'I screamed and sobbed, not knowing who's cries were who's. Gerard was dying'
"I have Cancer."
I sobbed. My brother, Gerard Way, was dying. I thought of all our memories we'd shared. There'd been a lot. Suddenly I realised, once Gerard died, Frank would. Then My Chemical Romance would be dead. So would my best friends.
Then, I passed out.
I stood at my brother's grave side, tears rolling down my cheeks, the song we'd written the year previously playing. Cancer the song was called. I looked at the grave stone.
Gerard Arthur Way.
Taken by Cancer.
A remarkable young man, many friends,
"No matter how I go, or where I'm buried, I'm always with you."
April 9th 1977 - 2011
A Proud Killjoy.
A hand rested on my shoulder. A cold, firm hand, as if made of stone.
"I will always love you brother. Let everybody know, I'll always love you."
I screamed. Gerard, buried six feet down, was there, talking to me.
"Mikey! Mikey....!" Gerard was shaking my shoulders, patting my face.
"You okay?" he asked.
"No, I'm not OFuckingKay. You're d-d-dying..." I sobbed harder, my head hurting.
I saw Bandit, crying on the sofa, her head on Ray's shoulder. Her eyes were red and shiny. At her expression, I burst into tears again. I searched the room for Frank. He looked solemn, but not shocked. I then realised he looked sadder than LynZ.
She was sat in the corner of the room with Alicia, Jamia and Bethany. Christa was looking after Ray.
I looked for Bob. He wasn't on the sofa any more, he was passed out beside it.
Frank was looking really nauseas now and looked as if he was going to throw up. I got up and went into the kitchen to fetch a pan. I brought it back murmuring, "Just in case," into his ear.
He looked up at me, half smiling. I returned it briefly then turned to Gee.
"So, Frankie knew already?" I asked, looking into Gerard's sad hazel eyes.
"Yeah, he knew. I told him yeterday, at the tr-Beach. I told him at the beach." Something about the way he spoke made me think he told Frank somewhere else. But it didn't matter.
"How long d'you have?" I asked, secretely thinking how long to WE have. I knew after this that I would die of heartbreak or using my own means. The same probably went for Frank.
I looked at the calendar. '29/09/2011'.
"I have no idea. Tomorrow, next week, next month - who knows? Less than a year though. Less than a year..." Gerard replied, tears silently rolling down his cheeks.
"As long as I have you guys, I can fight it. But the minute one of us gives up, I don't think I'll be able to much longer. It's ironic. The day before I was taken into hospital I wrote the song Cancer."
I half laughed, half sobbed, "Ironic. Yeah. It is."
Bob woke up about an hour later and started sobbing. We were all very upset, the children too.
Cherry and Lily and Bandit were all lying with their heads on their fathers' laps, red, puffy eyes closed.
I yawned, stretched and looked at the clock. 00.14. Time for bed.
I got up and was just coming upstairs when Alicia came and gripped my wrist.
"We'll be ok. I'll come up with you." She whispered, looking sympathetic.
"Okay. Ok." I said. I was exhausted.
"Night sweety," Alicia said, kissing me softly as I got into bed.
"Night, love you." I said kissing her back.
As I slept, the horrible day I'd had, slipped away.