Hair straighteners,Britney Spears,chaos.
Hey lads!how are we?this is the first part of a lil two part thingy I’m doing.this one won’t be too serious or important,but the second one-which will be called “Rules Of Engagement:Food Fights and Bright Lights”-will be vital to the entire story,and full of fluffy Frerard-ness:D.so make sure ye catch it!will try and update today if I can.xo,lauren.
Lauren’s Current Inspirations:”Radioactive” by Kings of Leon,getting an A in French for like the first time in my life,how unbelievably savage Matt Damon looks as a rugby player in the movie Invictus.
“I still don’t see why we have to wear suits,”grumbles Mikey,adjusting his tie.
“What,we can’t go out to a nice dinner wearing nice clothes?”I ask,fixing my hair.Dammit,I need to re-dye again soon.”Ray,there’s a stain on your jacket.Bob,no way you’re wearing those shoes,remember how Maria threw up in them after Mexican Night?Yeah.And Mikey,you better not be wearing that gross Anthrax shirt underneath,or I’ll skin you alive.”
“Go change.This must be the seventeenth time you’ve worn that this month.”
He stalks off to the bathroom.Lea,meanwhile,comes into our room,wearing a salmon-coloured dress and black stilettos.
“Ray,”she questions irritably,”where the hell did you put the hair straightener?”
“I gave it to Gia.”
“I just asked her,she doesn’t have it.”
“Shit.What about Shannon?”
“Nah,she’s wearing curls tonight.Mikey could have it.”
“No way,”Bob sweeps in,tying the laces of a clean pair of shoes,”he uses his own GHD limited gold edition.”
Everyone turns to stare.
“Or,y’know....”he stammers,”so I’ve heard.”
Lea still looks pissed off.
“Baby,”Ray simpers,draping his arms around Lea’s tiny waist,”you look gorgeous without the damn straightener.Pink is a really good colour on you.”
She breaks away form him,distraught.
“Pink?Ray,this isn’t pink.It’s bellini.”She scoffs,disgusted.”No one wears black and pink-“she points to her killer heels-“unless they’re Avril La-fucking-vingne.”
Bob nods.”That’s true.”
What the hell?!”Bob,since when are you an expertise in ladies fashion?”
He’s about to retort,when we hear from Ray and Lea’s kitchen:
“ALRIGHT MIKEY,HAND OVER THE FUCKING STRAIGHTENER,AND BUNNY WON’T GET HURT!”
“I don’t have it,I swear to God!”
“DON’T YOU LIE TO ME,BOY!”
Lea sighs.”I better go help Gia.”She slams the door on her way out.
Ray snorts.”What bit her up the ass?”
Mikey strolls in,toothpaste in hand.”Well,that’s what you get for calling bellini pink.”
I look at my watch.Shit.”Guys,will you c’mon?We’ve got to be at Frank and I’s apartment in fifteen minutes.Mikey,we’ll be eating soon,so brushing your teeth is completely pointless.”
Exaperated,I storm out of our room.I just want this night to go perfectly.I’ve been planning this since I met Frank,and if I fuck up,I’ll never forget it.
I knock on the next door cautiously,trying to shake my worries away.
“Girls?It’s Gerard.Can I come in?”
There is some scuffling,some “not that mascara,Shannon,the other one,” and finally Lea’s sing-song voice greets me:”Come in,Gerard!”
I walk in.Obviously I interrupted a make-up festival,since they’re all pursing their lips and curling their eyelashes.
They all look completely different.Mind you,for the past five months I have seen them in band shirts and other sexy garments you wear whilst on tour,so the dresses they’re wearing are a welcome change.Shannon,Gia,Lea,Montgomery and a girl I don’t recognise surround me.I told the girls to invite their friends,y’see.When I look at her she blushes furiously and stares at the floor,utterly mortified.
“I don’t believe we’ve met,”I smile pleasantly.
“Ah yes,”Montgomery says in her artistic croon,”Becca,meet Gerard.Gerard,meet Becca.She was a techie for Green Day during Warped.”
“BJ,”the girl hisses quietly,”my name is BJ,Montgomery.”
I extend my hand.”Awesome to meet you,BJ.”
“It’s so amazing to meet you,”she gushes,shaking my hand gently,”you look so different than your pictures.”
I survey her.She is stunning,no doubt about that.If I was straight,I’d be flirting with her in a second.Her Victorian full-length night gown is beautiful,her cropped black locks complementary.I notice with bemusement she has “so long and goodnight” tattooed on her neck.
“Alright,honey,”Gia instructs BJ,”strip.You can’t go to dinner looking like this.”
Her eyes widen in fear,and her gaze is fixed on me.
“Oh that,”Montgomery laughs.Apparently now I have been demoted from”Way” to “That.”Great.”Don’t worry ‘bout him.He’s gay.”
No one says anything,so Montgomery continues.
“Y’know,crossed to the other team?Playing both sides of the field?Does it up the-“
“Alright,Montgomery,thank you!”I say loudly.
“Don’t worry,I’ll be doing his make-up in the kitchen,”assures Lea.”So he won’t be here.C’mon Gerard.”
“Woah,who says you need to do my make-up?”
“Who put that eyeliner on you?”
“No wonder,it looks like you did it in the middle of an earthquake while fucking a hedghehog,”she says calmly.”So I’ll do it for you.Don’t worry,I’m a trained beautician.So,into the kitchen and I’ll do you after I’m finished with Shannon.”
Montgomery chortles.”Didn’t you know swung that way,Lea.”
Lea grimaces and leads Shannon and I to the kitchen.She pours some weird creamy liquid into her hand and then begins to spread it across Shannon’s face.
“What’s that?Tribal war paint?”
Shannon cracks an eye open.”Are you mentally challenged or somethin’?”
“Well,someone’s got their knickers in a bunch,haven’t we?”
“Look who’s talking,pissface-“
“Oh My God,”Lea cuts in,”you two are actually children.Shannon,close your eye,honey,or the foundation’ll go in and it won’t be pleasant.Gerard,this is foundation,you fucking weirdo.”
Ten minutes and a re-eyeliner later,Mikey,Ray,Bob and I are in my car.
“Okay,everyone got everything?We need to go to our house,pick up Frank,and then go to the restaraunt.The girls have already left,so-“
“Oh SHIT!”Mikey yelps and jumps outta the car.
“Oh,for fuck’s sake,Mikey,”I swear.”We’re already late,you toolshed.”
He arrives back,carrying a little case under his arm.
“What’s that,Mikey?”Ray asks.
I snort,backing out of the driveway.”And I’m the gay one.”
“Shut up!I have very fair skin,y’know.”
“Whatever,can we go already?”
“Thank you,Bob,that’s exactly what I-“
“Put the radio on.”
“We’ll be there in like two minutes,there’s-“
I snap the radio on.Britney Spear’s “Toxic” blares out,so I turn it off again.
“Gerard,what the actual fuck.”
“What?It’s Britney,and I just thought-“
“I LOVE her!”
“Yes,really,Bob,now turn it back fucking on,will you?!”
I switch the radio back on,only for Beyonce to spill out instead.
“See what you did,Gerard?Do you see?!”
“Jesus Christ,Ray,it’s just a fucking Britney song.”
“You wear make up,Mikey,you have no right to judge me!”
“I have fair skin!”
“Shit for brains!”
“UNICORNS DON’T EXIST!”
“YOU TAKE THAT BACK,RAY TORO,YOU-“
I get out of the car,slamming the door.Finally.This is the start of the best day of my life.I knock on our door and wait for Frank to answer.While I wait,I play with the little black velvet box in my pocket.