"How wonderful life is now your in the world."
Two weeks passed and the tour was practically finished. Tonight was the last show and I was beyond thankful. As real and as fun as it had been, it hadn’t been real fun. Over the last weeks, I noticed Gerard started acting more and more odd. He was jealous over just about everything and sick a lot of the time. Some moments he would be just bouncing off the walls, yelling and screaming. The next he would be passed out in his bunk or holding me and crying, telling me how sorry he was. I knew Gerard wasn’t telling me everything. I just felt so spell-bound and hopeless that I thought it would be better not to be so conflicting.
Gerard could be a very hurtful person when he was angry enough. Sometimes I found myself questioning what I was still doing with him. We argued a lot and fought a lot too. It was like he’d transform into this insane jealous beast ready to rip my heart out, and then back again into the beautiful and sensitive man I fell in love with. I didn’t know what to do at this point. I really didn’t. When things were good, they were really good. But when they were bad, they were horrible.
But tonight Gerard was acting crazier than usual. He was jittery, but not angry. He was sweet and happy and couldn’t keep his hands off me. It was pleasant, but also bizarre. He made me promise that I would watch his show from the side stage the whole time. I assured him that I would and that’s exactly what I did. I stood through the whole set, waiting for what he had in store. It wasn’t until the very last song that I understood where this was going…
“Okay, alright you guys have been fucking great. This is an amazing way to end such an awesome tour. Thank you so much for being here with us tonight!” Gerard said to the audience. They roared and he waited until the finished to speak again. “This tour has been so memorable for so many reasons and I think my favorite reason is the fact that it is how I met me girlfriend, Desolé Vogue from The Moment!” he said sweet. I blushed and my heart swelled as the crowd roared again.
“Des, you’re beautiful and you drive me nuts. I love you.” he said, glancing over to me. I waved quickly and he winked. The crowd let out an “awww”. “I know, shit’s getting’ mushy. Okay, not this song is kind of old. It’s from a while back, but I think it has almost everything I’d like to say to her in it. Its called ‘Demolition Lovers’. Des, this one is for you.” he said and Ray jumped right into the first riff.
I felt like I could cry I was so happy. I’d never heard this song live before. I felt so lucky and so blessed to have such amazing guy who was always looking out for me. I had an idea about where he was going with this whole thing, but I was afraid to make any guesses.
When the song finished, Gerard waved to the crowd and walked over to me quickly while the other guys followed. Everybody was standing around us, even my band and Milo. Even some of the crew members were getting involved in this. I was confused and excited and scared all at the same time. I felt like my heart was about to bound straight out of my chest. I was bitterly reminded of the time I had been forced to try cocaine.
“Did you like the song?” Gerard asked. He was sweating and drunk, but I didn’t care. I flung myself arms around him as tight as I could, knowing with my small stature I wouldn‘t knock him down.
“I loved it!” I shouted, squeezing him until I heard him choke a little. I hopped down fixed my hair a little bit. Gerard fumbled with something in his pocket. He seemed tense and nervous, like he was a little unsure of what he was doing.
At first I thought it would be his cigarettes, but it wasn’t. he didn’t keep his cigarettes in his pants, he kept them in his coat. It turned out to be a tiny-ish black satin box. The next thing that popped into my head was my mother’s ring box. The one she had kept her wedding ring in…
“Gerard, what are you doing?” I asked very cautiously. With all these people around and this situation getting more a more strange I was rightfully nervous. Gerard just smiled and I felt instantly reassured.
“Desolé I love you.” he began, lowering himself onto one knee. It dawned on me and I felt like somebody had just punched me in the chest. He wrapped his fingers around mine. His hands were shaking a little.
“Remember when we were laying in bed that one morning and I said I wanted to get married? You thought I was just joking…” his voice trailed off as he opened the tiny black box. I stared transfixed, feeling my eyes water as I looked inside. It was a pretty little ring with a single heart-shaped diamond set in white gold. I was shocked and breathless and very close to crying.
“But I wasn’t.” He said, taking the ring out of the box. His fingers trembled around it. “I wanna spend the rest of my life with you , just you. And I hope you feel the same way. Will you marry me?” he asked finally. I felt like my lungs collapsed. I opened my mouth to say yes but all that would come out was a little squeak as tears started flowing down my cheeks. I nodded quickly instead and beaming, Gerard slipped the ring onto my finger. It was a perfect fit.
He stood back up and I flung myself at him again. Everybody around us either clapped or went “awh”. I was too distracted by the weight of the ring on my finger and the tears on my cheeks. Gerard pulled back a bit from out hug and kissed me. The world around us melted away.
“I love you so much.” I said, wiping my eyes when we pulled away for good. Gerard smiled and brushed the remaining tears off my cheek before kissing me again. I couldn’t believe that I was now considered his fiancé. I couldn’t believe that I was going to be his wife.
“We better get back to our busses. Thanks everybody for the help with tonight.” Gerard said, waving to everyone as the crowd dispersed. He put his arm around me and I sank contently against his side.
“Walk me to my bus?” I asked, my heart still pounding as I looked up at him. He grinned and nodded. “I’ll just meet you back there Milo.” I added when I noticed Milo was waiting for me.
“Alright kiddo. Congratulations.” Milo said, kissing me on the head before walking away with the rest of the band. Now Gerard and I were alone, giving us both time to think about and process what had just happened.
“Wow…” was all I could say. It was slowly sinking in that I had just agreed to marry somebody. Somebody I had been dating for only a couple of months. There was a little tinge of fear that Gerard would rip this all to shreds, but I shook it out of my mind and told myself to stop worrying and just be happy.
“I never thought I’d ever want to settle down, or that anybody would want to settle down with me. But I knew from the moment I first saw you onstage that something big was bound to happen.” Gerard explained as we walked outside into the parking lot. It was cold, fall was already setting in. It was refreshing after all those days of humidity and heat.
“I never thought anybody would want to marry me and deal with me all the time, but then you came along and showed me how understanding a person can be.” I mumbled happily, shutting my eyes against a gust of wind. We walked slowly through the cold in silence for a while with me tucked neatly under Gerard’s jacket.
“So where do we go now? Where do we go from here?” I asked, looking up at Gerard. He stopped walking and so did I. Then he sighed. “We could head back to my place in LA if you want…” I offered.
“Well, we’re closer to Jersey. So I guess for now we’ll just truck up there for a while until we get this all sorted out. Would you want to have the wedding in Jersey, maybe next spring? We could get your mom to fly out and have everybody together.” Gerard thought aloud. I had never met his family before and I was eager to.
“Sounds like a plan.” I agreed, smiling widely as we continued our walk. Gerard pulled a smoke out of his jacket and offered me one. I accepted gratefully.
“Hope you like the cold weather, ‘cause Newark is gonna be freezing this time of year.” Gerard smirked after he lit both our cigarettes. I laughed and blew the white-blue smoke in his face playfully. “Do you like the ring? Mikey helped me pick it out.” he said in a softer voice. I extended my hand and stretched my fingers, gazing lovingly at it.
“It’s perfect. I love it, thank you. It matches my birthday necklace.” I said, reaching up and touching my throat gently where the choker was.
“That was Mikey’s idea, to get them to match. I’m kind of clueless when it comes to jewelry.” he explained. I smiled and looked at my ring again. It just looked so pretty and dainty sitting on my finger, like a little piece of lace or a flower.
“It’s lovely. And so are you, future husband.” I grinned at him. I stood on the very tips of my toes and kissed him carefully.
“Not nearly as lovely as you, future wife.” And the kiss was returned ten fold.