I hate Tuesdays... Tuesdays are always the day I have to go see the councillor because of stupid, worried Miss. Webster. As soon as I walk into class she send me there, the councillor see’s me, my scars, fresh cuts, talks, expects me to open up... But I never talk to her. EVER.
But this time it was different. As I walked into the room, I found her talking to Gerard who was uncontrollably crying. Gerard, the guy who puts me through pain, was crying and I felt terrible inside. So terrible, I turned to leave but made a noise which made them both look at me as I made a blind get away, which meant me running into the doorframe and ending up with another bruise to my collection, but it made Gerard laugh at least.
You see... No matter what he does to me, says or writes, I never want to see him cry like that again. It’s not natural, it was beautiful as fuck but not natural. He shouldn’t be crying! I was actually worried about him and wrecked my brain thinking about what could have happened that did it, but I still didn’t know by the time he came out!
I was sitting on the chairs outside when he came out, which made me a little intimidated, but he just smiled at me and kept walking. No mean comment, no pain, no dirty looks; nothing. I was honestly surprised, but then after my counselling session, Alex got to me. So I went home early to a note under the door, which might I add I almost threw out because I thought it was hate mail, but instead it read this:
Smiling is the best medicine, laughing cures everything too. I’m still really sorry, but I can’t make it up to you...
Same writing as the other, but this time, no picture. I was a little disappointed at first, but then i got over it and realised the whole reason for these letters was an apology, but from who? Who in their right mind would apologise to me?
Frank, 1 December
Note: I think my mum was abducted by some sort of alien. There still has been no sign of her, or her dead body.
I hung out with my one and only friend Mikey today, the whole day in the library reading comics and joking around. Not once did I see Gerard, nor Alex or the football team. I was safe in this little sanctuary Mikey had taken me too and to be honest, I was quite happy with it. We were never told to get out, not once. Not even when Mikey laughed so loud the whole library stared at us for a while, which only made him laugh harder. It was like we were meant to be there or something, and if it was going to keep me safe, I’m going there tomorrow. I’m not risking myself at school anymore because apparently, I can no longer afford any more doctor visits now mums gone. Not that it was affordable before anyway, with mum always spending it on alcohol and such, it was never on me. But as long as I keep safe, I need no doctor, right?
Mikey invited me over tonight, so I’ll write more when I get back. I just hope Gerard isn’t home...
Frank, 2 December
Note: This could either be fun or hell.
It wasn’t hell! Which was surprising because Gerard was home and in the same room as we watched the nightmare before Christmas (my favourite movie) and ate numerous lollies. I actually felt at home there, more than I ever have here, but one thing bugged me there... Jealousy. They had loving parents, money, a clean home, food in the cupboards, no cuts or scars... they were perfect. And there I was, a blemish on the face of the Way household. I felt like cutting right there and then, but Mikey made it all better by wrestling me or popcorn and such. I seriously think Mikey is my friend. No matter what, he is. He’s an outcast like me so... he would be. We even managed to make Gerard laugh hysterically at points! That made me feel great inside... hearing his laugh and giggle instead of his normal sniggering and yelling at me in his fake ‘tough’ voice. He even walked me to the door and said bye to me when I was leaving because Mikey had to pee seriously after the massive amount of coke we had drank. This all seems too good to be true, I know it’s all going to change tomorrow at school... I just know it...
Frank, 3 December
Note: I wish Gerard hadn’t gotten involved with them... I really do...