Brendon didn’t know where he was. This face didn’t really concern him. He wasn’t capable of feeling anything other than the swirling voic of depression and pure, unadulterated self-loathing. He had left the bus hours ago, running thorugh city streets and allies until he’d reached the outskirts of whatever city they were currently visiting. He’d flung himself into the grass, screaming in agony as he felt his heart ripping itsel fin two. And now it was getting late and he hadn’t the faintest clue as to find his way back home. He would normally be concerned about getting himself into a hostage situation, or sold into sex trafficking, or something of that sort, but he couldn’t muster the strength to care. If they wanted him that badly, they could have him. He wouldn’t fight. As darkness fell, he pushed himself off the ground, swaying slightly as he waited for the blood to stop rushing to his head. He started off in the direction he thought he had come from. After walking for a while, he stumbled across a brightly colored bar. The moment he laid his eyes on this gleaming neon sighs, his quest to find his way home was forgotten.
He walked in, ignoring the stares that followed him and ordered a vodka. He swallowed it down quickly, wincing at the burn. He ordered another. And another. He started to feel a bit tipsy. He took a moment to look around the bar. None of the men were particularly attractive. That’s because none of them are Ryan, a nasty little voice whispered to him. Brendon stifled a sob and took another shot. By the time he was on his sixth shot, he was sufficiently drunk and had forgotten all about his fight and his break up with Ryan. After having one more shot, and kissing a blurry faced man, Brendon waved cheerily to the bar’s patrons and stumbled off, the darkness quickly swallowing him up.
By some miracle, he got back to the bus without incident. He stumbled up the steps and flung open the door, giving the empty living room his most dazzling smile. “Honey! I’m home!” he giggled. He slammed the door shut and then jumped at the loud noise it produced. “Shhhhh…” he told the door, putting a finger to his lips. He wove his away across the living area and into Ryan’s room. He was Ryan’s sleeping form and grinned, entering the room. He tripped over his own feet after taking a few steps and fell on top of Ryan rather ungracefully. Ryan awoke with a start, a loud squeak coming from his mouth. Brendon giggled and Ryan’s eyes flew to him. Hot tears welled up behind his eyes.
“What do you want?” he hissed, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. Brendon looked at him, a comically disheveled expression on his face. “What are you talking about, babe?” he asked. Ryan glared at him. “Oh, I don’t know, Brendon. You’re the one who told me you didn’t love me anymore and then proceeded to dump me on my ass,” he growled. Brendon gasped, his mouth gaping like a fish. “What?” he asked, disbelieving. “Ryan, no. I would never… no. Just no. I love you, Ryan Ross. I would never, ever tell you otherwise. I love you, Ryan. I love you.” He pulled himself closer to Ryan, who quickly recoiled as the heavy smell of Vodka hit his nostrils. “God, Brendon. Have you been drinking?” Brendon pouted his lips and nodded sadly. Ryan sighed. “Why?” Brendon shrugged, the puppy dog eyes still present on his face.
Ryan thought for a moment and then set his jaw firmly. “Brendon. Get out of my room.” Brendon looked up at him with a mix of hurt, shock and disbelief. “But, Ry..” he said. Ryan sighed and looked down at him. “Yes, Brendon?” Brendon sat up, looking relatively sober as he gazed into Ryan’s eyes. “I love you. Do you hear me, Ryan? I love you. I don’t remember telling you otherwise. But if I did, I promise I didn’t mean it. I love you, Ryan Ross. I love you. More than anything. More than my own life. I love you. I love you.” He scooted himself closer to Ryan and very gently wrapped his arms around him. Ryan tensed for a moment, and then wrapped his arms around Brendon, melting into his embrace. He could never stay mad at Brendon. No matter what he said or did. He just couldn’t. Brendon turned his head and kissed Ryan’s cheek very softly. “You’re my Mona Lisa, Ry,” he said, a smile on his lips. Ryan smiled back, pulling himself closer to Brendon and nuzzling his nose into Brendon’s collar bone. “Only for you, Brendon. Only for you,” he murmured back. Ryan pulled his head back up, looking up at the drunk man. “Brendon?”
“Hmmm?” He asked, his eyelids starting to droop shut. He felt Ryan pull him down gently into the soft mattress and snuggle into him. Brendon wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight, their limbs tangling together as they each tried to get as close as physically possible to the other. “Brendon. I want to give you a second chance,” Ryan said hesitantly. Brendon opened his eyes, brows furrowing together and then his eyes opening wide in realization. “Oh. Oh!” He said, pulling Ryan even closer, holding him tightly. He felt his eyes filling up with tears and he choked back a sob. “Thank you, Ryan. Thank you. I won’t let you down, Ryan, honey. I promise. I won’t,” he whispered fiercely, his throat tight with tears. Ryan smiled softly, petting his hair. “I know, Brenny. Let it out. Let it all out. Don’t let it eat you away. Just let it out.” He pressed a soft kiss to Brendon’s forehead. “Let it out.” Brendon’s breathing hitched a few more times and then grew consistent, slow and deep. Ryan’s mouth twitched up a little. He pressed his lips to Brendon’s forehead. “Please. Please,” he whispered. And then he closed his eyes and allowed himself to drift into sleep, still tangled up in Brendon.