Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Life Is Full of False Hopes

Lectures

by Wicked_Lovely 6 Reviews

How could Spencer possibly be sorry when he was right about everything?

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Angst,Drama - Characters:  - Published: 2011/09/13 - Updated: 2011/09/14 - 1091 words

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They pulled up to the somewhat familiar home, allowing me to get out. As soon as Ryan got inside he disappeared, leaving me alone to face Jon and Spencer.
"Brendon, what the fuck were you thinking?" I stared at my hands as Spencer raised his voice.
"I was thinking that I needed a little bit of cash." I whispered the words, having a hard time trying to stand up against the closest thing I had to a friend. I really didn't want them to think less of me as a person, though I knew that was exactly what was going to happen. In fact, it had already happened.
"That is not a way of getting money! Who told you you could whore yourself for money?"
"Spencer's right. What you're doing is just wrong." I looked down at my hands, finding it impossible to look at the other two. Each word they spoke stung, making me hate myself more and more. I could feel my eyes tearing up, the disappointment showing in Spencer's voice.
"What the hell made you chose that kind of life?" I felt sick. One of the tears slipped from my eye, rolling down my cheek. "It's just unbelievable." I couldn't do this. I stood, walking out of the room and to the washroom, slamming the door shut behind me. I leaned on the sink, letting the tears fall as I gave a weak attempt at trying to calm down. They thought they were the only ones disappointed in me.
I stared at my shaking hands, the tears falling onto the porcelain counter. I wanted out. More than anything, I wanted out. I wrapped my arms around myself, one of my hands going to my mouth. I leaned over and vomited in the bowl to my side, coughing as my body tried to get out all of the food that wasn't there. There was a burning in my throat, my heaving hurting my back. My eyes stung with tears as I tried to breathe. Eventually my body gave up, allowing me to lean back against the wall behind me. I broke down, shaking and sobbing as I tried to remind myself that things could be worse.
There was a soft knock on the door, followed by Spencer's voice. "Brendon, are you okay?" I wiped the tears, but didn't respond. I couldn't face them. Not again. At least, not now. I eventually manged to calm down, probably taking over twenty minutes. I stood, cleaning the washroom before putting my hand on the door handle. I took a breath, finally getting the guts to open it and walk out. There was no sign of life, the hall being completely empty.
I made my way to the kitchen, finding that there was no one other than a boy with chestnut hair. I knew who it was without having to see his face. There were only so many people it could be, and only one boy styled his hair that way. It was silent other than the sound of him munching on some form of food. I shifted from one foot to the other, having a hard time deciding what to do. He must have heard, his head going upright from the slouched position it was in.
"You can have something if you want." I loved the voice. Just like the honey color of his eyes. I walked around so I was sitting across from him, crossing my legs in the chair as I watched him eat. It wasn't much, from what I could tell. He was looking down at his plate, pushing the food around with his fork. The expression on his face showed that he wasn't all that happy about eating, almost like he was being forced into it. We were silent; Ryan munching on his food while I stared at my hands.
"I guess you're in a disquiet with Spencer now." I looked up at him, his voice soft as he continued to look at his plate.
"Yeah." I bit my bottom lip, feeling like a fool.
"You're not the only one. It seems I'm always in vexation with him." He glanced up at me before going back to scooping some food on a fork and allowing it go to his perfect lips. "He does that sort of thing. Just give it a night, and he'll be reposeful." I nodded. We went back to being silent, the stillness not breaking until he was finished with his food. "So, what's your greatest fear?" We were both looking at each other, a sort of awkward silence falling over us.
"I guess...That life will never get better. That it'll always stay this way." He shrugged.
"Probably." Silence.
"What about you?"
"That one day we'll collapse. As I society, I mean. That one day our government will fail us, that everything will end up in bloody riots and millions will starve. Our carrying capacity is already millions over what it should be, it's only a matter of time until we're completely destroyed."
"Ryan? You in here?" Jon walked in, our discussion over. "Oh, Brendon. Spencer wants to apologize to you. He'll be back from work in about three hours." Jon sat down next to Ryan, whispering in his ear. "You did eat this right, you didn't just dump it on the floor for Hobo to eat?" Ryan shook his head and Jon gave a small smile.
"Can I use your shower?" Jon looked back over at me and gave a nod. I stood, walking back to the washroom so I could take a quick shower. I locked the door, taking my shirt off. I looked at the cuts on me and gave a small sigh. I picked at the scabs, allowing it to bleed once more.
How could Spencer possibly be sorry when he was right about everything?


~~~~~

Why do I feel like this is the shortest one out of all of my other chapters? Gosh, they just keep getting worse and worse. I'll try and fix it next chapter, kay?

PartyPoison:Yeah, I know what you mean.
Yay! The next dictionary I buy I will put that word in it. Definition and all.

LePanicFan:I knew what you meant, I just thought it was kinda funny.
Glad you like it.

AnotherKnifeInMyHand:We're hoping that he and Ryan will have another chance at at least talking, but knowing me, it'll just get worse for him next chapter.

marissasorrentino:Why thank you. I know I've said this before, but I do try.

-xoxo Pansy.
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