...It was him, those eyes bored into my skull, piecing me with his gaze. I was rooted to the spot, the feeling of fear spreading through my entire body leaving me white with shock...or possibly blood loss because it felt like i was staring at myself for hours. His hair was still the same disheveled ash color, his cheek bones still as prominent blending in with those o-so familiar dark circles. He had a smug smirk fixed on his faced but remained silent. What was he waiting for?
After what seemed like a life time of me staring at this perfect illusion of my former self, i broke my gaze as i winced in pain from the earlier fall and the injuries it presented (i didn't have the guts to look back down at them).
''So'' My doppelganger asked, shattering the silence. ''We done with this little staring contest?'' his voice was scratchy and dripping with sarcasm, painfully obvious from the look on his face.
''I-I'' I was at a utter loss for words. I knew i wasn't dreaming. A hallucination possibly, my mind simply playing tricks on me? This was too vivid even for that.
''Cat got ya tongue?'' He chuckled.
I scowled at his remark.
''I dunno, maybe it's because after our last encounter you tried to kill me'' .
''I was only trying to prove a point''
''Which is?'' He glared at me venomously, surprised at my lack of fear.
''You'' He stabbed a slim finger into my chest ''Are not happy''. I must of looked afraid then as he grinned before continuing. ''You try and pretend, but only i can see through the cracks of this mask you have on, protecting your self from disapproving glances. You can't fool me Gerard, you're miserable,depressed, pathetic.''
Our faces were mere inches apart after his little speech on how i was lower than dirt. I had to stay calm, not get sucked into this imposter's mind games.
''And how do you know that'' i was unable to keep my voice from shaking causing him to smile manically.
''Because i am you''
''Your nothing but a nightmare'' I spat, recalling what he last said about my friends and family. That was when i realized it was a bad idea to get this guy angry. Real or not.
''Can a nightmare impact your waking dreams?'' his sullen face grew cold and serious, greatly contrasting from his usual psychotic expression. This shook me to my very core.
''I'm not sure''
''Well then can your dreams hurt you?'' his stare tore into me, making me tremble slightly. His face still hard and emotionless.
Before i even had time to answer, a burning pain shot through me from my mangled torn open leg. I screwed up my eyes whimpering, begging for relief before letting out a ear piercing scream as the agony increased. I opened my eyes to see my double digging his nails into my wound, clawing away at the visible bone. The sight itself was horrific. It felt like there was liquid fire running through my veins.
I don't know how long this torture lasted, but this past Gerard was bent on destroying me, slowly and painfully as i felt his long claws grip my sides where my ribs were and drag them down my battered torso, like chalk on a blackboard but without the lingering sound. Because all i could hear at this point was my own shrieking, pleading for him to stop or for his forgiveness, i wasn't sure. After a while i just started making out incoherent words before my voice went hoarse and i wasn't even sure which part of my bruise and bloodied frame he was inflicting damage on.
I closed my eyes in relief when i felt it all stop and the burning pain was replaced with a comfortable numbness that i couldn't comprehend. The feeling had completely left my body. I tensed up again when I felt his finger glide across my neck, leaving a red mark along my chest and torn up stage clothes.
My double came close to my face once more. I could feel his haggard breathe against my open cuts that were still drenched in fresh blood. He planted kisses all along my jaw line and my exposed shoulder blades. He whispered in my ear in a soft whisper.
''I am more than just a dream honey''
''Why'' i lifted my head and open my eyes, straining to see him in the dim light. My voice was weak and strung out. How long had i been screaming?
''Because Gee, if i destroy everything you are then i can be happy'' He said solemnly
''How would that satisfy you?'' i inhaled fighting the growing pains that threatened to engulf me.
''You mean satisfy 'me', i am you''
''Remember how we were before Gerard, depressed, alone, a downward spiral or drugs, alcohol and suicidal thoughts?''
''So why would i want to go back to all that, like i told you. I'm happy with my wife and family.'' I gritted my teeth, attempting not to loose my patience and give in to the pain fueled anger that bubbled beneath my surface.
'' 'All that' as you call it was the happiest we've ever been.'' He narrowed his eyes at me. ''What you have become, is nothing compared to what you once were.''
''Everyone hated me like that, i was pushing everyone away, the band, my parents, even Mikes'' I reflected, attempting to reason with the ghost of my former self. '' I would have ended up dead.''
''No!'' his eyes grew angry. ''That was everyone else wanted, you to quit. They never took your feelings into account, it was our life not their's'' He stood up his voice growing more hysterical by the minute. ''It was all about the band, not our happiness, Dammit we didn't need them only the pills, The pills that left us feeling numb and hollow. Remember that familiar chemical haze that got us through the day every day all the first shows and everything in between''
I shrunk back to the concrete walls despite the rise in pain through out my body. I didn't want to believe what i was hearing. I was so much happier now...Wasn't i? No Gerard stop thats what he wants you to think. You love your friends, family, this band is your life would you risk loosing all that again.
''We never needed them'' He snarled in a low whisper, as he read my scrambled thoughts. His demeanor changed suddenly, his eyes glistening with tears.
''We never need them'' He continued to whisper to himself, no longer looking at me but eyes fixed to the floor and his head hung low. ''Never'' He slid onto the floor beside me cradling his head in his hands, salty tears now rolling down his cheeks as he began to rock back and forth in a highly unstable manor.
''We Never Needed Them....Ever''
Well...This Is Awkward. Betcha weren't expecting that, or maybe you were. I Swear to God you Lot are Fucking Mind Readers. xxEmii
NOTE: so many fucking spelling mistakes!!!!