Shadows, misguided ghosts, and salty kisses....NEW CHAPTER please R&R and I'll update really soon! (:
Chapter Twenty Eight
Frank’s point of view:
The dark, twisted shadow that haunted me for so long, creeping, crawling into my mind and destroying me; my self esteem, my hopes and dreams, my emotions, mangled and broken, is now following him. Following Gerard.
Picking on the lost and alone, picking on the ones who’ve given up on themselves, the easy targets and destroying what’s left of them, making them feel dead, just an empty shell where a soul was once hidden.
I’m frozen to the seat of the swing, gripping the icy cold rusty chains so tightly my knuckles are white, scruffy converse motionless on the damp, leaf-strewn tarmac as I watch Gerard walk faster and faster through the dusky rain, hood pulled up, huddled vulnerably into his hoodie, slipping and sliding on the corpses of muddy leaves that shroud the dying grass.
It’s like watching a tiger stalking its prey; with every nervous stumble Gerard makes, the twisted shadow’s stride becomes more confident, creeping closer and closer…I can see Gerard’s breath come in nervous gasps, smoky in the icy grey sky, as he stumbles faster still, faster, faster….then he’s flailing wildly and crashing down on the rotting, muddy leaves.
The shadow towers over him, cruel and cold and dark, jeering, sneering at him as he recoils and tries to disappear into his hoodie.
The park is horribly silent, nothing but the soft whisper of the rain soaking into the ground from the overcast, murky sky above, the bitter wind rushing past like an unearthly shriek, whipping through my hair and making me shiver violently.
But nothing chills me to the bone like the unmistakeable sound of a fist connecting with flesh that echoes through the empty park seconds later.
And suddenly, it’s all so, so simple.
I can’t let this happen to Gerard. It won’t leave him alone now…he’ll never be alone again, his thoughts and creations and dreams tainted by the evil that won’t rest until Gerard wishes he was dead, just to escape its horror.
I can’t ever let that happen…I can’t let Gerard’s life be ruined like mine was.
I’ve stood up for him once, why can’t I do it again?
Everything inside me might be a broken, confused mess, but I’ve never been so determined about something in my life before…not when I wanted to go and hang out with Gerard and Bee for the first time, not when I had to walk past Aled everyday with them, not even when Aled destroyed Gerard’s painting…
Right now, this is the one thing I’m clear about in this mangled world of hurt and confusion and destruction.
I stand up and walk determinedly through the lashing, icy rain and bitter dusky wind, pace steady, mind made up, nerves steely.
I take a deep breath and…
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Aled?” I snarl.
Aled blinks and looks up.
Gerard blinks twice and looks utterly bemused, startling greeny-hazel eyes wide, as if he’s wondering if perhaps Aled’s given him concussion and he’s imagining me.
“Are you okay, Gerard?” I ask, holding out my hand slightly tentatively, not feeling quite so confident now I’m actually here…but more because of Gerard than Aled.
Gerard nods wordlessly at me, eyes still wide with shock.
“Fuck off, Iero.” Aled growls, eyes cold, steely, glaring.
“What makes you think I’m gunna do that?” I challenge, shivering slightly as Gerard’s icy fingers curl round mine and I pull him gently to his feet. “What the fuck have you been doing to Gerard?”
“Just trying to show what an ugly, pathetic looser he is.” Aled sneers.
I turn to look at Gerard.
He’s shaking- with fear or cold, I can’t tell which-, raven hair blacker than midnight, damp in the pouring rain, skin whiter than a ghost, eyes wide and scared, beautiful, shimmering emerald, hazel droplets pooling in their depths, rimmed with thick, dark lashes and slightly smudged black eyeliner, lips soft and pink, wet from the teardrops of rain that gently tickle down his cheeks, cleaning the wounds scratched on his smooth skin.
I’ve never seen anyone who looks less like an ugly, pathetic looser.
“That’s so obviously not true.” I growl at Aled, fury bubbling up inside me at the hurt, the fear, and the blood etched on Gerard’s features…all caused by him, and suddenly, I want to beat him to a bloody pulp, crush his bones to dust, just for making Gerard look so lost and hurt. “You’re probably just jealous.”
“Jealous?!” Aled snorts. “Why the hell would I be jealous of this freak?!”
“Maybe cause he’s a hell of a lot better looking than most people in the fucking school, let alone some ugly fuck like you, he’s talented and creative and just pure amazing at art, whereas you can barely pick up a fucking pencil, and you know that there are lots of people who’d take a bullet for him, whereas probably no one in the school would give a fuck if someone shot you.” I yell furiously, the anguish in my voice echoing off the gnarled trees that surround it.
Aled looks stunned for a second, and Gerard just blinks at me, probably wondering what the fuck I’m doing, as I haven’t even spoken to him in days, yet here I am, standing for him like there’s no tomorrow.
What the fuck am I doing?
Maybe I’m just following my heart for once…
“Yeah, you would say that though, Freaky Frank.” Aled recovers, but his sneer isn’t quite as confident as it was before.
“What do mean?” I say, jumping slightly as I feel Gerard’s long fingers curling round mine in gratitude.
“Hah, look at that- just fucking proof that Gay Way really is a faggot!” Aled sniggers, pointing at our entwined hands.
Gerard ducks his head, hiding behind his hair, and tries to pull his hand away, but I hold on tight.
“Tell me, Aled, what’s so bad about being gay, anyway?” I glare at him.
Gerard’s head snaps up and he looks at me pleadingly, eyes wide and wild, shaking his head desperately.
“Well, would you ever see someone like me being a fucking faggot?!” Aled sneers.
“Well if being straight means being like you, I’d rather be gay.” I retort.
Aled’s mouth falls open as he struggles for words…I don’t think anyone’s ever tried talking back to him like this before. “I…you…well…He’s just a fucking freak, okay?! He’s pathetic and ugly and no one likes him!” he bursts out.
I look at Gerard, who’s biting his lip anxiously, eyes hidden behind his midnight hair.
“He’s not.” I whisper. “He’s wonderful and kind and talented, he’s the most beautiful person I know, and I think he’s fucking amazing, okay?!”
Gerard looks up at me, hair falling back from those enchantingly emerald eyes, and then it all happens so fast I hardly realise what I’m doing.
In that one, split second, it all makes sense.
And then my lips have collided fiercely with his, cool and soft from the rain, salty with tears and hurt, motionless in shock against mine as I kiss urgently, recklessly, wildly, forgetting everything, forgetting myself, for once just totally and utterly following my heart.
I wrap my arms tightly round his skinny waist and drag him closer, wanting him, needing him, inhaling the warm, sweet smell of coffee, charcoal and passion fruit shampoo that lingers on his scruffy black hoodie, as he shakily slides his arms round my neck and pulls me into the warmth of his skinny chest and I sigh into his mouth.
He’s tentatively kissing me back now, lips softer than velvet, tongue hot and sweet, dancing nervously with mine as I pull him closer still, heart pounding frantically against my ribs, stomach dancing the tarantella, goose bumps erupting up and down my spine.
Lips working, hearts thumping, breath gasping as one. Two misfits, two broken souls, colliding, belonging, believing.
My world is suddenly like a different one, one of dreams and hopes and wishes all fused together…
And then Gerard pulls back, and I’m back in the bleak, grey coldness of reality, standing, lost and vulnerable in front of possibly the most important person ever to enter my world, breathing heavily, heart beating violently, mind reeling.
“…O-oh.” Gerard breathes, all wide-eyed and pink-cheeked.
I blink, suddenly feeling embarrassed, and look around, not able to meet Gerard’s beautiful big eyes.
“A-Aled’s gone.” I stutter, shuffling my feet and staring at the ground as if it’s fascinating.
“…I-I’ll just go then…” Gerard mumbles, and although I’m looking at the muddy ground, I can tell he’s nibbling his lip and ducking his head.
“…O-okay..” I reply, not sure what to say, especially as my heart’s beating faster than it ever has before in my life, my thoughts are a mushy mess, and it’s suddenly dawned on me what I’ve just done.
But surprisingly, I don’t really feel confused…I don’t feel angry or messed up or sad…I feel…calm, in a weird kinda way- calmer than I have done in weeks, which is seriously weird.
Actually, maybe it’s not all that weird- all that confusion over what I wanted and who I am is gone…as I stand, staring at the ground, feeling Gerard’s breath on my hair, giving me goose bumps, suddenly everything is blindingly, crystal clear.
I know who I am now; who I am and what I want, what I need.
And it’s okay.
Better than okay.
It’s good. Good to finally understand all the feelings I’ve been trying so hard to hide deep inside my skeleton, to feel the emotions I haven’t let myself feel, to finally be with the person who is my whole world, who I want and need and love, and to know it’s okay.
I feel alive now.
“..Thanks, Frank..” Gerard mutters, cutting through my thoughts. I blink and look up, at the finality in his tone.
He’s looking at me, eyes shimmering emerald in the dusky rain, their depths full of something I can’t put my finger on, still full of pain, but of a different kind of pain than the raw, stinging agony Aled gave them.
It’s deeper than that, almost as if his soul’s been broken in two.
“…I’ll see you...” He whispers, and then he turns round and starts walking away from me, through the mud and the dying leaves and the gnarled, spiky-branched trees, a misfit walking alone, skinny and lost in the dusk, like a misguided ghost, drifting from one reality to another.
And I’m lost without him.
Was it okay? I wasn’t sure if it was…is my writing going downhill? Please let me know what you thought of the chapter and R&R- it’s really make my day (: thanks so much for reading, guys, and I’ll update as soon as I can- the more reviews I get, the sooner I update (: love you all!
p.s. if any of you read “Be My Detonator”, I’ve just updated that, and it’d be awesome if you guys could check out the new chapter and R&R it (: thank you!