Gerard arrives. Even thinking about what's going in his own mind leaves Mikey wondering...
[12:00pm give or take an hour]
Right in the middle of 'Big Red Car' I heard a knock at the door, I was startled, though I got up off the beige carpet, and still had the pea soup green blanket wrapped around my shoulders. It wasn't cold in here, but it was lonely, and the blanket made me feel a little less like a piece of shit who's going to die alone because everyone's just going to find somebody they fucking like who likes them back. All honest intent of an actual relationship thrown out the fucking window, right? Live for the moment! Fuck that. I had plans.
I walked with my feet dragging across the dark red soft carpet. I stepped onto the floor mat and opened the door. Gerard smiled a little, and walked in as I stepped out of his way. I smiled back and he set his things to the right of the steps. He stood there, his arms hanging at his sides. After a few moments passed, I grabbed him and hugged him tightly. I was so happy to see him again. I missed talking to my big brother, the one who'd hold me if I had a scrape on my knee and cried. Sometimes I'd do that on purpose because I positively loved having Gerard's unceasing affection.
"I'm happy you're here, Geege-" I stopped and cleared my throat. He probably hated being called 'Geegee' anymore. "Gerard..."
"I'm pretty glad I came..." He said and smiled at me. That smile. In all these eight months it was that and his voice I missed the most. I took delight in how close we were. Even after eight months of him probably being pissed at me, and me being upset over him drinking, we still had that bond. We were much closer than normal brothers, but that was fine. It meant Gerard would pay more attention to me. I liked being the center of his world when we were together. He was honestly the only person to ever make me feel so important. "Do you want to talk, or anything?"
"No... I mean... yes... But it's got to come out because I'm having a mental break down and I'll start verbally vomiting all over you..." I said with a small grin and he chuckled slightly.
"Well I promise I'll stay until you feel better. I don't care if you kick me out. I'll stay." He said and patted my shoulder. Why was he only patting my shoulder? Didn't he want to hug me? Did I do something wrong? As much as I hate to admit it, I thrived on positive feed back from Gerard. I actually only did a lot of the things I do to make him proud. So I pretty much haven't done anything in the past eight months or so.
"Pinky swear?" I said and held my pinky out toward him, and looked at him over my glasses with a smile.
"Pinky swear." He said and wrapped his pinky around mine. I remember how he held my hand when we went places. Despite all the kids that were rude to him about it, he'd hold my hand because I got lost in a grocery store once, and he said he never wanted me to get lost again. He stopped this when I turned 11. I wanted to ask him why he stopped, but I always chickened out. I wanted to ask him to hold my hand again, but I didn't want him to laugh at me. Not that I think he would've, but it was still a possibility.
"Gerard..." I started.
"Hm?" He said and looked up from a news paper. I never remembered him liking the news. Maybe he was looking for something in particular.
"Is it okay if I just make some grilled cheese for dinner?" I asked, and turned around and he was examining his fingers.
"No." He suddenly looked over at me and snapped. "I'm going to make dinner." He said and got up.
"Why?" I asked and furrowed my eyebrows at my brother.
"Because you're emotionally distraught at the moment, and I don't want you to get stressed." He said and placed his hands on my shoulders lovingly. "Come on... Why don't you go watch some TV and I'll make you a grilled cheese, hm?" He said, this time closer to my ears in more of a whisper.
"Um." I started as I got the chills. "Okay." I said, not wanting to argue. Gerard has a history of being stubborn as a fucking mule. I walked back into the living room and started flipping through the channels.
"Two grilled cheeses!" Gerard cheered and walked out with two paper plates.
"I could've made the-" I began before he shoved the sandwich in my mouth.
"Just shut up. I'm the big brother. I dictate everything." He said and sat down beside me looking proud over a grilled fucking cheese.
"Not in my house!" I said and giggled.
"Even in your house." He said and took a bite of his. I wonder what else he could do with that mouth... WHAT AM I THINKING?!
"No, that's not tr-" I started before I was interrupted.
"Need I remind you of the cheesy goodness sitting in your lap, huh Mikey?" He said. Every word that came out of his mouth sounded dirty to me... And I liked it... That's not natural. That's not right. I'm just... off today... that's it... I'm not thinking about my brother that way... Am I?
Short, but I'm about to pass out from lack of sleep. What'd you think of it anyway?
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