They had come home with three awards. People had been congratulating them all night. They should have been on top of the world. Yet Frank could not have felt any angrier, any more frustrated. He tried to keep his silence in the face of the public. Still the images of Gerard being all over Bert and vice versa kept flickering through his mind like an old horror film. In addition, the news that apparently this had been going on for a while was plaguing him. Gerard used to tell him everything. Why had this piece of information been withheld? Gerard had been taking everyone else as a lover -- was he replacing Frank as his best friend too? The thought caused his heart to sink.
Around 3:45 AM that night, as he sat in his hotel room, Frank decided he couldn't take it anymore.
He made haste, walking to Gerard's door quickly. He banged hard on the door, rapidly, so Gerard could not ignore the sound. He had to be here. He had seen Gerard go in and he had not left since. Frank would know --- he had been listening.
Sure enough, the door cracked open a minute later. Frank saw Gerard's ever familiar right eye peering in through the opening.
"Gerard, I need to talk to you." Frank said trying to sound stern.
To his surprise, Gerard opened the door without protest. He stood aside quietly, letting Frank in. He somehow already looked subdued.
Frank walked over and sat down on the bed, burying his face in his hands. He heard the sound of Gerard closing the door behind them.
There they were, alone for the first time in what felt like ages... and it wasn't until now that Frank realized he did not know quite what to say to Gerard. Despite the thousands upon thousands of thoughts that ran through his mind the past couple of days, he could not think of a single thing he could say that made any sense.
"Coffee?" Gerard offered, interrupting Frank's blank frustration. Frank looked up as though he suddenly realized Gerard was even there at all. He had not gotten a chance to take in the boy's appearance lately, and he was surprised to see how gaunt Gerard looked. Almost ill.
"No... no thanks." Frank shook his head.
Gerard continued to sip at his own mug and sat down next to Frank.
"So... what did you want to talk about?" Gerard asked.
What was he going to say? I hate that you're hanging out with Bert again? I hate that your sleeping with all these people? Frank was not Gerard's boyfriend, and was not in a position to determine these things.
"I'm really..." Frank struggled. "...I'm really worried about you."
Well, at least he was honest so far.
"There's no need to be, Frank." Gerard shifted uncomfortably. He spoke in a hushed voice, and Frank could hear the glimmer of uncertainty in his tone.
"So walking in on you being beaten by some random asshole isn't a reason to worry?" Frank nearly laughed. "Finding out you did cocaine wasn't a reason to worry?" The volume of Frank's voice had begun to rise. Gerard only hung his head, allowing Frank to rant on. "God damn Gerard, you haven't filled me in on a single thing that's happened for fucking weeks! After Lindsey left, you just totally disappeared on us, only to see you now and then in these dangerous situations! God dammit Gerard, what is it going to take to get you to talk to me?!?"
"Frank, I ---" Gerard tried to pipe in, but his attempt was demolished. Frank had finally found all the words he had wanted to say, and they were spewing out of him like machine gun fire.
"I just don't fucking understand!" Frank continued on "I know the divorce hurt, I know you were going through a tough time --- but instead of allowing those who YOU KNOW love you help you get you back on your feet, you run to these fucking scumbags? You run to people like fucking Bert?"
"HEY!" Gerard snapped "Bert has been nothing but good to me, don't you dare fucking talk about him like that!"
Frank was furious. He was defending fucking Bert?!? Seriously?
"Good to you? Bert's been good to you? Really?!?" Frank rolled his eyes in disbelief.
"HE'S BEEN BETTER TO ME THAN YOU HAVE!" Gerard shrieked at him, now appearing just as angry as Frank.
"OH HAS HE? FINE!" Frank screamed back "I'LL TREAT YOU LIKE BERT EVENTUALLY WILL!"
Suddenly, Frank pounced onto Gerard, pinning him down on the bed. He grabbed Gerard's wrists, forcing him in place. He clashed his mouth against Gerard's, his tongue barging its way through Gerard's teeth. Gerard couldn't seem to decide if he wanted to struggle or submit. There were moments where he would fight, and others where he would be still, yet he always remained tense.
Frank pressed the weight of his upper body against Gerard. He moved his hands over to the rim of Gerard's pants, which he undid quickly. Gerard squirmed, but Frank just pinned him down harder as he attempted to remove Gee's pants.
"IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT? HUH?" Frank yelled at him as he pushed the pants down further. He didn't even wait until they were completely down before he roughly grabbed at Gerard's junk. He cupped it, pressing on it. Gerard let out a cry of alarm. "IS THIS WHAT IT'LL TAKE YOU TO GET YOU TO TALK TO ME?!?"
"Frankie...stop it..." Gerard squeaked underneath him, but Frank barely heard him.
He used his other hand to yank on Gerard's hair painfully, forcing his head up. "YOU WANT ME TO TREAT YOU LIKE SOME WORTHLESS FUCKING WHORE?!?" he bellowed before he proceeded to suck on Gerard's neck while he rummaged his hand around Gerard's genitals, not bothering to be gentle. Gerard tried to wriggle away from him again, and Frank delivered him a heavy blow to the side. Gerard cried out from the pain.
It wasn't for a while that Frank could hear anything but his own ragged breathing, feel anything but his hunger for Gerard's body. For this moment Frank could think of nothing more than his own lust and determination. Feeling Gerard's skin beneath him as he stripped him. Played with him. Explored him. He had been waiting for this for so god damn long. He had fought to control the beast inside him that wanted Gerard, wanted to rip him apart. But not tonight. No. He was going to have him. Take him. Ravage him.
That is the only way to communicate with a whore, after all.
And then, for the first time since he had taken his prey, Frank looked upon the face of his whore. Except suddenly, there was no whore underneath him at all. What he saw was the now tear streaked face of his best friend. The person he had loved and helped care for for so many years. And he was looking up at Frank, confused and terrified. Terrified of Frank. It was only then that Frank felt Gerard trembling beneath him, rigid and scared.
It was then that even Frank felt afraid of Frank.
What the hell was he doing?
Sure, he had wanted Gerard, but never like this. Never unless he was sure Gerard wanted it as well. Frank was violently struck with a feeling of extreme shame the minute he had ceased. Did he just nearly rape his best friend?
Shocked by the realization, he got off of Gerard quietly. Gerard watched him, looking unsure of what he was going to do next.
"G -- Gerard... I'm so sorry.... I...." Frank didn't even know where to begin. Instead of gaining enough of Gerard's trust to get him to open up, from the scared look on his face, Frank could tell that he just lost all of it.
Gerard sat up slowly. Frank tried helping Gerard pull his pants back up. Yet when he reached over to do it, Gerard seemed to finally have found his voice.
"No...NO!" Gerard shook his head, crying even harder now. "I won't go through this again!" he said through his sobs. "Get out! Get out and stay away from me!"
Frank was unsure as to what to do at this point. He wanted to comfort Gerard and quell his crying, but how can he do that when he was the source of his tears?
"Gerard, please..." Frank pleaded. "I was only trying to... wait."
He looked at Gerard with wide eyes.
"...what do you mean again?"
Next chapter: Gerard doesn't know who to believe anymore.