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“There’s something very romantic about self-destruction…” – Gerard Way

Chapter Five: Dirty Little Secret.

Mikey would not speak to Gerard the day after. Not like he got much of a chance --- Gerard had shut himself in his room and would did not come out until sound check for that night's show. Ray had asked him if he felt up to it, and Gerard insisted to everyone that he was fine. Frank knew otherwise, but again he kept his silence.

Gerard was the only other person to know that he was far from fine. He still could not quite remember what happened the night before, although he had a vague idea and it made him sick. He was sore all over, and he swore at moments he could feel hands touching him, like it was imprinted in his mind although he wasn’t completely awake for it. He didn’t want to think about it, nor did he ever wish to tell anyone about it. So he did his best to ignore it. But the pain of his injuries remained a constant reminder.

At sound check, he felt as though he could feel Frank watching him. It made him increasingly nervous. He felt like Frank knew something.

Well of course he could see through his act, Gerard figured. He wanted to see if Frank would come ask him if he was okay, but Frank seemed to be keeping a distance. ‘…probably sees you for the dirty whore you’ve become….’ And Gerard was too shy to approach him about it on his own.

So therefore, no communication was achieved.

~

One week later.

They were having lunch behind the clubhouse for the show that night. Gerard was sitting more near the crew than his band mates, Frank noticed. Probably trying to avoid Mikey, who still seemed to be in a huff about last week. And Ray was just being awkward about it.

However they were close enough so that Frank was within earshot of any conversation they were having.

Gerard had gotten up from where he sat to throw away some trash. A stocky man and a stout woman whispered amongst each other bemusedly and seemed to be looking at a certain spot. The stocky man looked from where Gerard was sitting to Gerard himself repeatedly before commenting, “Dude… are you bleeding?”

That definitely caught Frank’s attention. He looked at Gerard who looked uncomfortable. The stout woman pointed at Gerard’s pants. There was a darkish stain seeping through his jeans that clearly resembled blood.

“Oh my gosh, yes he is! Look! He’s bleeding from the crotch!” she laughed “Gerard’s on his period!”, she proclaimed loudly, so that anyone nearby heard it. They all chuckled at the joke, except for Mikey, Frank, and Ray of course. Frank frowned. Gerard looked humiliated.

“Need a tampon?” another man asked snidely, gaining laughs from the men around him.
Gerard was just standing there awkwardly, red as a beet. He didn’t seem to know what to do. At that last snipe, Frank thought he saw tears brimming the boy’s eyes. Disgusted at these people, Frank got up and went to Gerard, shooting them dirty looks along the way.

“C’mon Gee.” Frank said gently as he grabbed Gerard’s shoulder and led him away from the taunting crowd. As he passed by the guys, he saw Mikey seem as though he was going to get up and follow them, but Frank shook his head. They didn’t need Gerard to feel any more awkward than he already did.

He led him to the empty dressing room, bringing him into the darkest corner of it. He motioned for Gerard to sit on the mini couch that was there. Gerard did so, and Frank took a seat next to him.

“You wanna tell me whats going on Gee?” Frank finally asked Gerard.

Gerard looked as though he gave it some thought before shaking his head and saying, “Nothing.”

“Then why, pray tell, are you bleeding between the legs?” Frank pushed forward.

“I…I got a cut.” Gerard said, looking at everything else in the room except Frank.

“On what? How do you cut yourself down there?”

Gerard didn’t answer. If he was hiding something, he was doing it extremely poorly. Or did he perhaps want someone to find out? Frank touched Gerard’s knee and Gerard flinched as though he had been shocked.

“Let me see it then.” Frank suggested.

Gerard looked at him wide eyed before shaking his head no once more.

“Gerard…” Frank huffed impatiently, “How am I supposed to help you?”

“Simple. You can’t.” was Gerard’s answer before getting up and walking away quickly.

~

After the show, Gerard shut himself in his hotel room. Mikey got his own room this time, which was highly unusual, although he understood why. They thought he had done drugs again. It was partly true, but he was far from admitting he had been victim to what was obviously the date rape drug.

He got out his first aid kit and removed his pants. He went to the bed and sat, spreading his pale legs. He stared at the cause of his embarrassing mishap from earlier. There was a large gash on each of his legs, both very close to his genitals. He had woken up with them after that one night with Paul and his friends. Left unattended, they bled profusely. So Gerard had been doing a daily job of sewing them shut himself. Although clearly, he had been doing so poorly.

He sighed and removed the broken string from earlier, covering his fingers with his own blood. He then whipped out a new set of string and needle and got to work. He would penetrate his skin with the needle multiple times, which he hated. He hated needles. Yet to avoid any accidents, Gerard was pretty much forced to watch as the needle weaved in and out of his flesh. The pain itself was even less than the sickening feeling he got doing so.

When he was finished, he stared at his blood covered hands. A feeling of arousal came over him. He knew he could go downstairs and find someone to fuck his brains out.

‘…who’ll want to fuck you with those things on your legs?...’ he reminded himself.

Sighing, he put the kit away but did not put his pants back on. He sat in his bed for the next hour masturbating. He thought to wash his hands of his blood, but he figured they somehow looked better that way.

~

Next chapter: Frank continues to try to get the truth out of Gerard.