'but we knew if he had wanted to die he would run to do so. So we didn't see him suffer. For our benefit'
-----> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrURolaDZB4 :) R&R
''WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE LEFT'' Mikey roared at a very pale looking Frank.
''I-I don't know, i found this on top of his phone''Frank stuttered passing a slip of paper to Mikey who just stared at it in shock as though willing it to disappear. We had all been concerned for Gee for a while now but i didn't think it had gotten this bad. I hated that he couldn't talk to us, his best friends, but maybe that was part of the problem?
''Maybe it's not what it looks like''. Thats me always trying to find the positive side.''He only left at around 8.00, we can't jump to conclusions''.
''THAT WAS SEVEN FUCKING HOURS AGO'' Mikey exploded in my face obviously upset''HE'S BEEN DEPRESSED FOR THE PAST TWO WEEKS, HAVING FUCKED UP DREAMS AND NOW HE'S GONE''. Mikey sat down on the couch and began to sob.
I sat and tried to comfort him and nodded at Frank who had pulled out his phone. We had spoken to Lyn-z about Gerard's behavior as we agreed it was getting increasingly worse. She had tried to get the truth out of him and had succeeded in pissing him off when asking had he been doing any drugs. Now things were so out of hand all we could hope is that she might know where her husband was; it wasn't like Gee was going to abandon his wife and child, he's a good guy.
''Please Mikey, don't cry he probably just needs some time to himself'' i put an arm around the younger Way.
''T-Then why d-didn't he s-say anything'' He choked out.
''I don't know'' i whispered, more to myself than Mikes. This was so fucked up. Where would he go anyway?
Frank returned to the room looking disappointed.
''Lyn-z doesn't know where he went, but with the way Gee's been acting recently we should start looking and maybe cancel some tour dates'' he spoke with a solemn expression.
This was so fucked up!
...i took out the cold hard blade and plunged it into her now bloody face, as a invisible force took control i just kept stabbing, and stabbing and stabbing until .... blackness
I woke up, tears streaming down my face and a intense pain in my chest. ''Just calm down'' i thought to myself. But i couldn't get the images out of my head;i was a murder. Or at least thats what i would become if i stayed.
I took in my surroundings. I had walked so far for so long, i wasn't sure where i was anymore. Some where in Chicago... but thats about all i know for certain. Just a empty field that seemed to go on forever.
I was exhausted by this point. Its been eight days and i haven't eaten or had any water. I had been getting approximately 2 hours sleep a night and every second was filled with horrifying visions of me and my friends, only i was killing them and that fact was killing me.
I had to keep going, get as faraway as i could. I knew they would worry and wonder why, maybe even look for me? But it was for their own safety i left. Hey, no sleep makes you do crazy things, and i had already passed out a few times from my lack of energy. I was past the point of no return.
I kept going till i saw something. anything. I had had a back pack with a little food and water and my sketch pad but had dropped them when they became too much to carry. Then i saw a road, this was good all roads led somewhere. So for the next six hours it was me, myself and the road. I was sure i had started hallucinating from lack of... well just about anything. I began to think of all i had left behind. My best friends, my brother, my wife, my beautiful daughter. I knew i wasn't going to see them again, the last two days i had been throwing up blood. I knew this wasn't a good sign when i first saw it but was too weak to care if i was dying or not.
Then i realized without knowing i had stumbled (quite literally, i wasn't even sure how i was still holding myself up ) into a cemetery.
''Ironic'' i whispered to myself. Oh shit was i laughing. A quiet cemetery is a great place to curl up and die. I crawled up next to a tomb stone and as creepy as it sounds a finally felt at rest. I had excepted my fate and was paying for what i had done. I could feel a warm liquid fill my lungs as i gasped for air ... and dark splotches obscured my vision. I knew i was on the floor but i didn't understand why there was blood everywhere. Thoughts of Mikey filled my head as darkness swept over me ... i regretted leaving him but whats the worst that i could say, it was better off this way.so long and goodnight ......
Its all my fault. He's been missing for a week, how could i have not noticed how bad it had gotten so quickly. It was the nightmares. He hadn't told anyone what they were about and they were haunting him. He hadn't woken up in hysterics, but that was only because he had hardly slept. We had called the police after two days to report Gee missing. They asked us numerous questions about his mental state which non of us could really answer. Mikey was scared, so scared of loosing his brother, he would insist on looking for Gee himself as if the police were inadequate. But we were all so fucking frightened, what if Gerard was dead?? How would any of us deal with that? Lyn-z and Bandit had flown out the day after Gee disappeared, how could he runaway, didn't he see we all cared so much for him? I tried to stay calm, we all did, i would cry myself to sleep at night hoping Gee was okay. Alicia, Jamia and Christa all flew out here as well, for support, after a few days. I was grateful they were all here but it made it seem so much more real.
Mikey had taken this hardest though, the fact his own flesh and blood had run because we were unable to help. He would cry and cry more than anyone, more than Gerard's own wife, but we knew if he had wanted to die he would run to do so. So we didn't see him suffer. For our benefit. Only Ray, Mikey and I knew this because we had seen his last downward spiral...the one that almost killed him. Almost killed him.