his back.
Malcolm leaped forward, extending his fingernails.
“SHARE, DARN YOU! GIVE THE M&M’S!”
Malcolm roared, stealing the candy and retreating to the corner of the group.
Cadel rolled over, covered in dirt. He was grinning.
“What’s up, Doc?” Lincoln asked.
“He’s still there” Cadel murmured.
For the next couple of hours, Cadel paced and talked to himself. It was nearly impossible to follow, so everybody was making up their own theories.
“Maybe....um....Malcolm has a split personality disorder?” Ingrid sat down on the dusty ground. Cadel had scribbled some words in the dirt with a stick, but Cadel’s writing was Doctor-Prescription messy with a side of horrible spelling.
“Maybe....Malcolm isn’t actually delightfulized?” Numbuh four said. He squinted at Cadel’s notes, but it was worse than playing pictionary with a two year old.
“Or maybe-” Lincoln’s theory was cut short.
“Kidneys.” Cadel announced.
“Come again?” Holly asked.
“Kidneys. When you get a kidney transplant, the kidney can either take or not. If it doesn’t take, then you reject it. People can reject surgery all the time. Delightfulization is a surgery. Do you see where I’m going?”
Cadel nodded, trying to see if he sounded like somebody insane or somebody insanely crazy.
“Oh! Why’d they Deloightfulize Malcolm’s Kidneys?” Numbuh four asked.
“I think Malcolm rejected the Delightfulization surgery” Cadel finally said, running his fingers through his hair to maintain his constant socket hair.
“Okay. Where’s he anyway?” Numbuh three asked.
Everybody looked around.
“I see him. He’s stuck in a tree” Lincoln said offhandedly, like this kind of thing happened all the time.
“Over there, see Numbuh four? Look, he just fell out of the tree”
“Yeah yeah yeah, I see him now. He okay?”
“Okay, who cares? He’s still evil, and we don’t have any proof that Cadel’s right, no offense” Numbuh five sat down and scribbled in the dirt with her finger.
“Okay, remember the Nosebleed thing? Our Malcolm hated nosebleeds,a characteristic that even the Shock Box couldn’t take out of him. Remember when Malcolm tried to kill us but he couldn’t? That’s the conflicting genes. The Childcatcher genes tell him to kill and destroy and murder his friends because nothing really matters, and Malcolm-the real Malcolm-managed to save us because he knows that we’re his friends and that we matter”
Cadel finished his crack science soliloquy and took a breath.
“The candy thing is Malcolm too, roight?” Holly asked.
“Yeah. It is. Malcolm’s a total sugar addict, even more so than Abby. He nearly murdered his brother because he stole his Mars bar once” Cadel explained.
It was Malcolm. His originally crumpled suit was covered in dirt and he had a crack in one of the lenses of his glasses.
“What?” Bing spat.
“Sorry” Malcolm whispered, staring at the ground.
He held something out to her. It looked like a green piece of paper, with fancy calligraphic writing on it.
“Give it” Ingrid ordered.
Malcolm took a step forward, trying not to make eye contact.
Ingrid snatched the piece of paper from Malcolm.
“What that?” Numbuh one asked.
“Well, Bing, don’t keep us in suspense” Cadel reached for it.
Ingrid screamed the single exclamation to an empty sky. Birds flew from the nearby trees and Ingrid’s scream echoed through the ruins of the Printworks.
“Wow. Ingrid be a little louder, I think I can still hear a little” Lincoln grouched.
Ingrid squealed and leaped up and gave Malcolm a hug.
Malcolm looked extremely surprised. He then tried, extremely slowly and like he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing, to give Ingrid a hug back.
Ingrid pushed him away and then gave him another hug.
“Ingrid, you are scaring me” Numbuh one eyed her warily.
“It’s the E-Ticket!” Ingrid proclaimed, holding it above her head.
“Actually!” Lincoln pushed Malcolm out of the way to get a closer look.
“Hug....?” Malcolm asked softly, but nobody paid any attention to him.
“Yeah! Legit! I love! Yeah! WOOHOO!” Ingrid screamed again.
“So now what?” Numbuh five asked.
“Look, it’s a thingy!” Numbuh three screamed and pointed.
A door was lying in the rubble. It looked completely intact, except for the fact that it didn’t have a frame.
“I guess we win” Numbuh one said softly.
“Of course we win! This is amazing!” Ingrid spun in the dirt.
“Right. Focus people. Door. In a general that way direction” Cadel pointed.
“Door. Right.” Lincoln looked sad.
“Hey, c’mon. It’s okay. It’ll be alroight” Holly tried to comfort her new boyfriend.
“Yeah. Okay” Lincoln sighed.
“That’s great Lincoln, because you’re leaving first” Cadel declared.