I went to visit him too. I had to walk through practically the whole hospital to find his room because I didn't know where the five hundred's were, which took me half an hour, but when I found his room it took me a little courage to actually open the door. When I had opened the door however, my heart stopped and my blood ran cold and I wished I hadn't opened it. Gerard was lying in the hospital bed, his wrists wrapped tightly in bandages and needles sticking out of his skin which were doing a great job in pumping blood in and out of him. I almost cried, but instead I sat down on the chair because well... he was asleep. Or at least that was what I had first thought because when I had settled in the chair he made a weird noise and turned his head to me. I didn't even get to greet him because almost as if he could read my mind, he told me that he didn't want to tell me why he did it and he would tell me in time if time itself didn't kill him, so I left it.
So instead of bothering him with questions on why and such, I entertained him with talks about everything and anything before running out of things to talk about, so I started drawing in my school book from my bag and showing him the deformities that was meant to be him. I didn't mind him laughing at my failed attempts at drawing because I know I can't draw, I laughed with him and it felt good. I honestly felt great about it all, well... all except the fact that he was in the hospital in the first place. So we drew and laughed and talked until visiting times were over, which meant I had to go.
When I went to leave, he called me back and beckoned me over to the bed. I panicked at first, then awkwardly went over. He hugged me tightly and muttered a small apology for 'everything' and then kissed me gently on the cheek. Gerard Way, asshole and life torturer kissed me. I couldn't even believe it myself! So when I left, I took one last look at his sad smile and came here, home, to write in you.
Oh! Also, I got a letter today. No, not one telling me to die or saying something about my family, mum sent me a letter from the rehab institution. She said everything is going good and that she hasn't drank in over a week now which is absolutely great!
But back to Gerard's case again, I'm going to help him. I'm going to make sure he knows that he is worthy of this Earth and that he has to stay. Not just for Mikey but for me as well.
Frank, 12 December.
I visited Gerard again today, instead of going to school and I had a very interesting conversation with his nurse...
She told me that he was excited to see me, that he didn't sleep last night and that I'm all he has talked about since the visit yesterday. She said that he hadn't stopped smiling and that if I asked her a question about myself, she would most probably know the answer to it, that's apparently how much he had talked about me to her.
So after that slightly awkward conversation, I went to his hospital room where he was sitting upright in the bed looking down at his hands with a smile as he picked at his bandages. He still looked happy which is great! I want him to be happy, I want him to see that he has to stay.
We sat there again talking about loads of things from Marvel heroes to Dark horse, who could beat who and if we were a superhero who would we be. He chose batman which I thought suited him well with his dark abilities...
Then I plucked up as much courage as I had and asked him about the pictures and notes I had been receiving and that if it was him, he didn't have to be embarrassed because I liked them and thought they were cool. It took him a few moments to admit it was him, but when he did, he carried on with 'I think I should tell you why I did this"
He told me he wanted to die and that he didn't deserve to have me visit him, that he thought Mikey would be better off with out an asshole brother and that he couldn't stand what he did. He said he couldn't stand what he did to me, everything and he felt terrible. He said "Apologies mean nothing right now, nothing I do could make it up to you but I am sorry, for everything I've said and let them do" I forgive him. I don't care how other people see it, I have forgiven him already. My respect for Gerard has gone up so much right now. Mikey is still worried but really pissed off his brother decided to try and off himself instead of talking to him about it all, but he'll forgive Gerard too. Gerard is just one of those people that are misunderstood and went with the wrong crowd. I'll help him though, I'll help him find himself, then maybe we can have a proper friendship.
When I left today, instead of him calling me back this time, I went to him straight away, wrapped my arms around him and whispered "You're too good for death, we need you here. Please don't do this again" smiled at him and kissed his lips quickly. I left in record breaking time after that too, afraid in case he flipped out, but I don't care. He is amazing to me, even if he doesn't know it, and I can't stand to see him waste himself away over me.
Frank, 13 December.
Note: I'm going to do as much as I can to help Gerard, whether he wants me to or not. I'm going to attempt to see him tomorrow too. Wish me luck.