Chapter 8, Gee's POV :D!! Contains some foul mouthery. >:) A little fighting... This is the starts of some FRERARDY Frerard.
REVIEWS. MOAR REVIEWS. THEY'RE DEMANDED.
It seemed like Frankie was becoming more and more refined. I don’t know what happened to him, but he’s losing a lot of his vibrancy. I couldn’t understand why he was pulling himself away from me.
If I were to ask him, “How was your day?” He’d only shrug, and reside to the couch were he would nap for hours on end. I’ve tried multiple times to ask him what was wrong, but every time, he’d just shrug at me and say “Eh. Nothing.”
Where was the Frankie I had a few weeks ago? Wherever he is, I want him back. I loved Frankie with all my heart, and to see him acting this way scared me and made me feel as bad as he probably does.
One thing I could count on, is that he’d jump at any opportunity to get out of the house, no matter where he was, or where he was going.
“Frankie?” I called through the house.
“Hmph…” He groaned unenthusiastically.
“We need to go to the store for a few things.” I said, finally finding his lumpish form on the couch and poking him.
“Okay… I’ll get my shoes.” He said and slipped on some converse.
I smiled at him, trying to drag the Frankie I knew and loved out. I couldn’t help but think this was my fault.
Was it okay for me to still want to work things out with Ray? Is this because I barely touch him anymore to avoid making him feel like he’s in another relationship with Kyle? Who’s to say that he isn’t actually madly in love with Mikey, and that he’s depressed because he want to be with Mikey, not me, and he just doesn’t want me to go off and kill myself? Is this because I’m fat and ugly, and he’d rather not be seen in public with a total slob?
He walked out the door, and I was not far behind. The Monroe Market Place was a pretty big plaza down the street, within walking distance. It had a grocery store, a pet supply store, a paint supply place, and a big shopping outlet.
I grabbed his hand, and he hesitated holding mine back.
“Frank.” I stopped him, concerned. He’s never turned down holding my hand.
“Hm?” He said, looking vacantly in my direction.
“What’s wrong?” I said with a tad bit more concern than the last times.
“Nothi-” He began and I cut him off.
“There couldn’t be nothing wrong, or you wouldn’t be acting like this. You need to talk to me, Frankie.” I said, stepping closer.
“I-It’s okay, Gee.” He said, and I could see him welling up with tears. So I wrapped my arms around him.
“Please Frankie… Just talk to me.” I begged as he started to sob a little into my shoulder.
“Gee… I want you to hate me.” He said, and I gave him a confused look.
“Wait… What?” I asked.
How did that make any sense? He killed himself because he thought I didn’t love him, now he wants me to hate him.
“For what I did with Mikey a while ago. I want you to say you don’t forgive me.” He said, not moving his head from where it rested on my shoulder.
“Frankie, I do forgive you though… Unless you want me to lie to you…” I said shrugging a little.
“GOD DAMN IT GERARD! YOU CAN’T FORGIVE ME FOR THAT!” He screamed and started to cry uncontrollably. “Gee, I love you… But what I did… It wasn’t right, okay? You just can’t forgive me for it.”
“But Frankie, you haven’t done it since! You’re not just randomly going up to my brother and attacking him, so it’s fine! I love you to much to not forgive you.” I said, trying to get it through his head that there was no way I could ever be mad at him for an extended period of time.
He started rubbing the side of his head, like me not hating him was some big mystery that’s conclusion was so utterly unbelievable that it couldn’t be true.
I understand why he was so upset, though. Even though I wasn’t mad at him for it, I still thought about it every day. I mean, the guy you were about to propose to is making out with your brother on your own couch. It’s hard to keep your mind off of it. But now, I think I’m going to have a little more closure, because I can see how guilty he feels for it. But today, I don’t think that day is going to stop replaying in my head.
(Flashback) I let Frankie in the door after greeting him with a hug, and ran upstairs to my room for his little surprise.
Today was the day. I was VERY excited. I was going to ask Frankie if he wanted to marry me. We’d been together for about 3 years at this point. I knew Frankie wasn’t one to show-or announce-his feelings, and that was fine. Because I could tell that he loved me in his eyes.
I ran upstairs, and into my room, looking around for the small box that would seal my happiness. I was so excited, that it took me about 10 minutes or so to remember that I had kept it on my nightstand.
I quickly made my way down the steps, and lost my grip on the little box.
“Shit.” I grumbled to myself in a nearly inaudible tone.
I looked up to see if Frankie had saw me drop the box, but instead, I saw him kissing my brother.
I can’t even remember what I said to Mikey at this point, it was all just one big blur to me.
I wasn’t mad at Mikey… I remember that much. I was shocked, and slightly horrified…But I wasn’t mad. I told him to get out so that way I wouldn’t have to ask him why he was making out with my boyfriend. Why, out of all the guys he had to be making out with, it had to be my Frank.
I remember everything Frankie had said. I remember everything I said back.
“W-Why?” I asked, looking directly at the box that once had my future in it.
“I… I… Um…” He stuttered.
“How long has this been going on?” I asked, I felt the tears burning my eyes, about to spill over to my cheeks.
“It just happened this time… G-Gerard, I’m so sorry…” He said, I was to scared to look over at him, and see him crying.
“Did you enjoy it? Do you like Mikey more than me?” This was probably one of the first questions in my head. When I’d saw them.
“No Gerard, you know that…” He said, trying to reassure me.
“No, I don’t know that Frank. I really don’t.” I said. Well, in all honesty, I didn’t know at that point.
“I love you, Gerard.” He said. All I wanted was for him to leave and be happy with someone else. Someone who would probably be Mikey.
“Frank, I love you… I don’t believe for a minute that you love me.” I said so he could hear.
“Gerard, I’m so sor-” He said, and I cut him off. I just didn’t want to see him cry. I didn’t want to make him cry. I didn’t want to be the reason he cried…
“think it’s time you left, Frank. I think it’s time you leave, and find someone else…” I said. Those were the most painful words that I’ve ever uttered from my lips. The instant the came out, I wanted to suck them back in and never speak of my stupidity again. All I wanted in my life was Frankie. But now I knew I’d never be able to look at him the right way ever again. I’d always be thinking that when he’s kissing me, he’s kissing Mikey. When he’s talking to me, he’d rather be talking to Mikey.
“I-I’m so sorry Gerard…” He said. I could feel a tear rolling down my face.
“Leave. Please. Just give me that…” I said after putting my hand up to silence him.
“Al-Alright Gerard… I-I love you…” He said, and I pointed to the door, the dam holding my tears back about to break. “I’m sorry…” He said, left and that was the last time I’d seen or talked to him for a while.
That night, I sat up in my room and cried. When I woke up the next morning, it felt like I had got hit by a truck. I couldn’t believe this had happened…(Out of Flashback)
“Frankie… please…” I begged.
“Please what?!” He demanded.
“Please be yourself… I love you so damn much! Why can’t you see that and get it through that thick skull of yours?! I love you to bits, but sometimes, you’re just stupid.” I said, instantly regretting saying that.
“Stupid? I’m just stupid? Sorry I’m not smart enough for you, Gerard.” He replied coldly.
“Frankie…” I began, hearing a faint ‘what, gee? What? Say what you’re going to fucking say. Do it. Please. Floors yours.’ from Frankie. “Oh, don’t be like that.” I huffed. “You knew what I meant.”
“Don’t be so sure of that!” Frankie snapped.
“I wont be next time, if that’s what you’d like!” I said with a scowl.
“Don’t be so sure that there is going to be a next time.” He said, rage burned into his face.
“What’s that supposed to mean?!” I asked desperately.
“I think… You should… Find someone better suited for you, Gerard.” He said, the rage turning into depression.
All at once I went numb, my head spun and my legs went weak.
“Frankie…” I started to cry. “Frankie… You can’t leave me… I-I love you… Please… S-Stay… P-Please be with me…”
I wrapped my arms around him to keep him standing where he was, because I didn’t want to lose him. He is my life support. I was his life support. Why would he want to leave me? Calling him stupid was a mistake, and I regretted it whole-heartedly after the words uttered my lips. I could always play the ’You Cheated On Me With My Brother’ card, but I was to grown up too do that. And, from what I just saw, he felt bad enough about it as is. But anyway, why would he want to leave me?
“Gee… I love you… So much… But, you really don’t love me…” He said, hugging back a little.
“Frank Anthony Iero! How could you say that?!” I demanded, growing upset with him.
“Because I’m not good enough for you!” He screamed at me.
“SAYS WHO?!” I screamed back.
“SAYS THE PERSON THAT WOULD FUCKING KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU, THAT’S WHO!” He yelled.
“YOU’RE BEING A REAL PRICK!” I said and pushed him a little.
“YOU’RE BEING A REAL FUCKER!” He said and slapped me across the face.
I don’t know what came over me, but whatever did, it made me kiss Frankie.
He kissed back harshly, filled with rage and hurt. Our tongues battled for dominance and the kiss felt more passionate than most of the ones before.