Not an update.
Well,it started off in the morning.Nothing major there,just your regular depressed mood about school.I went to school,and had my first lesson.It was then that my friend informed me one of the kids who goes on the bus home with her called me a few names I'd rather not repeat.
I dunno if you guys know this,but I have really big self-esteem issues.If someone says something negative about me,I take it to heart.About two months ago I heard some bitch say my hair looked "bright orange."I promptly dyed it black.I never put my hand up in class and read out my answer,cuz I'm scared of being criticized.I think I come across as some ballsy-big-bossy-bitch,but I'm really not.I hate myself,and don't care if people call me emo for saying that.I think I'm fat,ugly and stupid.No amount of compliments or college acceptances will ever change that.
So anyway,after my friend told me that we had Maths.I got 52%,which is good for me,don't get me wrong,but the kid next to me got 90.And as the teacher was going around she just gave me this kind've look like my god,how useless is she?It just..really depressed me.
Then,a few classes later,I found out The Biggest Tool On The Planet-who cannot spell her own name and screams in my ear when I'm concentrating-is going out with the guy I like.
After that wonderful morning lunchtime came.I lied to the teacher and said I felt sick.I'm diabetic,and my school would be fined if they didn't allow me to go home if I was sick,in case I went in a coma or something.Because of that-and because my school is very poor-,I'm treated like a bomb.They're like "sure!go home!go anytime you want!" which is a major score I guess.
On the way home I stopped by the local shop,intending on buying a bottle of Coke and a bag of Doritos.When I was paying for them,somehow I bought a pack of fags as well.I felt awful as I packed them in my bag,because I haven't smoked since a few years back.I've been straight edge since I was 15,nearly three years ago.But I just walked outta there,a cancer stick placed in between my fingers.
When I was walking back to my house I saw something that just disturbed me;a girl about my age but from a different school was walking home.Or maybe she was bunking like me,I didn't ask.She was wearing a very short skirt-which was her own fault,I guess,but anyway-and then this guy came up behind her and pulled it up to her waist.She screamed and ran.It just... disappointed me that dicks like that exist.I marched up to my house and just ran to my room.
When I've had a shitty day or I'm in a bad mood I always listen to the radio.I don't know why,it's just like a comfort to me.Even if Rihanna's S&M is playing,I still listen.But do you know what was playing this time?Go on,give a guess.
Mad World by Gary Jules.
I remember a few chapters back DeathCookie-amazing chick-recommended it in a review,and I listened to it for like two hours straight.There's something about that song that's amazing-it's really depressing,yet really uplifting at the same time.I sat on my window sill staring onto my busy road,smoking,listening to that song.It was like something out of a Coen movie or something.
Anyway,I just felt like telling you guys I had a real shite day today.I feel a little better from writing this tho :)
well must go leaids.I have to do my geography homework.FUN TIME!
see ye tomorrow,