Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > The Ryden Conspiracy

Bittersweet

by reinventlove152 3 Reviews

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: G - Genres: Angst,Drama,Romance - Characters:  - Published: 2011/07/19 - Updated: 2011/07/19 - 1208 words

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A/N: So I've decided that this is going to be in two parts: The first will be pre-breakup and each chapter will be related to a song off of Vices, since part of my theory is that Bren wrote the album for Ryan :). The Chapter title will either be a song title or a lyric from Vices, so you know which one I'm talking about. Part 2 will be post breakup.... and you'll just have to wait and see where I take it from there. Hope you like this one. R&R, loves.


Jon closed his eyes and took a deep breath, steeling himself as he slowly turned the knob. He hated seeing Ryan like this. He hated Brendon for causing Ryan to become like this. What he saw after he opened the door though, definitely wasn’t what he had been anticipating. He let out a strangled, choked scream and Ryan instantly shot up, his gaze immediately falling to Brendon, who was still lying peacefully. He rubbed his eyes, grimacing as he saw the black make-up come off on his hands. Then he noticed Jon. Jon saw him pale slightly and roll lightly out of the bed, landing delicately on his feet. He padded across the room and Jon half-shoved him out into the hall, closing the door behind him. “What the hell?” he asked, wheeling to face Ryan. Ryan replied with a timid smirk. “He apologized, Jon. He told me he loved me,” he said dreamily. Jon let out an aggravated noise. “And you believed him? After everything that miserable little bitch put you through?”

Ryan snarled back at Jon, his lip curling up in barely contained rage. “Don’t you ever talk about him like that, Jon Walker. Don’t. You. Dare.” Ryan drew himself up to his full height, towering over Jon and forcing him backwards into the wall. “Of course, I believed him. He came home drunk. And we all know how well Brendon can lie when he’s ingested too much alcohol.” Ryan rolled his eyes, remembering how Brendon had once tried to convince Ryan that he wasn’t afraid of the horror movie that Ryan had put on when he was rather drunk once. After trying to convince Brendon to let him change to a different movie four time, Ryan had finally given up and hit play. By the end of the movie, Brendon was in Ryan’s lap, on the verge of tears, and afraid of his own shadow. Brendon was a terrible drunk-liar. Ryan smiled at the memory, but was quickly pulled back to reality by a rather livid Jon. “Fine, Ryan. But don’t you dare come to me, needing a shoulder to cry on when he pulls this shit with you again. Because my arms will not be open this time, Ryan.” He threw his head back, frustrated, and then let out a long sigh. “Just…. Be careful, Ryan. I hate seeing you hurt.” He turned and walked back to his room before Ryan could say anything.

Ryan stared after him for a moment, and then decided to let it go. He turned and went back into his room, smiling at the sleeping Brendon. He crawled back under the warm sheets, snuggling up to Brendon. He closed his eyes again and fell asleep.

Brendon awoke not long after Ryan fell asleep again. He squinched his eyes shut, raising an arm to block out the feeble amount of light coming through the curtain. After his eyes adjusted some, and his head stopped pounding viciously. He dropped his arm, looking down at Ryan. He let out a broad grin. And then the grin shattered into a devastation. What had he done? Oh God, he had worked so hard to push Ryan away, to convince him that he didn’t love him. And now he’d gone and screwed that up too. He covered his mouth to stifle the sob that he let loose. He didn’t want to wake Ryan up. Not yet. He mentally slammed his head into a wall. All he wanted to do was protect Ryan. Even if it meant breaking Ryan’s heart. And shattering his own. But he couldn’t hurt Ryan. He loved him far too much. He ran his hand gently across Ryan’s face as he struggled to remember what he’d said to Ryan last night. He gasped as the memories came flooding back. He let out a sigh. Well. The “I don’t love you anymore” excuse is out now. Good going, Brendon. You’re just a damn champion, aren’t you? The little voice hissed to him. He growled back at it. “Shut up.”

At the sound of his voice, Ryan began to stir, mumbling in his sleep. Brendon gave him a panicked look, hastily wiping the tears from his face. He put on a brave smile as Ryan opened his eyes. “Hi,” he whispered. Ryan graced him with a gorgeous smile, and Brendon felt the breath leave him body. “Hi,” he mumbled back shyly. Brendon giggled, and leaned forwards, kissing Ryan’s cheek. “How’d you sleep, love?” he asked. “With you in my arms? I slept perfectly,” Ryan said, face turning slightly pink. Brendon giggled again. “I’m glad,” he said, laying back and pulling Ryan to him. Ryan laid his head on Brendon’s chest, sighing happily. Brendon looked down at him, smiling as he ran his hand through Ryan’s hair. Ryan hummed happily. “Brendon?”

“Yea, Ry?”

“Did you mean it?”

Brendon stayed silent for a long moment. He knew he couldn’t lie to Ryan. “Yea, Ry. I meant everything.” Ryan let out a sigh of relief. “Brendon. I love you, too. I can’t believe I ever doubted you. You’re perfect, Brenny. You are the most perfect, amazing man that this world has ever known.”

Brendon squeezed his eyes shut, fighting against the tears. “Don’t say that, Ryan. I don’t think I can take that. You make me out to be something I’m not. And I can’t take that from you, Ry.”

Ryan looked up at him, and Brendon could see every emotion, every thought running through him. He never had been good at hiding his emotions, but right now, he was rather transparent. “Brendon, I trust you. I trust you with my everything. I don’t think I could live without you.” Brendon grimaced a little, but forced a smile. Until he saw the look on Ryan’s face. “What’s wrong, Ryan, baby?” he asked. Ryan took a deep breath. “Can I tell you something, Bren?”

“Of course, Ryan,” he said, praying this wasn’t going where he thought it was. He really didn’t want to hurt Ryan like this.

“Promise you won’t tell anyone?” he asked. Brendon smiled back at him. “Of course, baby. The little voice in his head snickered. Looks like everything’s going to work out after all, Brennybear. Brendon mentally growled back at it. I hate you. I hate this. I don’t want to do this. This isn’t my choice.

And so Ryan told him. And Brendon listened intently, hating himself the entire time for it.
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