(#) Lira_Snape 2006-06-10While this story is certainly original, your jumping back and forth along the timeline makes it very hard to comprehend. It starts sometime in the future, then you are back at Privet Drive with people taking him to Grimmauld Place which Harry escapes from. But when the next part was Harry at Privet Drive with his minders watching him I really lost track of everything. Clearing some of that up a bit or at least adding dates might help the reader to follow you.
(#) The_Fine_Balance 2006-06-10You started of great, very face-pased very intriguing.... in my opinion, there is no reason to devote chapters to how he got there, you can stick that bit in the conversations betweeen him and say... Remus or Hermioen/Ron when he gets back. In other words, i'd suggest you
1) begin from where you left off at chapter one
2) begin from september first.
i really think we've all read enough summertime growing stories to know the gist of what could have happened, and naturally, you can preodically furnish us with details.
- Good story. I liked the prologue. I hope you don't have Harry's vaults controlled by Albus because of what happend in chapter two. I think the goblins are smart enough not to get envolved. I mean if they were to mess with Harry's vaults and Harry would find out Harry could press charges as well as remove all of his money from the goblins care. That would be a big blow to the goblins if Harry went public with what they did. They could lose a lot of customers that way. Oh and you asked about a mentor for Harry on dlp.net if I am not mistaken. I think that you should set him up with a exmember of the department of mysteries. Oh well update soon.
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