Flexible mascara wands, guitar head banging, and herds of bloodthirsty meese....please R&R!
After a dangerously narrow escape of being cornered in the hall by a more than slightly pissed off daughter of Satan brandishing a flexible mascara wand and looking ready to brutally maim, I set off down the swelteringly sunny, blue-skied street to meet the fountain of wisdom, guitar knowledge, and fro love that is my best friend Ray.
The street is even more blisteringly hot than it was yesterday; blindingly bright sunshine is reflected off the shiny windscreens of the parked cars that line the parched street. The sun is high in the clear, cloudlessly blue July sky, its scorching rays beating down on the cracked, chewing gum specked pavement and burning into my back as I stroll along the meandering road, towards the heat haze that's shimmering on the horizon.
Unfortunately, in my haste to leave the house and avoid getting abused by a flexible mascara wand and violently murdered by Lady Macbeth the second, I've forgotten my beloved ipod...which means, for the five minutes it'll take me to walk to the park, I'll be left with nothing but my own thoughts.
Oh my god...I'm gunna die.
My brain, being the lovely organ it is, has decided to torture me with the most embarrassing memories of last night and inappropriate thoughts of Jamie's boyfriend/the most gorgeous human being in existence/the victim of my clumsiness and lack of co-ordination.
Or in other words, Frank Iero.
And it's really not a good idea to be thinking about him this much cause
a) I will become even more pathetically obsessed with him.
b) he's so unbelievably out of my league, we might as well live in seperate universes.
c) it is extremely bad idea to become obsessed with someone I can't have- especially when they’re going out with someone who’ll slaughter me if they find out I like him.
b) it seems pretty likely I’ll see him again, and thinking about him like this will just make it even more embarrassing.
Oh my god, what if I see him today? It's gunna be hard enough facing him ever again, let alone less than 24 hours after making so much of an idiot of myself I just wanted to die there and then, in what ever way was quickest. But there seems to be some kinda cruel, fucked up fate bringing us together...
Please, please, please let this just be my fucked up little brain cells being overly paranoid, rather than it's not just my dreamcatcher plotting against me, but the whole universe...
I'm extremely grateful when I round the corner, panting in the blistering heat, and the park slides into view, grassy and green and shady, distracting me from my thoughts of derangement.
It's surprisingly quiet for such a sunny summers day; just a few kids messing about on the swings and licking ice creams from the van at the gate, and a few sickeningly loved up couples lounging on the shady grass.
It's so weird to think that Frank and Jamie are a couple like that too...they could be lying together on the cool grass or walking hand in hand in the forest at the edge of town, or kissing in the pink sunset.
I have a sudden urge to set a pack of bloodthirsty meese on Jamie and exterminate her from existence.
I suddenly spot Ray sitting under one of the old oak trees in the balmy shade, wearing an old Iron Maiden tee and plucking away softly at his acoustic guitar. I hurry across the grass and flop down beside him in the dappled shade, panting heavily.
“Hey there, Geefreak,” Ray greets me, putting his guitar down. “What took you so long?”
“Jamie wasn’t a happy bunny…she didn’t appreciate me calling her a fake, plastic bitch with not even enough personality to fill a teaspoon.” I reply, still panting and sweating in the heat.
“She obviously doesn’t take well to the truth.” Ray concludes, taking a sip from his bottle of volvic water, then offering it to me.
“Thanks.” I say gratefully, taking a long gulp of the icy cold drink, feeling it trickling down my dry throat. “But hey, it can’t be easy for her, being the spawn of Satan after all- imagine having a fire-breathing, sadistic moron like him as a father.”
“True.” Ray agrees. “But what were you wanting to tell me that’s apparently worse than the time you got pissed at last years Christmas disco and accidentally snogged the captain of the football team? Jeez Gee, it really must be bad!”
“It really is.” I sigh, screwing the lid of the water bottle back on. “Promise not to laugh, okay? The powers of the universe seem once again determined to punish me.”
“Cross my hear and hope to die.” Ray says solemnly.
“Okay…you know the guy from the music shop yesterday?” I start.
Ray immediately starts cackling manically like a psychotic hyena.
I scowl furiously at him. “Ray!”
“Sorry, sorry,” He stifles his laughter and forces his features into a neutral expression, which would be reassuring apart from the fact they keep twitching. “Yeah, the guy you almost killed with plectrums and went hopelessly gooey-eyed over?”
“I didn’t almost kill him, puff head!” I say indignantly.
“Puff head?!” Ray exclaims.
“Yeah, y’know, your hair? Hence the ‘puff’ bit?”
“My hair isn’t puffy!”
“Yeah, and I’m not pale.” I roll my eyes.
“You’re freakishly pale!”
“That’s my point, puff head!”
“Look, just stop callin’ me puff head!” Ray snaps crossly. “Or I won’t help you.”
“Who said I needed help?”
“The medics in the white coats.”
“Oh fuck you, Toro.” I growl, turning round sulkily.
I know Ray wants me to tell him just as much as I want him to help me, and sure enough, after a couple of minutes-
I remain sulkily turned round.
“Gee, please tell me.”
I don’t move.
“I’ll buy you an ice cream?” Ray offers.
I turn round. “Fine.”
“So are you gunna tell me this dreadful thing, then?” Ray asks, taking a sip of water.
I take a deep breath. “Well, the guy from the music shop is…he’s…Jamie’s dating him.”
Ray chokes on the water and splutters all over the grass in front of us. “He’s dating the only female descendant of Hitler?!” he exclaims in horror.
“Yep.” I sigh.
“How do you know?” Ray gapes.
“He…he was round at mine yesterday.” I say.
“Oh.” Ray says. “Oh dear.”
“It was so embarrassing! And Jamie thinks I like him, especially after Mikey made some stupid comment about me sucking him off this morning at breakfast.” I groan.
“Did you?” Ray asks cautiously.
“No!” I splutter, “I can’t even imagine- ohh…” I trail off into a very pleasant daydream that would certainly make Jamie want to rip my head off.
“GEE!” Ray snaps his hands in front of my face. “Stop it! I don’t want you fantasising about sucking someone off right in front of me!”
“I wasn’t!” I protest feebly.
“You so were, moron! Your eyes went all gooey.” Ray rolls his eyes at me. “Anyway, did you talk to him when he was there?”
“Oh god Ray, it was so-”
“Wait,” Ray cuts me off suddenly. “Did he have a Black Flag tee?”
“Red and black hair with a weird Mohawk type thing?”
“And he’s about the size of a stunted leprechaun?”
“Umm, Gee?” Ray says carefully. “Uh, he’s right over there…”
“WHAT?!” I whirl round, and to my utter horror, see the guy himself strolling across the lawn towards us, headphones in, sunnies on.
“Oh motherfucking….shit…” I say faintly.
“Well, this is gunna be interesting.” Ray grins.
“Oh god, I’m gunna die!” I groan. “Quick, I’m gunna hide behind the tree!” I leap up and go behind the tree trunk, willing Frank to go the other way, but of course he doesn’t.
“Hey,” I hear him say to Ray. “you’re Gerard’s friend, right?”
“Unfortunately.” Ray replies sardonically.
“Then would you be able to tell me why he’s hiding behind the tree?”
I whack my head hard against the trunk, wishing that by doing so, I will somehow manage to knock some sense into my moronic excuse for a brain. Or suddenly learn how to apparate.
“He must have forgotten his medication today.” Ray says brightly.
I hear Frank chuckle, then suddenly, his head pokes round the tree trunk.
“Hi.” He grins his oh-so-devastating grin, and I suddenly have to grab the tree to stay upright as my knees go all weird and metlty.
“..Unughieef…” I mumble.
Frank looks amused. “Sorry?”
“…Uffifnimbleooff…” I burble dazedly.
Frank grins. “What kind of medication is it you’re on?”
“Umm…I don’t… innughhff..have to take medication..” I stumble over the words, feeling like an utter idiot that’s suddenly completely fluent in the language of moron, but has lost the ability to speak plain English.
“I know, I was just teasing you.” Frank winks at me.
Ray now sounds like a drunk Justin Beiber humping a hysterical chipmunk.
“Any particular reason as to why you’re hiding?” Frank smirks at me.
I have to tighten my grip on the tree trunk. “Ummf…no..”
“You’ve got a leaf…” Frank leans over and gently plucks a leaf out of my dishevelled hair. I can smell mangoes and tobacco and sunshine again, tickling my nose and making me dizzy as my frantic heart pounds erratically.
“T-Thanks..” I mumble, blushing furiously.
“Hey, Frank, wanna join us?” Ray asks.
He too will be assassinated by my herd of bloodthirsty meese.
“Sure.” Frank grins, sitting down. “As long as Gerard doesn’t mind.” He winks at me again.
“Um, no that’s fine..” I stutter.
“Great.” Frank beams, sitting down beside Ray, as I follow suit. And no, I don’t sit as close to him as I can without looking like a creep- it’s just a nice patch of grass that happens to be right next to him.
“So, who plays the guitar?” Frank asks, gesturing to Ray’s acoustic.
“Oh, mainly me.” Ray replies, picking it up, “Though I’ve taught Gerard here a little.”
This is news to me- all I know how to play on the guitar is happy birthday and Dig Up Her Bones by The Misfits.
“Oh awesome!” Frank smiles. “I play too.”
“Cool,man…can I hear?” Ray asks.
“Sure, but only if you play something first.” Frank grins.
“Okay then.” Ray starts strumming expertly at the guitar. I’ve heard him play hundreds of times, but he never ceases to amaze me with his skills. This one is one of his more recent ones; I’ve even written some lyrics to go with it.
“Wow, that was amazing dude!” Frank exclaims as Ray comes to the end of the piece. “You’re really talented!”
“Thanks.” Ray grins. “It was called Our Lady Of Sorrows- I wrote the music and Gerard wrote some lyrics to go with it. He’s seriously epic at lyric writing.”
“Really?” Frank’s looking at me with interest. “That’s awesome…would you ever let me hear some?”
“Um…I don’t really show them to anyone…apart from Ray…” I mumble, blushing under his gaze and fiddling with a stem of grass.
“Oh okay.” Frank sounds slightly disappointed.
“…B-but maybe I’ll show you them sometime..” I blurt, earning a pleased grin from Frank which melts my knees, even though I’m sitting down.
“Great.” He beams.
“Lets hear you play, then.” Ray says, handing Frank the guitar.
Frank brushes his hair out of his eyes, plucks experimentally at it for a second, then starts strumming away. I practically feel my jaw drop; he’s amazing- definitely as good as Ray, which is seriously saying something. The piece he’s playing is raw and full of emotion, beauty in the pain, sensitivity in the anger…it’s so captivating, so enthralling that for a moment, I forget how much of an idiot I’ve just made myself, forget that my evil stepsister is dating the guy of my dreams, forget the shining sun and the blue sky, the green grass and the dappled shade…it’s just the music.
Then it all stops and I’m back in the real world of imperfection and hurt, back in the world of sunshine and summer and friends, the beautiful music like a far away ghost of a dream
I look round and see that Ray’s mouth is hanging open too.
“What do you think?” Frank asks tentatively after a few moments of stunned silence; he sounds slightly uncertain for the first time.
“That…that was amazing, dude!” Ray exclaims incredulously. “Just..wow! did you write that yourself?”
“Thanks.” Frank grins, putting the guitar down at his feet. “And yeah, I did- it’s called Early Sunsets Over Monroeville. What did you think, Gerard?” he’s looking expectantly at me, wide, jade greens eyes boring into mine, flecked with russet and rimmed with smoky red liner that highlights the startling colours that swirl into a rainbow of greens and browns in the iris.
Ray suddenly nudges me sharply in the shoulder and I realise that I haven’t answered his question, and have also been gazing pathetically at him like the soppy, pathetic, love-sick teenager I am.
“That was so beautiful…fuck, you’re amazing!” I blurt out. “I mean, at guitar- I didn’t mean- what I meant to say- fuck, you know what I meant-”
“Gerard, chill out,” Frank chuckles warmly, shaking his head at me. “I know what you meant! Thanks, glad you liked it…any ideas for lyrics?”
He’s asking ME?! Asking me, the moronic, co-ordinationally challenged, homosexual, uncool teenager to think up lyrics for a piece that amazing?! Is he fucking insane or something?!
Oh yeah, he must be- he’s going out with Jamie.
“Umm…I could try…” I mumble.
“Great…I bet you write well.” Frank smiles, running a hand through his two-toned hair. “Can I hear you play now?”
“I don’t know…”
“Please?” Frank smiles his fatal smile, eyes twinkling, and my knees, brain cells and hormones turn to gooey, melty mush.
“…Uughee…sure…” I breathe, reaching for the guitar, and somehow, god knows how (actually, it seems more like the work of Satan. Dickhead.), he manage to bash the top of his head with it.
I bash his head with the guitar.
I bash FRANK IERO’S head with a motherfucking guitar.
Oh my fucking GOD.
I KNEW the motherfucking universe was plotting against me!!
Ray looks like he’s gunna explode from trying not t laugh.
“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Oh jeez, I didn’t mean- oh god, so sorry, I just-” I stammer in utter horror. “Are you okay?!”
“Yeah, I’m fine- don’t worry about it.” Frank smiles, rubbing the top of his head.
“Oh god, I’m so fucking sorry!” I groan in utter humiliation. How much more embarrassment can I endure?! Why can’t Ray’s ‘fro just absorb me or something?! Right now would be a really fucking great time!
“Gerard!” Frank’s laughing now, shaking his head. “Don’t stress- honestly, I’m fine! Look, let me go and buy us all some ice creams- I’ll be back in a sec.”
He gets up off the grass and strolls casually towards the ice cream van.
Despite the fact I’ve just nearly knocked him out with a guitar, and am so embarrassed I wish Ray’s ‘fro would just swallow me up, I can’t help but stare at his bum as he walks…I mean, c’mon, if you’re wearing jeans that tight, and have a bum like that, you really can’t expect people not to stare…
“Will you STOP drooling over the guy, Gee?! It’s pathetic!” Ray pokes me in the stomach, jolting me back into reality.
I groan. “Oh god, I hit him with the guitar, Ray!”
“I know, I saw.”
“How much more embarrassing stuff can happen to me?!” I wail. “I’m gunna die old and alone by accidentally getting trampled by my own herd of bloodthirsty meese!”
“Knowing you, that could probably actually happen.” Ray says helpfully. “That guy’s gunna get seriously injured if you hang out with him too much.”
“I’m leaving.” I say, getting to my feet.
“What do you mean, leaving?”
“Buzzing off, going home, leaving, dissaparating!” I say impatiently. “What do you think I fucking meant?! I’m not gunna embarrass myself further in front of him!”
“Just tell him I felt ill or something!” I say quickly, then I dash off across the park before Ray can stop me, tripping over my own shoelaces just in front of the queue for the ice cream truck that Frank’s standing in and doing a magnificent faceplant on the grass.
Smooth one, moron.
I literally want the ice cream van to drive forward and squish me, but the guy looks kinda busy with ice cream sundaes and customers, so I guess that’s not really an option. He might get charged for murder too, I guess.
Frank is starting to hurry over, looking concerned, so I stumble up and make a run for it, vaulting the fence and sprinting down the street, ignoring Frank’s calling and the sound of Ray’s maniacal hyena laughter in the distance, not stopping until I’m safely back home with the door locked behind me, panting and gasping for breath as I stagger into the kitchen to gulp down several litres of water, and possibly consider the possibility of drowning myself in the sink. Or finding a sharp, kitchen implement to remove my head.
And then I see the note taped to the fridge.
Oh my motherfuckingstinkingmeesepooshit….
What do you think? cliffhanger! xD Please R&R to let me know, and like I said, if I get enough, I’ll try my best to update when I’m away :) I hope it wasn’t too shitty…like I said, it was really rushed :/ please tell me if it was okay…I’m kinda worried it’s not…anyways, thanks for reading…Love you all! :)