Frank Iero tries to get over Gerard Way, but the only way to do it is to leave the band. After thinking about all the things he and Gee have been through, he comes to his conclusion. -Chapter 1 of ...
Not long ago, I fell in love, with the most beautiful man in the world. But there are complications. He’s married. I’m married. We both have kids. Although, I love my wife, I love him more. But he broke my heart, I can’t move on.
We’re in the same band and that just makes it harder. If I leave, I’ll disappoint our fans. But if I don’t, I just fall deeper and deeper in love with the only person I want. The only person I need.
Mr Gerard Arthur Way.
This started almost 10 years ago. The second I saw him, I fell in love with him. The way he said ‘heart’ and ‘fuck’ just made me want to hold him and never let go. I’d never wanted anyone like I wanted him. I just… I didn’t know if I could ever not let go.
I joined the band.
We’d been joking around for a while, just kissing on stage, to get the crowd going. Well, I wasn’t joking, I don’t know about Gerard. If you ever went to a My Chemical Romance show, there’d be Frerard, because it was the only way I could do the things I wanted. After the Warped Tour 2005, I got fed up of it just being a stage thing. I wanted to be permanent.
When I told him how I felt, he launched himself at me. His lips were soft and moist, they still tasted like coffee, which wasn’t surprising considering the amount of coffee he’d drank that day. My eyes were still open; I was shocked. My lips didn’t move, until I realised what was happening, I shut them and followed his lead.
After a while, he pulled away.
“Wow.” Was about the only thing I could say. He smiled his quirky smile. I melted again. Would I ever get over him? He was a fantastic kisser, he was gorgeous and he didn’t freak out when I’d told him I liked him.
“I just… I have to go,” He said, and before I could ask him why, he was gone. Why did he have to leave? Was he embarrassed by what he’d done? Rejection settled in and I slumped on the floor and started playing my guitar.
The next day, I was talking to his younger brother, Mikey. He was just as good looking, quiet though, and a little spaced out. (Seriously though, who takes a heater into the shower? Heehee)
“Did you talk to Gerard last night?” He asked me, as if I’d done something wrong and he wanted answers. I looked up at him, opened my mouth and tried to explain. “He seemed really quiet and to himself last night, that’s all.”
“Uhh… I did, but not for long. I don’t think it was anything that could have upset him,” I told Mikey, he seemed a reassured by what I’d said, unfortunately, I was still unhappy with myself. I looked around for the coffee machine (it was still too early for me, at 1 in the afternoon), when a dark figure caught my eye in the door frame. I took a double-take and looked again. The shadow had gone.
“Did you see that?”
“Did I see what?” said a familiar voice, from behind me. I turned around, it was Gerard. He was smiling, the same way he did the previous night.
“There was a shadow in the door frame. I must have been seeing things.” I said, almost panicking. Was it Gee that was stood there or was I really seeing things?
“Oh. Could have just been the light, creating shadows.” He was a genius; I wouldn’t have thought of that. Not in a million years. “Frank?” I looked up at him, slightly worried. Maybe he was going to tell me last night was a mistake and that he regretted it. Or maybe he was going to finally tell me he felt the same way, I felt it when he kissed me. He loved me. I just needed to get it out of him. “Can I talk to you a minute?”
“Yeah,” I snuck a last glimpse at Mikey and smiled, he grinned at me, as if he knew what was going to happen, while I was still kept in the dark, with wool over my eyes; which made everything so much more of a secret.
Gerard took me to the hallway; he seemed shaky, which made me happier. Was that wrong of me? I wished and prayed hard that what he was going to tell me positive.
“We’re just a stage thing. It’s all for show. We’re just friends.” He told me, his tone was angry. I stared at my feet, broken hearted. “Just promise me something, please.”
“What?” I mumbled, still refusing to look at me. I'd faced so much rejection, I didn't need him to reject me either.
“We still stay friends. And we still do this Frerard thing, yeah?”
“I should probably tell you something though,” This made me hopeful. “I love you, Frank Iero, more than I should and more than I’ve ever loved anyone before.” I couldn’t believe it, my prayers and wishes had come true! “But…”
“But what? We love each other. That’s all that matters. Fans will respect that, so you can’t say that we can’t be together because of them. I love you so much, and I have done since the day I met you. We’re forever. We are. You can’t tell me otherwise!” I found myself sliding down the wall, and eventually I’d hit the floor and had my hands over my eyes, almost weeping.
“No. I can’t just be a stage thing. I love you, Gee. Nothing will stop me from doing that.”
“It’s not the fan’s…”
“What is it then?”
“I just don’t want to tie myself down yet. There are so many people and My Chemical Romance is a big thing. The band goes before you, I’m sorry.”
“But I’m IN the band!”
Before another word could be said, he’d disappeared, the same way he had the previous night and I started crying.
Eventually, I got over that conversation and pretended like it never happened. We went on doing Frerard in front of cameras and on stage, but behind the scenes we acted like best friends. There was chemistry, but he didn’t answer it. It was like he didn’t want it. I could tell he did.
Even though he’d said all those things, it wasn’t the end of us. On countless occasions he’d kiss me and mean it, even off stage and camera, when we were alone. And that often led to more. We weren’t just best friends like he wanted, we were a secret love affair, that Gee couldn’t come to terms with. We were made for each other. There’s nothing he could have done to stop that.
From time to time, I felt used.
Back in 2007, we were at Projekt Revolution, Gerard was spending too much time with Lyn-Z. I was getting worried. I didn’t want to lose him, not here, not ever. So when I saw her in the crowd I tried to kiss him, he’d obviously seen her too because he wrestled me to get me off of him. That was when I realised it was time to get over him, like he’d gotten over me.
On the last day of the tour, they got married. I put on a smile because he was happy. But inside I was dying. Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, they say. It hurt though, so I didn’t know which was better, at least if I’d never loved him, I’d never hurt because of him.
We’d been through so much, and I lost him this way. I’d lost him to her.
Two years later, Gee told me they were expecting. My heart shrivelled up; I couldn’t breath. In my eyes he was still my quirky genius I’d fallen in love with, not a father.
I’m still not over him, even though I have a wife and two beautiful children. The only way to get over him would be to leave. The only way to carry on would be to leave. It’s all I can do, for myself, for him and for our families.
And although it was what I needed, I hadn’t thought about the effects it would have on everyone else. I had no idea how it would’ve affect Gerard. But what did I care? He obviously didn’t love me, like he loved me, yesterday.
I wrote a letter to Mikey, Ray, Gee and Mike.
Sorry, I couldn’t think of any other way to do this, without seeing you all cry – I know you will. Don’t deny it.
Jamia rang me up earlier today saying that the twins are driving her nuts. I have to go see her, sort the little rascals out, y’know.
It’s not only that. Things with LeATHERMOUTH have picked up again, and I’m really looking forward to singing. We’re going on tour too, so I won’t be back for a while.
I know I’d lied, but how else could I have broken the news I was leaving.
Goodbye My Chemical Romance. I’m sorry Gee…