''People just don't disappear for no reason''....
Well here we were 'the bad place'. It had been 2 week since Gerard's freaky nightmare and things just seemed to spiral from there. He became isolated from us and spent all his time in his room (my guesses were he was crying or drawing). He refused to talk to us unless he absolutely had to, We all tried to get through to him lest he be returning to some bad habits but he told us to 'Fuck off' and would once again return to his sanctuary. The only time he seemed like the old Gerard was on stage when he was singing his heart out, he always said this band was his therapy which made me worry more so. I had a feeling Frank was holding something back, like he knew a little more than we did but i was too busy making sure Gee was eating properly (which i'm sure he wasn't) to deal with him.
We were all sitting in the bunk room in silence but we were all thinking the same thing.
''So wheres Gee?'' i asked trying to strike up a conversation.
''He went out this morning'' Ray replied a little anxiously, we were all on edge right now.
''Did he say where?''
''No, he just took off. But i guess it'll be good for him to get out before the concert, we'll be in Chicago by Friday and have the weekend to get ready''.
''What the hell is going on with him?'' i interjected. ''It's just been getting worse and worse, its like it's eating away at him'' i was angry he hadn't come to me, we used to share everything but now he just kept his feelings hidden, why? So he wouldn't be a burden?
''He's not eating or sleeping'' Frank said simply.
''I think we need to hold a intervention or something, we can't let him become self destructive, not again'' Ray got up ''If he's depressed we can't wait for him to talk to Mikey or one of us because it might be too late''. We all nodded in silent agreement.Knowing my brother was trying not to take us down by hiding, was more painful than words could say but we had to try and reach out to him.
It was a stupid impulsive move, but i couldn't take it any more. I was a coward and i didn't want to make my problems theirs. It had been brutal for me these last couple of weeks, every time i closed my eyes i saw my brothers lifeless corpse. I hadn't slept or had any food pass my lips in what felt like a eternity. I was afraid, so i left. We had stopped at a hotel for the night since the tour bus had some mechanical problems and we didn't want a broken down tour bus in the middle of nowhere. I had left a note, well not really a note just a slip of paper with the word 'sorry' on it. I put it on top of my phone, which i had purposely left behind so they knew it wasn't a kidnapping. They had all tried to get me to tell them but i couldn't... it was too horrible. I was afraid i would do something to them, that i would be the cause of their deaths. I knew it was crazy and even crazier to keep it to myself, but we're all a little insane right?
I was wearing torn jeans and a hoodie, not the warmest of clothes items but i didn't want to be recognized. I really hadn't thought this plan through but all i knew was i was sleep deprived, weak and just had to get away. I walked for hours, until my feet bled, but i deserved the pain. I had no idea where i was, some sort of rural area with long grass. I was so tired. My knees gave way and i crashed to the floor. Letting sleep wash over me, as well as fear, because i knew what was coming....