The Sequel to High School Hellhole -read that one first please, would make more sense if you did-
-3 months later-
Went the small ball I had been throwing against my wall for the past hour, it hit the brick and rolled back to my waiting hand.
Ever since that day a few months ago,Gerard and Mikey hadn't talked to me as much, I still hung around with them.
I still went round to Gerards to sleep over.
But something felt different, he didn't hug me like he used to, he hadn't kissed me. Properly. Only little pecks on the cheek when he was saying good bye to me.
Gerard didn't wait for me after school anymore,I walked home on my own everyday.
Ray and Bob had tried to talk to me, but I'd started to block them out, only focusing on Gee, I don't think he loves me anymore.
The ball hit the wall and missed my hand, rolling past me, it hit the picture Gerard had drawn for me, one art lesson months ago, when they'd just moved here.
I crawled over on my knees I carefully picked the piece of paper up, looking at it.
It was the couple I'd seen him draw the first day we'd met, he had given me the final thing.
Something wet hit the ink,causeing some black to run down. Fat tears rolled down my cheeks and splattered the ink more.
I put the paper down and leaned against a side of my wardrobe,pulling my knees up to my chest I cried more into my arms. I sat silently for a few minutes, trying to calm down.
I was a mess, wiping my tears away I grabbed the notepad I'd been using as a coffee mat and opened the crumpled stained pages.I got up and picked up a working pen from my desk and sat on my bed.
I shut my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath to calm myself and let my pen run wild on the page.
I can't close my eyes
I can't shut my eyes to you
I can't close my eyes
I won't shed a tear for you
Not this time
The words leaked from the pen,I didn't need to think about them, they just came out, perfectly framing my feelings.
No matter how hard I try
I break all the ties
Heartbreak is forever
Land of the lost
I found myself in nothing
Find me clutching to you
Something that you're not
I thought of the first song Gerard and I had written together, we called it Early Sunsets Over Monroeville. It was raining and I'd taken my guitar to hishouse and Mikey and I were jamming and he came up with the idea to write our first song.
Believing in what you say
Makes me lie awake at night
The sky outside my bedroom window had darkened a lot, stars speckled the sky,a large round moon lit up the ground.
I stopped for a moment,thinking about now what to write.
"The truth is not what scares me.It's why you have to lie all the time"I said outloud as I wrote it down. I put a full stop andleaned my head against the window ledge above my bed.
I was making Frank miserable I could tell, he didn't have the same bright sparkle in his eyes as he always had before. He'd become a lot quieter,he still came over and talked to me.But, I was pushing him away,I could feel it.
I looked at the date on my laptop -which was currently on my lap- October 30th.
Tomorrow was Frank's birthday, and I'd totally forgotten, I mentally cursed at myself for being so stupid.
I slammed the screen down and leaped off my bed, running up the stairs into the hallway.
"Mikey." I said running into the livingroom,"It'sFrank'sbirthdaytomorrowandIdonthaveanythingforhimandIforgot.WhatthefucktoIdo?!"
"What? I understood NONE of that, slow down." He said trying not to laugh.
"It's Frank's birthday tomorrow and I don't have anything for him and I forgot.What the fuck do I do" I said loudly.
"Language!" Mom called from the kitchen, preparing dinner.
She walked in, dusting her floury hands on the red and white striped apron, she looked a bit like a candycane.
"What's the matter hon?" she asked, leaning against the door.
"I forgot about Frank's birthday, and it's tomorrow."
A little crease appeared inbetween her eyebrows "hmmm, thats tricky, it's 7:30 so the shops will be closed. Make him dinner maybe?" The fact Frank and I were supposed to be together had gotten out a couple of months ago.
"Mom."I groaned,"He's veggie and I can't cook to save my life!"
"Write him a song." Mikey said out of the blue.
"About what, I've been a complete di-" mom frowned at my language again "-Complete idiot these past few months." I carried on.
"Then,say you are sorry." he said.
------ 3 hours later-------
I stared blankly at the empty page,Ihad been sat in my room for 3 hours and thought of nothing.
I write slowly at the top of the page,
To Frank,I love you...
I scored it out, and tried again.
Frank. Happy birthday.
again I crossed it out violently, and got a new sheet of paper.
For Frank.Forgive me. I ended up with, well at least I had a begining.
I tapped the pen on the paper, Frank had always made it look so easy.
If the lights are really low enough to play.
Can you catch me when I'm
I wrote slowly trying to make me hand writing as neat as possible.
And I'll control the moment, if you try to make the most of this.
And could you always call me
When you made me walk away?
I leaned my head on the desk I was sat at. Looking up I saw the photo of Frank and I, the first taken of us as a couple. He was on my back,I was holding onto his legs and his arms were wrapped around my neck, he had that giant childish grin on his face. I was smiling.
I smiled a little to myself and wrote out,
And would you stay, right here, when I tell you, that someone out there loves you?
If you stay, right here, then I'll tell you, that someone out there loves you after all
I did love him, deep down I really did. He had filled the hole that had become my heart.I felt complete with him, his touch made my heart race, even now.
Sometimes these things can always be so small.
And sometimes you could live.
And I can-
I stopped the line there, and left it, finishing it with
All the time to catch this phrase and try to make the most of it.
And could you maybe kiss me, when we decimate the stars!?
I wrote the chorus again, humming a could be tune to myself
And would you stay, right here, when I tell you,
That someone out there loves you?
If you stay, right here,
Then I'll tell you,
That someone out there loves you...
I looked at what I'd just written and smiled to myself, carefully I folded the paper and put it by the photo of the two of us.
"Happy birthday for tomorrow Frankie." I said quietly.
The two songs they write are The Secret Goldfish by Pency Prep (Frank's song)
and an untitled song by My Chemical Romance -fan named 'Stay'- (Gerards song)