Kacy faces another day in the hospital with friends by her side to keep her strong.
Brendon was sleeping in the chair, looking extraordinarily uncomfortable which made Kacy feel guilty. She wished he would go home and get some good solid comfortable sleep. As she continued staring at him she smiled at the fact that she could remember, she couldn't remember past her hospitalization but she could remember the other day. Everyone was still fresh in her mind.
She propped herself up on the pillows on the bed and groaned quietly, the hospital bed was quite uncomfortable as well. She couldn't wait until she was free to sink in to a nice fluffy bed. She was hoping she had one of those anyway...
A nurse walked in and smiled at Kacy but Kacy slowly slipped her finger to her lips and motioned towards Brendon. When the nurse saw Brendon her smile widened and she nodded, backing out of the room quietly.
Kacy stared at Brendon, feeling the desire to kiss him. He was so damn good looking and she wanted so badly to remember their time together before because from the way he looked at her it must've been good. She was honestly a little frightened that she might make him not like her anymore. It was hard to act like the girl he 'loved' when she couldn't remember a single thing about that girl.
Brendon started waking up with a groan as if he could tell she was staring at him. Kacy watched as he stretched before opening his eyes and looking at her, "How long have you been up?" He asked.
"Not long." Kacy responded, smiling.
"You could have woken me up." Brendon said, rubbing his eyes to try and wake up a little faster.
Kacy laughed, "But you looked so peaceful."
Brendon smiled. "You remember me?" He asked.
Kacy nodded. "I do."
Kacy had her arm entwined with Brendon's as they walked down the hospital hallway. Brendon was supporting her just in case her legs gave out but so far she seemed to be doing fine. This was an important recovery step and the doctors didn't want her walking alone for the first time since it had been quite awhile since she had used her legs.
"Now if remembering my past was as easy as remembering how to walk then I'd be set..." She muttered, not having much trouble. The only hard part was that her legs felt kind of like jelly at first but each step made her feel better as her legs stretched and she was freed from her bed.
Brendon smiled and kept as close to Kacy as possible. He was glad that physically she was doing very well but he really wasn't all that surprised. Kacy was a fighter; everyone in her life was well aware of that.
"I think you deserve a night off tonight." Kacy said, watching the floor as she walked.
"A night off?" Brendon asked, sounding slightly confused.
"Yeah... Just a night for yourself, away from worrying about me." Kacy said, voicing her feelings about Brendon being trapped with her in the hospital.
"I like worrying about you." Brendon said, as he stopped walking. He let go of Kacy and waited for her to look at him but she didn't and he realized just how serious about him leaving she was. "You don't want me here with you?" He asked, sounding hurt.
Kacy shook her head, "I didn't say that Brendon. Don't twist my words." She snapped.
Brendon felt his anger increasing slightly, "I'm not twisting your words. I'm simply saying what you mean!" He yelled, getting a few people to look their way so he quieted his tone, "Look I don't want to fight in the hospital hallway... Let's go back to your room for some privacy."
"I'm not going anywhere. I need you to listen to me." Kacy pleaded.
"I'm listening." Brendon said in a tone that clearly stated he wasn't pleased.
"I feel like you're way too concerned. I have memory loss, I'm not dying." Kacy said, rolling her eyes as Brendon sighed heavily. "And I'm not trying to be rude or pushy or anything else that you might think I'm being. I really like when you're here but I haven't had the chance for you to not be here and I think I need that. I think you need it too."
Brendon stopped showing signs of disapproval and listened to Kacy, "I get it."
Kacy shook her head and knew he was just saying that. "I really don't think that you do." She leaned in and found herself having to stand on her tip toes a little as she pressed her lips against Brendon's. It was short and sweet but it left them both smiling at each other. "I like you. You're taking this as a personal insult." He was. "I don't mean it that way. I just want you to be happy and you're definitely not happy here."
Brendon nodded, smiling as he rejoiced in the feeling left on his lips. They were slightly gooey from the lip gloss her mother had dropped off for her but other than that it felt great. He loved the fact that Kacy was actually his. That was something he never thought would actually happen no matter how many times he had fantasized about it.
"Now go clock in some guy time." Kacy said, winking at Brendon.
"Want me to escort you to your room first?" Brendon asked in concern.
"Hey now buddy." Kacy said, shooting him a warning glare. "That sounds like worry to me and you're no longer on worry duty so shoo!" She said, shooing him with her hands as she kept the amused smile on her face as he jumped back and then kept walking backwards, smiling at her.
Kacy laughed when he ran in to an annoyed looking nurse, jumping up and helping her with her papers then he waved at Kacy and made his way down the hall. As Kacy walked back to her room she let the feeling of being alone settle in. She loved Brendon being around but she kind of felt like she needed some time to reflect on what had happened and she hadn't gotten that opportunity yet.
That reflection time didn't last long at all for Kacy because shortly after Brendon left Lisa showed up with some more homework assignments and decided to hang out because Brendon was gone. It did make Kacy realize that she wasn't wanting Brendon gone, she just hated feeling trapped in her hospital room while people came and went. It reminded her that they could leave and see the outside world while she couldn't.
Lisa and Kacy were finishing up with their anatomy homework and talking about other school subjects when Lisa asked the question that Kacy herself had been wondering about, "Are you coming back to school when they release you?"
"I figured but I'm really not sure." Kacy responded, wondering how that would work. They were letting her do all her assignments but she didn't know if her absence would affect her badly in any way. She hadn't quite had that explained by anyone yet. "You don't think they will try holding me back or anything, do you?" Kacy asked.
Lisa shook her head. "No, according to your mom they just needed you to finish the assignments you missed which you almost have completed so I don't think it's going to be a big deal."
"Good." Kacy said, sighing in relief as she brushed her hair away from her face and continued to concentrate on the textbook. "I'm excited to jump back in to school and work." Lisa had told Kacy about her job at the movie theater and thankfully the owners were willing to let her start back up once she got released from the hospital. They just wanted her to stop by and get her schedule when she was ready to do that.
Lisa laughed, "I've always envied you." She admitted.
Kacy looked at her friend in surprise. "Why would you envy me?"
"You've always been so on top of everything. School has always been a breeze for you, you never complained at work, and Brendon is so in love with you. You're just perfect." Lisa said, sounding wonderstruck.
Kacy laughed as she thought of Lisa's words. "I may have been those things and Brendon may have been in love with me but I don't think you should envy me now. It's like my walls are caving in on me all the time. I'm afraid I'm going to get trapped inside of myself without ever fully knowing myself. I haven't been to work yet so I can't really comment on that but the idea of facing the world has me trembling at night. The idea of facing Brendon outside of these walls has me utterly terrified." She admitted.
Kacy breathed deeply before continued on her small rant, "These textbooks are so simple. I could sit here and read them forever, just soaking up the knowledge. Knowledge doesn't bite back, it doesn't make me feel like a failure if it takes me just a little longer to comprehend because it doesn't know. It's just there. People scare me. Even walking down the hallway today I felt people staring and they probably weren't, I'm just paranoid that I won't be good enough."
"But you aren't turning away from it all." Lisa pointed out, "Not like someone else would."
Kacy laughed and shook her head, thinking of the idea of running off and joining some weird cult that didn't speak so that she'd never have to be criticized. She was afraid of criticism, it hadn't even happened yet but she was just waiting for someone to say something bad about her. "I don't quite think it's a possibility to just run off and not face reality."
Lisa shrugged. "See you're doing what you always used to do." She stated and it came off slightly like an accusation. "You don't allow compliments and you don't realize how strong you are."
Kacy rolled her eyes and bit her lip, "If I'm so strong then why did I allow those girls to take everything from me?" Lisa froze as she heard the pain in her friends voice.
"Oh Kacy, that's not really how you see it ... Is it?" Lisa asked, staring at her friend in horror. How could she blame herself for what she'd been through?
Kacy looked down at her hands as she picked at the bedsheet. "It's what I dream about. I've envisioned being attacked a million times and there is always a way to defend yourself. Always. So why didn't I?"
Lisa shook her head, "There were a lot of girls and you were all alone." Lisa's voice broke as she thought of the day she had found Kacy lying in the hallway. "I left you." She said, guilt wracking thoughts flying through her head.
Kacy heard the guilt in Lisa's voice and looked up to meet eyes with her friend. "Lisa you weren't my personal bodyguard. You can't have expected to be with me at all times. How could anything be your fault?"
Lisa felt a few tears trickle down her face, "You'd been getting mean notes all day. I should have known that something would happen."
Kacy laughed but the sound was strange to both of them, it was much too forced. "You can't predict when things will happen. That doesn't even make sense." She said, trying to comfort her friend. "It seems like we all blame ourselves in some way or another but I think it's time to move on. I promise to stop blaming myself if you stop." Kacy offered, knowing very well that it was a lie. She couldn't shake the feeling that she should've done something better to protect herself.
Lisa smiled through the tears and nodded, "Living guilt free sounds good."
Then Brendon walked in, surprising them both. "Whoa, did I walk in on a cry-fest?" He asked, watching as both girls quickly wiped their tears away. Lisa's eyes were red but Kacy hadn't really allowed herself to cry much so she just had to wipe away what had barely fallen.
Kacy shrugged, "We have to deal with giant textbooks and never ending assignments. What do you expect from us?" She joked.
Brendon nodded, "Makes sense to me. The book on your lap makes me want to cry. I brought chocolate and flowers as a peace offering to join your study group." He said, setting the chocolate and flowers on Kacy's bed.
Kacy happily reached out and grabbed the chocolate, "Thought tonight was your night off?" She asked as she opened the package.
Brendon shrugged. "I found out the world is really boring without you."
Lisa laughed, "Why do you think I'm in here with her? Much better."
Kacy smiled and looked at them, they were both such perfect people and she had the luck of getting them in her life. She felt like the luckiest person alive as she watched them laughing, "Hopefully there is a carmel filled one in here." She said, looking at the tiny pictures depicting what filled the inside of the various different chocolates.
Brendon reached out and stole one, biting in to it. "Chocolate within chocolate." He said, happily.
Kacy laughed and extended the box to Lisa, "Thank you Brendon." She said as Lisa chose one with a funky pink filling. "I think this one is carmel." Kacy muttered but quickly was spitting it out. "I was wrong." She said, sounding disgusted.
Brendon laughed, "Wow, that is extremely attractive." He joked as he got up to get her a napkin.
Kacy shrugged, "I don't like whatever this one is." She said, grabbing another chocolate and handing it to Brendon. "Tell me what's inside."
Brendon took it and stared at it for a second before taking a small bite and finding it to be carmel. "Well looks like this one is all mine and all carmel baby." Brendon said, teasingly as he held it away from Kacy.
Kacy glared and tried grabbing his hand as she fell against him. Brendon smirked at her as Kacy looked up at him and whispered, "I'm glad you didn't stay gone all night." With that said Brendon brought the chocolate to Kacy's mouth and let her have it.
He would let her have anything just to hear her say that again.
(Alright guys, strugged a little with this one but I'm really grateful for all of the kind reviews and hopefully I'll hear from some of you again! I was curious... Do you prefer to read in 1st person or 3rd person? & on a side note as some of you know my lap top is broken but I'm still trying to push out new chapters. They may just be a little less edited but I'll be trying to fix that asap. Thankfully my boyfriends father is going to be letting me use his lap top so that will temporarily fix the problem!)