Once again, another day has come and gone, today was day three. To anyone else no one would be counting down the days or worrying about every second but for me, I am. Today I would be getting a tattoo something I’ve been wanting to do for a while but never had the time to do it or knowing what I really wanted. Like always, I thought I would have a while to get one but seeing, as I don’t I guess today would be a great day to get one. I finally decide what I wanted to get, I wanted the words “ Live Every Second” that saying meant a lot to me and for every time I wanted to give up I could just look at my tattoo to know I should live life to the fullest.
Alex and I were headed to the tattoo shop since we had a day off. There was no other person I would want to come with me and I also think Alex doesn’t wont to leave me side. He hasn’t left my side every since I left the hospital, I think deep down his afraid if he does then something bad might happen. Part of me wants to tell him not to worry that he shouldn’t be living in fear but I know it wouldn’t do any good.
Few minutes later we arrived at the tattoo shop, we walk in to see some people getting tattoos. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared.
“Hey, what can I do for you today, “A young man asks.
“I’m wanting to get a tattoo, “I said while looking at the guy.
“Alright, what do you have in mind, “The guy asks.
I explain to the guy what I wanted it and where I wanted, he said to give him 30 minutes to draw it out. Alex and me went and sat down.
“So are you scared, “Alex asks while looking at me.
“Kind of I won’t lie but I want this, “I replied.
30 minutes later the guy called us back into a room; the guy shaved my arm and got started. It wasn’t as painfully as I thought it would be. An hour later, the guy was done; I look at my tattoo in the mirror and loved it. It was better then how I picture it would be I was beyond happy. After I pay the guy, Alex and I left heading back to the bus.
As we drove back to the bus thoughts were running through my mind, three days have already past. Every second I’m scared to death that any moment I could die, that I may not see the next day or watch the next sunset. That I might not be able to say, I love you to Alex again; I shouldn’t have to worry about things like this. I shouldn’t have to live in fear not knowing when my time maybe up, I should be a normal person who just enjoys life.
This isn’t fair I didn’t sign up for this life I want my life back, I want the life I had before. This can’t be happening to me I’m not ready to die I’m not ready to leave Alex, I’m not ready to take my last breath before I die. I want to live my life without fearing to know I can live each moment without having any fear. I told myself I wouldn’t think about this but how can I not? And all I keep thinking about is, what if I don’t see tomorrow?
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