Mikey explains things to the guys and gets ready to break it off with Lillian
“He had a problem with it before?” I could tell that was Frank, man I must have seemed like a real ass last night.
“Yeah, he couldn’t stop. It was really bad and he was getting worse and worse. It scared all of us. He would go missing for days then show up at the door like nothing happened. He would drive, he would take a run on the turnpike. He was just a mess.” I felt a hand lightly going through my hair and I knew it was Gerard.
“He had a patient around 6 years back who he became really close to. Then Bob just killed himself one day. No note, no goodbye just dead. Mikey took it extremely hard, he blamed himself completely for not being there enough for him, and at first he would just drink when he felt the worst, then it became he drank all the time. But he stopped two years ago. Went to a program, never touch it again. Until last night.” I heard Gerard sigh and I felt ashamed of my actions last night.
“I don’t know why what I said really effected him so much, I joke about Lillian all the time, this wasn’t even close to how I usually joke.” Gerard was blaming himself. I had to step in now.
“S’not your fault” I said, my eyes on focused on him. He looked down and gave me a sad smile.
“I’ve been really stressed with work, and Lillian that I’m starting to, well I’ve just been feeling like I’ve bee going a little crazy myself.” I half joked and started to sit up. I realized that my shirt was no longer on my body. “Where’s my shirt?” I asked and Gerard leant down and picked it off the floor.
Handing it to me he said “You were sweating like crazy so I took it off.”
I quickly dressed again and turned to Frank who was looking at my now shirted chest with a frown.
“I’m sorry you had to see me like that Frank.” I said highly embarrassed. How very unprofessional of me. “And I’m sorry to have done it at all Gee. I’m okay really, yesterday was just a lapse in judgement. It wont happen again.”
Frank looked at my face.
“You know, it’s not your fault.” He said softly.
“Oh no, drinking is 100 percent my fault. I shouldn’t of even had the whisky here anyways.”
“No, I mean Bob. You could of been there every second and he could of told you everything and he still probably would of done it. If you reach that level of depression there really is no force holding you back from doing it. It’s a completely selfish act, he wasn’t thinking of who he would hurt, he just didn’t want to think at all anymore. And you know the whole note thing probably didn’t even come to his mind because he wanted to just do it, not think about it to much, cause if you think about it and write it down, its real. And that makes you not want to anymore. It wasn’t your fault. You probably could of saved him if you met him before he had already made up his mind but you couldn’t have helped him when you tried. It was too late. And thats not your fault.” He said the whole time looking at his shoes on the floor. I didn’t know what to say. I honestly just tried to not think about Bob anymore.
“Thank you Frank.” I finally responded. The kid nodded and looked up.
“You have a few missed calls. I started getting annoyed with it so I turned it off.” Frank admitted and tossed me my phone from his table. I turned it on and saw 5 more missed calls from Lillian. I felt my stomach turn. I should not have the feeling of dread when I see her name. I closed the phone and rubbed the morning out of my face.
“When are you going to break up with her?” Gerard asked looking over my shoulder. I shrugged.
“I guess soon. I have really had enough. I hate women.” I said and stood up. Frank smiled.
“Then are you into men?” He asked, I turned red.
“Mikey? No, the kid’s straighter then a pole.” Gerard answered for me. Franks smile died down a little.
“Things change Gerard. Maybe women just aren’t for me.” I said quietly. Gerard’s head shot to me.
“When did this happen? God I swear you don’t fucking tell me anything anymore. You would think that you could tell me this!” He said sounding hurt. Then he turned to an empty side of the room. “Right? And he was the one I came out to.... Yeah! Trust!” He turned back to me. “You have to trust me. You know I won’t judge you.” I looked at the space where Craig must be and shook my head.
“You know Gee, you’re right, but this is all new to me so I am telling you first. I do trust you.” I hugged him and looked back at Frank, who was smirking.
“Alright Mikey, but you how are you going to do this? You have been with her for forever.” Gerard said.
“I was thinking I would just call her say its over and take a nap.” I confessed looking at the phone.
“Harsh.” Frank said simply. “I would do it in person, like go on a lunch date and then tell her gently. Women are crazy with this kind of stuff.” I nodded and dialed her number.
“My God. Do you know how many times I tried to contact you? I even went to your apartment, you didn’t come home last night.” Lillian immediately attacked me with questions.
“Lilian I stayed over the hospital. Listen can we grab lunch today?” I asked and looked at Gerard who was nodding to let me know I was calm sounding.
“Lunch? Not a good start. Lunch. Not dinner? Are you breaking up with me?” She asked not sounding sad but simply annoyed. I froze.
“Lillian I just want to talk to you. I’m having trouble with a lot of things and need to talk to you.” I avoided the question.
“Alright, lets meet at The Cub at 12.” She said and hung up leaving no room for discussion. What if I was busy? I do work. I looked at the guys and told them I was going to be leaving in an hour to meet with her.
Frank leaned back. “So what is there to do in this place?”
Gerard laughed. “It’s a hospital for the mentally ill, most of us are happy staring at the tiles on the floor dance.” Frank laughed a little too.
“We have a couple movie’s you guys can watch in the main room, a couple board games, I can get you a paint set like Gerard has, I can let you guys go in the court yard and play some basket ball or crochet. But that’s about it.” I said
“Can you get me a guitar?” He asked. I felt bad.
“Unfortunately the strings on the guitar are a hazard to those on watch.” I gently told him.
“Only for an hour with you here to watch me, and make sure I don’t do anything stupid? When you leave for your break up date you can take it back. No harm.” He suggested logically.
I knew it was technically against the rules but I gave in anyway. I went and unlocked the music room and took the acoustic guitar off the stand and brought it over. Frank grabbed it immediately and tried to play, cringing when he heard how out of tune it was. He started tuning it and I was enjoying how concentrated he was. Once it sounded right he started playing some music that I didn't recognize. It was upbeat and very well done I found myself losing track of time just listening to the kid play, until my phone rang.
“We'll try and ease the pain but somehow we'll feel the same. Well, no one knows where our secrets go.”
“Hello?” I answered.
“Where are you Mike? Its 12:15” I cursed myself.
“On my way sorry!” I said and she hung up.
I rudely grabbed the guitar from Frank, said a quick apology, returned it to the room, locked the door, and hurried out of the hospital.