Read on and you shall find out why...
in the headlines tonight:
1.Our dearly beloved Full Of Holes will be updated on Wednesday.I know it's ages away-and ye just can't stand being away from Frankie and Gerard-but I have loadza shit to do,i.e. write an essay about sectarianism in Ireland,buy a dress for a wedding-I will never understand why sweatpants are not suitable attire for these damn things-and going to London to visit mah sistah.I don't mean some African American girl I'm friends with,I literally mean my biological sister.
So,getting back to the original topic,new chapter on Wednesday.
2.On Friday,I had this awkward l'il thing in my school where we welcomed new little first years.They looked terrified,their eyes full of fear,legs shaking with anxiety.Anyway,since I'm leaving this year-for college,not dropping out-I was asked if I'd kinda advertise the school.Which is a bit of a laugh really,'cause our school is ranked eighth of out nine schools in our area,and the ninth one is Protestant,so naturally Irish people would rank it last.
Aaaaanyway,so the little twits would come up to me and be like:
Twelve-year-old:Are we allowed go home for lunch?My mummy makes me sandwiches.
(I'm serious,someone actually asked that.)
Me:No.We stay here.But there's a caf down the hall and coffee machines on every floor.
Twelve-year-old:Do you make friends here?
Me,who got scared the living shit out of,cause I was listening to my iPod and the kid crept up on me:AHH!What?!
Twelve-year-old:Do you make friends?
Twelve-year-old:Do you have friends?
Me:I dunno,I don't count.
Twelve-year-old:I have six.
Me:muttersLord give me strength.
After a while,I just got pissed off,so:
Twelve-year-old:Is this school good?
Me:No,it's shit.It's a mindless brothel that warps your mind into a drunken spiralling abyss.After six years they turn into some Catholic slut who's only ambition in life is to get married and commit suicide at forty.
Twelve-year-old:Sorry?Didn't catch that.
Me:Yeah,the school's great.
All very innocent stuff.And then came this one.
You see,I had been called in last minute,so I was wearing what I had changed into to.
That consisted of:
-MCR "REVENGE" hoodie
-sweatpants-elementary,my dear Watson,elementary
So,if you're wondering:yes,I did look like a guy.
So,I was minding my own business,listening to my iPod and chatting to parents ("oh,yes,of course there's a no-smoking policy"or"pregnancy rates?ah,not too bad,not too bad at all.only six in my year")when this little snot swaggered up to me.You know the sort:designer clothes,evil smile and bitchy attitude.If she had approached me when I was her age,I woulda pissed my pats,but I was like:fuck it!I'm seventeen now.
So,she was walking by,and she looked at me.Not really a "hi,how are you?" look but more a
"I hate you like Noel hates Liam,but to even a worse degree".
Oh yes.That kind've look.
So then,after that,she went to her bitchy friend:
"Hmm,where do you think older students are?I wanna see the science lab."
I stepped in.I only had ten minutes more,so I might as well make an effort.
Me:Hi!I'm Lauren,I'm in sixth year.I'll show you the lab.
Bitch:No thanks.If your taste in music is like your taste in directions,we'll end up lost.
Okay,first off:that dosen't even make sense.And secondly;
NO ONE MAKES FUN OF THE EPICNESS THAT IS MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE IN FRONT OF ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!!stares like Liam Gallagher
Yeah....I'm a fan-girl.
Bitch:Hahahaha,what do you say to that?
This is where my warped mind took over.
Me:Well,I say good for you.You see,they tell you this is a girl's school,when in reality it's a prison.Seriously.If you're late for classes,they pull out you fingernails.One.By.One.And If you get a question wrong,they use the old IRA punishment.
Bitch's friend:W-w-what's that?
Me:Shoot ya in the kneecaps.
Bitch:That's not true.My sister went here,and she said it's fine.
Me:Well,of course they can't tell.See her?points to Ms.Hegarty,my Irish teacher and probably the nicest,wimpiest person on the planet
Me:Well,that's Ms.Hegarty.She's in charge of the people who tell.Head of the S.D.B.
Me:Snitch Destroying Brigade.
Bitch:Oh My God!What does she do?!
Me:No one knows for sure.But y'know Charles Manson?
Bitch:Of course we do.He's a serial killer,and a complete weirdo.
Me:Well,I shouldn't be telling you this,but some people believe Ms.Hegarty trained him.There's this thing where he rips out someone's ribs and lays them on the back.It's called "The Eagle."
Bitch:How do you-
Ms.Hegarty:Lauren,could you come over here for a moment please?
She was calling me over to talk about my college acceptance,but I pretended not to know this.
Me:Oh shit.I've said too much.
Bitch,Bitch's Friend:Oh My God,Oh My God-
Me:Guys,tell no-one about this,no one.
At that point I floated away to Ms.Hegarty,and when I next them they were clutching their elbows,rocking back and forwards.
Well.That's whatcha get for messing with an MCR fan-girl.
I need help,