FicWad

It’s cold in here.
I leant up and sighed quietly, my left arm too short to reach for the cool, brass latch attached to the window frame without me getting up to grasp it. And that took effort. I was in no mood to make any kind of effort today. It took enough effort getting up out of bed this morning, and the walk over here was just agonising. I wanted to leave. I was so desperate to stay at home today; I even tried out my signature retching noises into the toilet as Anna was waking up that morning. I made sure an opened tin of her vegetable ravioli was tucked away in the warm pocket of my hoodie, and actually felt ready to vomit as I tore the wet, soggy parcels into small chunks, before dropping them into the porcelain bowl with a ‘splosh.’ The splattering tomato sauce, white, lumpy cheese and dark green vegetable chunks that I couldn’t even begin to identify coated the ivory walls in a scarily realistic fashion. I even smeared a little round my chapped lips for effect, before binning the can and holding my nose for as long as possible so I actually didn’t start heaving at the rancid smell. I hate ravioli, but sacrifices have to be made when you’re in a situation like I am. And as that situation was planning on taking our lesson later today, I couldn’t face going in. So, as pathetic as this idea was, it had never failed me before and well, I was getting desperate. In times like these, the tiny pasta squares became my trusted ally. The vegetable filling was the perfect disguise and got me off school all the time when I was younger and had a maths test or something. Like I said, I know it was a stupid idea, I mean; I’m nineteen for crying out loud. But, whether it was over-exposure to ravioli over the years or just bad karma, my immune system rapidly depleted into nothingness so theoretically this still should work.

And I was so close to thinking it would. I ran my damp fingers through my hair so the black locks came through in thin, greasy strands, and looked at myself in the mirror. I sure as hell sounded ill, but still looked like a messy child at dinner time. I coughed and spluttered as I dashed about the room, fixing some product in my hair to make it look and smell awful. I grinned to myself as I heard a soft ‘Oh Goodness! Frankie?’ from downstairs and set on rubbing my eyes quickly and roughly with the palm of my hands. Within seconds, the sockets were red and puffy, tears starting to accumulate from the vigorous treatment I was putting them through. As quick as a flash, I had dropped to my knees again and was bent over the toilet, the bathroom door bursting open as if on cue. This was it, I knew it would work. Anna would freak out, call my dad who would automatically dismiss me from college without even checking. He couldn’t stand vomit and Anna, lovely as she was, would have believed me if I told her I was gay or something. She’s that gullible. Oh dear. At that thought, I shook my head violently and thought I was actually going to be sick with fear. This is the exact reason why I couldn’t go in today. I wasn’t ready to go to art knowing all the answers about myself when I was so confused, upset and terrified about what would happen to me. I quickly blocked that thought out of my mind and closed my eyes, taking a few deep breaths before coughing over the toilet, Anna’s hands on my shoulders as she held my hair back.

‘Oh Frankie, Frankie c’mon, that’s it just...’ Her comforting words slowly came to a halt as she bent over the toilet next to me, her eyes on something lying by my side. On the floor was a tiny corner of the pasta, practically mocking me as Anna picked it up, looking at the perfectly crinkle cut sides and frowning. ‘This is my ravioli, isn’t it?’ I looked up at her from my position, a clump of my hair still in her hand and I bit my lip, a shaky ‘no?’ coming out and I felt my in ingenious plan falling apart at the very seams. I knew I was trying to convince myself that it wasn’t, and so did she. In one swift movement, I was on my ass by the sink and Anna was looking into the toilet, smirking as she returned her gaze back to mine. ‘Nice try kiddo, you don’t even do math anymore. C’mon, get up and get ready. If you really start to feel ill then go to the nurse at college.’ With that, she patted me on the shoulder with a giggle and wiped the tomato sauce off my cheek, flushing all my plans to miss college with that damned pasta down the toilet.

So here I am. Sitting in the far corner of the cold art room, trying to weigh up which is more important: sitting on my ass for a few minutes longer or reaching up to close the window and actually doing something productive today. I looked up at the window again and sighed, bringing my outstretched arm down again to rest it on the table and lay my chin on my palm. Sitting on my ass seemed much more desirable than just about anything right now. I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut for a moment until little sparks flew across the black canvas I had created, and I was forced to open them again. The blank sketchbook created a harsh contrast and made me blink a few times, the same coloured sparks flying around the page like magical shooting stars. Except I couldn’t wish on any of them. Nothing could turn back the clock now or take me away from it all, I had to just sit back and face the music and I just wasn’t ready. I mean, it had been three days and I still didn’t know what to do. I had barely slept over the weekend with thoughts clouding my mind about how I was going to tackle Monday. I had prayed for forgiveness the very night it happened. I clutched at my crucifix and explained everything, apologising over and over for how naive I’d been, how I’d practically hidden my religion from Gerard as if it was something to be embarrassed about. I begged for what felt like hours for forgiveness, so shaken by the experience it was only when dad came in to ask what the matter was that I thought I should get some sleep. I was truly sorry, I wanted forgiveness like nothing else, and only settled down once I was sure God knew that.

But the moment I closed my eyes, everything I’d done for the past hour or two just melted away, because, in my dreams, there he was, ready and waiting to take me away. My lips pouted in my sleep to meet his kiss again, a small groan emitting from them at the silky soft touch, our mouths connecting like two puzzle pieces. I rolled over as Gerard parted my lips, his pale, slender fingers working their way round my neck and up into my hair and his warm tongue just flicking against mine. That man could tease like no other, and I felt myself just being lulled into his trap. Whilst I was asleep, I had no control over my actions, no reason to stop myself, no reason not to enjoy what he was doing to me. ‘Mmm’s and small groans were exchanged between hot, passionate kisses, our lips colliding a little sloppily against each others as we rolled about on that glistening white sand. My tongue soon met his own, and I gasped, tasting skittles and cherry cola, my favourite. I couldn’t stop myself, and leaned into his touch, our torsos pressing together. The man nipped and sucked at my bottom lip, swirling his tongue over my lip ring before pushing me back on the sand with a soft ‘Frankie...’ My favourite part of the dream was whenever he said my name. I felt so special, so exclusive, so... So... Mmm...

That’s always when I’d wake up. Yes, always, this had happened every night since the kiss. At the sound of my name, my eyes would shoot open and I’d roll over on to my back. It started to become a routine now, but every morning I’d still look down and feel my stomach clench in guilt. I’d prayed every single morning, night, and even between lessons sometimes, but whenever I drifted off to sleep, I’d forget it all. I would abandon everything I believed in, and what’s worst, I’d enjoyed it. Feeling the dampness in my boxers was a definite sign of that and, on every discovery I’d just feel guiltier, sickened with myself, like a child. This should have stopped years ago, and the fact I found myself so unable to control my own thoughts about Gerard made me want to just curl up somewhere dark and never come out again. Last night, I even clutched my rosary in my hand, hugging the wooden cross to my chest and forcing myself to think about my friends, bands I was going to see, anything but those soft lips. I slept peacefully through the night, waking up, once again, completely horrified. Another leaking erection was waiting ready to be immersed in freezing shower water, the crucifix laying abandoned on the floor on top of a magazine. I had to call a stop to this, I couldn’t understand why my body was making such a big deal over one kiss, I didn’t want it at all, there, there was no part of me that enjoyed being under that man the other night. No part.

I looked up at the clock and sighed. Five more minutes, come on Frank. You’ve managed to waste the whole lesson doing absolutely nothing and he hasn’t come over once. You can go home at four, you can handle five more minutes. It’s true, when Gerard entered the room, he hadn’t looked at me once. The rest of the class were pleasantly surprised by his lack of attention to me as it meant they actually got some proper help. So was I, I was terrified that he would come over and start something else. On walking here, I imagined all the things he might try and how I could shout for help and get him shown up in the quickest way possible. I was prepared for nearly any look he could fire at me, any comment he could try and murmur to make me blush, and had worked out the perfect position to sit at the table to make it obvious if his hands started wandering under there. What I wasn’t prepared for was a complete lock out, but I have to say I was more than happy. It means he doesn’t want anymore, right? That it was one kiss, he knows it was wrong and believe me, so do I, but that’s the end of it. I was starting to convince myself I didn’t even miss talking to him, that my friends were so much better to spend time with and as soon as class was over I’d catch up with them all for pizza or something. But then the confusion came. If he was ignoring me today, then why did he smirk at me after I’d run away? I remember it like it was ten minutes ago, me running frantically down the sand towards the wooden steps of the board walk, feeling more and more secure the further I got away from him. And then I turned round. You couldn’t mistake it, it was so clear on his face. The typical movie character ‘You better watch your back, kid,’ kinda smirk. I remember the chills that erupted down my spine and how I raced home like a bullet out of a gun, so afraid but struck with a feeling of excitement and the urge to rush back over there. That feeling, the feeling of being absolutely torn between my heart and my head was the thing keeping me up at night. It was the reason why I didn’t want to come in today, it was the reason why I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

‘Drrrriiiiiiiiinnnng!’ The electric shrill of the bell nearly pierced my ear drums and made me jump with a soft gasp. I looked up at the clock and saw the minute hand tick its way onto the large, black ‘12’ printed on the top of the clock. It was four, time to get outta here. I packed up my things swiftly, shoving my book deep in my messenger bag and grabbing my pencils, before zipping the black device up. Everyone else was getting ready too, do doubt eager to start their evening on the couch with some popcorn and ‘Glee’s famous Mark Salling. I slung my bag over my shoulder and looked around quickly, Gerard occupied with another student, so I made a quick beeline for the door. The minute my hand touched the dull, gold knob though, I heard my name, and turned round to see Jamia calling me for my help. Fuck. Jamia and I have been friends only a few weeks actually, but we’re still at the stage where you say ‘yes’ to each other’s requests just because it’s polite, so really, I didn’t have a choice. I rushed over and helped her push her large canvas on to the drying wrack, complimenting her on the painting of an angel she’d started. I smiled and chatted to Jay for a moment, making one of the worst decisions ever, I found out. Any other time, any other time I would have loved to chat with her, but it was like someone had planned it out. Because, on chatting with her, I started telling her about my guitar, and on telling her about my guitar, she put her bag down to listen. Oh no. That meant she had time to listen, when really time was no option to me. So I made it short. A little chat, that’s fine, and soon, she had fitted her white tote bag on one shoulder and was hugging me goodbye. If she’d just walked away a little sooner, I wouldn’t have noticed it, but no. As she left out the room, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, one of her pens. Now, I don’t know what it is about girls and their stationary, but all the ones I know are majorly attached, Jamia especially.

‘Oh, Jay you forgot this,’ I called, unaware how quickly she’d left the room as I bent down to get the pink writing utensil. I was also unaware how quickly everyone else had left the room, but when I turned round, there was only one other person left. A soft chuckle escaped his pouty lips and I heard a tiny ‘click’ as a little gold key entered the lock and twisted. I gasped, my eyes widening. Had he seriously just locked that? ‘Er, G-Gerard?’ I murmured softly, my stunned brain maybe wondering if he hadn’t realised I was still in there. No Frank, if he hadn’t realised that, he would have locked the door from the outside, idiot. I bit my lip as he pulled on a little white cord to roll down the blind covering the window, the cream fabric shielding me and encasing me in his trap. ‘Gerard, I’m... I’m still here you know,’ I murmured equally quietly, knowing whatever I said next would be completely useless. Gerard put the key on the top of the white door frame and stood there a moment, before turning round to me, my blood running cold as there on his lips, painted like the artist he was, was that very smirk I longed to get away from. ‘Gerard, I can’t-’

‘Mmm, I know you are Frankie, I can see you can’t I?’ He chuckled playfully, his eyes locked with mine as he completely ignored my protest. It was the first time he’d looked at me all day, and I had to tear myself away from his gaze to hide my reddened cheeks. We were at opposite ends of the room, but I suddenly felt really close to him. Uncomfortably close. ‘You can’t what Frank?’ He asked softly, placing a hand on his hip and leaning his weight on it, his eyes burning into my skull as he slowly walked forward. ‘Frankie?’ He asked again, that delicious sound rolling off his tongue and I had to close my eyes, gripping gently to the counter by the drying wrack. ‘Mmm, the other night told me a lot about you ya know, I never knew you had a faith.’ Gerard practically laughed as he said those words, and I knew he was mocking me for my complete abandonment of it when we were last together. He was stood by the blackboard in there now, worrying a piece of chalk through his fingers. ‘That’s why you wouldn’t kiss me, isn’t it? Because Jesus says it’s not right to kiss boys?’

‘Leviticus,’ I said softly, ‘You shall not lie with a man as one lies with a female, it is an abomination.’

‘An abomination huh?’ He purred, making it almost sound like a good thing.

‘Yes, an abomination. A disgrace. A sin. It’s a sin for me to do this with you.’

‘Mmm... Really? A sin huh?’ He asked, and I didn’t look up as I answered, hearing him writing something on the board in the scratchy white chalk.

‘Y-Yes. When a man lies down with a male the same as one... As one lies down with a woman, they have done a detestable thing and should be put to death. Their own blood is upon them- what’s that?’ I asked with wide eyes as there, in big, bold letters was the word ‘LUST.’ Written right there on the board for everyone to see, even the word made me blush.

‘Wow Frankie, you sure do know your stuff. I feel... practically enlightened that you’ve taught me that sin.’ I knew he was lying, and I glared softly as he walked the short distance over to me, his feet tapping against the wood. When he arrived, both of his hands planted on my hips and I was sat up on the counter, his gaze stern as he put me there like a little doll. ‘But I’m the teacher here and it’s time you learned a few lessons of my own. The first one, as you’ve seen, is lust.’ Before I could respond, one of his hands moved to the back of my neck and he slammed his lips forcefully on mine, his tongue pushing forward into my mouth. It was like all my dreams over the past few days had just mounted together, all my hard work to try and avoid him being blown away as quick as a flash, because here he was. Ready and waiting to take me away. I gasped into his mouth and sat, completely frozen on the counter, only reacting when one of his legs nudged mine apart. In that moment, I couldn’t think straight, all I knew was we were alone in the art room, everyone had gone home and I was kissing the man I had dreamed about for the past three nights and couldn’t seem to stop. My fingers tugged at his shirt as he stripped me from mine, throwing the black garment across the room so it dangled off a mannequin.

‘Gerard...’ I groaned, squeaking at a gruff murmur of ‘couch’ that passed from his lips, my skinny form being lifted up and carried across the room. No sooner had I left the ground was I plonked on to the soft cushions, Gerard tearing his shirt off and forcing his lips back on mine again. I didn’t get much look at his body, I was so lost in the heat of the moment and it all came to a sudden realisation what was about to happen very very soon if I didn’t do something about it. His hips were rubbing quickly and tenderly over my erection, and I blushed at how quickly I got so hard for him when he could easily control himself with a semi. The chuckle he gave just topped it off and I shook my head, trying to push back into the cushions and get away. ‘I can’t... Gerard get off...’ I murmured, pushing at his chest with my hands. I think he must have known I would freak out at some point, I mean, the man was far from stupid, and as hard as I tried to get rid of him, I just couldn’t push strong enough because we both knew there was a part of me that wanted to stay.

‘Make me...’ He whispered huskily, kissing over to my ear so he could purr absolute obscenities into the shell. I blushed a deep scarlet as he challenged me again and pushed ever so lightly at his chest, before falling back and submitting completely. ‘Mmm... good, give up...’ He whispered, his breath tickling my skin as he trailed his lips down my neck, undoing my trousers and dragging my jeans down my legs. I shuffled out of them and groaned as my erection finally had more freedom, and tugged at the silver bat buckle he was wearing, desperate for some attention. To him, it was all about teaching me this sin or something I’m sure, but right now I didn’t care. My head was a mess with emotion and the aching need down below, and Gerard was taking such advantage of that. ‘Roll over, on your knees,’ he whispered, teasing and pinching one of my nipples in his hand slowly. I tried to protest one final time but the pinching sensation was so good and I just needed anything right now, so I did as I was told. The sound of his zipper and buckle soothed me a little and I watched as he slung the trousers across the room. I nearly fell over as my boxers were dragged off my legs but soon, his strong arms were around me again, the pair of us sinking down against the couch.

‘Mmmph... Gerard...’ I groaned loudly into the cushions, feeling so guilty. Feeling just horrible that I was here, moaning this man’s name, wanting another guy so badly I didn’t care what happened to me. I felt his bare erection rocking against my entrance and gasped, groaning louder at the fact he hadn’t worn underwear today, finding it... really hot. I blushed softly and bit my lip, trying to keep quiet, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of knowing I was enjoying it, though to be honest I’d made it pretty obvious from the start. I could feel he was leaking a little against me and sighed, feeling a bit better that I wasn’t the only one losing control. I frowned when he leaned back and heard a rattling sound in one of his drawers, the cap of some lubricant being popped open. One of his warm hands rested on my cheek and he tilted my face up, pushing two fingers in my mouth.

‘This is for you,’ he whispered softly, kissing the back of my neck as I sucked and coated his fingers in my spit, my heart hammering. I was a virgin, I’d never even had sex with a girl before and here I am, the good little Catholic boy moaning like a whore on my art teachers sofa and I... I don’t care. I couldn’t care less actually, Gerard was gorgeous and he was about to take me. I sucked harder until he pulled away his fingers, the digits sliding out of my mouth and leaving my lips pouted. No sooner had they left me though, one had slid straight into my soft ass. I gasped at the sensation and arched my back up, Gerard watching with hungry eyes. ‘God... You’re so hot...’ He growled, plunging his finger in deeper to drag more of those trashy, slutty moans out into the room. I soon got used to the feeling of one finger being inside me, and when he felt my muscles relaxing, he inserted another, thrusting and scissoring them inside me to stretch me up for something much bigger. ‘Ohh... Frankie, I wanna hear you, I wanna fucking hear you,’ he moaned, it not taking much for me to do what he said. I nodded and groaned louder, moaning his name like a little bitch, gasping when I heard the man gasp gently and the sound of him lubricating his own erection. I looked round a little and saw him doing so, his hand thrusting hard against his cock over and over, making me whimper with how sexy he looked. His head was tilted back and his lips parted, small beads of sweat emerging on his forehead.

‘Gerard... Please... I’m ready...’ I gasped, blushing deeply and biting my lip as I saw him nod and pull his fingers out of me. His hand tilted my head back round to face the cushions and slowly, I felt the tip of his erection pushing into me. Within seconds, he was all the way in and a loud groan emitted from my lips as I got used to the much larger sensation. I’d never felt anything like it before, I felt so innocent, so naive, but Gerard must have known he was taking me for the first time and it made me feel better that he wanted me all the same. My innocence was blown out like a candle the moment I laid eyes on him and I was stupid for thinking our relationship would never amount to anything. As he started thrusting into me though, I realised trying to think about anything at all was stupid and just submitted to his touch. He was hot and fast, his erection leaking like mine was as he thrummed into me, his lips kissing messily over my back. I could tell he’d done this before straight away, and I couldn’t deny how good it felt. ‘Gerard... Gerard...’ I moaned over and over, his hand gripping at my cock and pumping fast against it to ease the pain. The man knew I was new to this, I felt so embarrassed with how soon I was to just losing control, but Gerard didn’t mind and from what I felt, he was pretty close himself.

‘Frankie... ooh Frank, I wanna feel you... Cum for me, I want you...’ He groaned into my ear, his voiced filled thick with lust and I sighed, nodding. I’d heard from one of the gay guys at college a while ago that there’s a spot inside a man that, if touched, will completely turn him, the feeling’s that good. I didn’t know what he was talking about now though, this should have been enough for anyone. I arched my back in a sleek curve, my cheeks reddened and my lips kiss swollen as I screamed out his name, cumming hard into his hand. Gerard groaned as I just exploded and pounded harder into me, before his lips left my back and he knelt right up. ‘FUCK! FRANKIE!!’ He cried, gritting his teeth as he truly lost control and came deep into my ass. The man rode out his orgasm and groaned loudly with me, the pair of us falling weak as he pulled out of my ass and sunk down on top of me. I closed my eyes and panted, Gerard only taking a moment before he got his breath back and slunk off me. I told you, experienced.

‘Mm?’ I murmured quietly, looking at him with hazy eyes and he sighed, a small smirk on his lips as he leant down to kiss me again.

‘Mmm... There are six more lessons I want to teach you Frank, lock up when you’re done,’ was all he said as he buttoned up his black collar shirt, fixing his tousled sex hair and grabbing his jacket. I was dumb founded, so out of breath and just shocked as he got his things and headed for the door. He took one last look back at me before throwing the key in a pen pot on the desk and walking out, his soft chuckle ringing in my ears as I watched where the device landed. Finally, my ticket out of here was lying right there before me and I looked at it for a long moment. This was my first time, and he’d just left... Well I certainly wasn’t going to, not in a state like this. I closed my eyes and shook my head, sinking down into the heavenly soft couch and breathing in the man’s cologne, the thought of having six more ‘lessons’ with him so much more important than the inevitable guilt waiting for just the right moment to slap me in the face.

A/N: AAAAAH! I really hope you guys enjoy this, hopefully you can see now why it’s NC-17 :) Anyway, not much to say here, just hoping you’ve enjoyed chapter three!
xo Immy.