He had messy raven coloured hair and his eyes, usually a sparkling green, were now dull and empty hollows. His clothes were hanging off his pitiful body and his glasses askew. With the combinatio...
A.N this is my first ever fan fic so please forgive any typing errors or mistakes in relation to any of the other Harry Potter books and forgive me if it’s really bad. This book takes place after the order of the phoenix and was not written with any intent for making profit purely just to make my day less monotonous. All characters belong to J.K. Rowling not me, apart from the plot which is mine. I will try to make it as close to the book format as possible. I also decided to write this, partly to develop my typing skills or lack of , because I have read many fan fictions but sometimes the authors desire to make something happen means they lose the essence of the characters which immediately puts me off. I have absolutely no idea how to publish this or anything but I will cross that bridge when I come to it. On some fan fictions I have read the authors seems so desperate to make something happen in their plot I feel they lose the real essence of who the characters are.
Chapter One -Vacant
The cloud filled sky, pregnant with rain had hung over Privet Drive like a blanket for the last few days. The crisp dawn air was cold and empty and not a single soul was seen out walking the empty street alone. A mysterious silence had polluted the atmosphere for the last couple of weeks but only two people on Privet Drive had any idea why. One being a mere 15 year old boy and the other being an old lady with a worryingly large amount of cats. A couple of weeks ago marked an event at the ministry of magic and it involved a life changing prophecy, a tragic loss of life and most of all the acceptance of the ministry itself which lord Voldemort had indeed returned.
Along Privet Drive the gardens people were usually more than happy to boast about, were filled with shrivelling plants, most probably due to the lack of sunlight of which muggle experts had blamed on global warming. The usual emerald coloured grass that covered the gardens was now a mass of fading yellow.
The street was still deserted, apart from one lone figure walking aimlessly towards number four Privet Drive. He had messy raven coloured hair and his eyes, usually a sparkling green, were now dull and empty hollows. His clothes were hanging off his pitiful body and his glasses askew. With the combination of his large ill-fitting clothes and losing a lot of weight in a small amount of time Harry Potter looked rather worse for wear, but he didn’t care in fact he hadn’t looked in the mirror since his return home six days ago.
This early morning walk was now routine for him, every day before any one had woken he would climb out of his bedroom window and down the drain pipe and walked with no idea of a destination, this night he had just waited until his aunt and uncle fell asleep and had walked round for hours until he saw the sunrise then he would sneak back into his room. He would rather walk or do anything than sleep because every time he closed his eyes he saw the same sickening memory of his godfather falling into the veil.
By this time Harry had returned to his bedroom via the window and the drainpipe. His school stuff was still lying all over the floor, Hedwig’s cage was empty, and the door was still bolted shut with dishes of un-touched food positioned at its foot next to the heavily used cat flap. Letters from various friends were set across the bed, many of which weren’t open and none of which had been replied to.
Harry sat down on his bed pushing the letters to the floor as he did so, he sat and stared at the alarm clock which used to be his cousin’s, Dudley, as he waited for his uncle to awake and unlock his door. Sure enough an hour later he heard the bolt slide across and his uncle grunting “BOY! Get up you lazy freak, I want breakfast on the table in fifteen minutes” as he made his way past Harry’s door. Harry then threw on one on Dudley’s old jumpers to mask his rapidly shrinking frame and then made his way to the kitchen.
Before long, Uncle Vernon, aunt Petunia and Dudley were tucking into their food and a retreating Harry was making towards the door, after deciding to skip breakfast as the thought alone made him gag.
“Boy!” Said uncle Vernon whilst eating which resulted in food spraying over his morning news paper.
“Yes Uncle Vernon?” Harry replied in his politest voice, which was hard as the smell of the food was making him nauseous.
“Have you… sent… a letter to… those… freaks yet?” He asked, now finally looking over at Harry although with a look of complete utter loathing covering his face. Aunt Petunia now looked up from her breakfast over to Dudley and then to Harry with an expression that mirrored her husband’s, while Dudley looked at Harry eagerly hoping he replied no so Dudley could watch Harry get yelled at. Dudley now avoided talking Harry altogether, who supposed this was because Dudley wasn’t sure if Harry had saved him from dementors last year or if Harry had caused them.
“Not yet, I was just going to now” Harry responded. Sure enough the reactions of his family were as he expected. Aunt Petunia dropped her cutlery and let out a shrill shriek and then moved in front of Dudley as if to block him from any danger, almost as if she thought she was a decent match to a death eater. Uncle Vernon rose angrily out of his chair and walked over to Harry only stopping when he was in reaching distance of his nephew. He then grabbed Harry the scruff of his neck and dragged him over to the table and then reached in to his pocket and pulled out a neatly folded piece of paper and a biro. Harry made to take the paper and head upstairs but his uncle smiled sadistically.
“NO, I want to see what your writing to those freaks, and you better make sure they don’t think anything is wrong as I’m not going to let them hurt my family because of you. We took you in 15 years ago out of the goodness of our hearts and this is how you repay us by getting some ghastly freaks to threaten us. We will all be a lot safer when you’re out of our lives for good” Uncle Vernon grunted angrily “WRITE!”
Harry didn’t have the energy to care about anything his uncle said and all he wanted to do was go to his room and hide any from reality and staying in his own solitary confinement and forget that the fate of essentially the whole world as people knew it rested on his flagging shoulders.
You told me to send a letter every three days, so here. I’m fine. Relatives are good. No point coming over. Give everyone my best.
Harry finished his letter and signed his name but didn’t write an addressee as he had no idea or care over who would read it. His uncle stanched the letter and Harry could see his beady eyes travel over the words after five minutes of non stop scrutinizing the letter he passed it to his wife who did the same. She then gave the letter back to her husband and nodded. Uncle Vernon then looked back to his nephew who sat quite still gazing into nothingness, his skin gaunt, his eyes empty and bags haunted the flesh beneath them. Uncle Vernon couldn’t help his curiosity for the boy’s lifelessness and couldn’t help the pleasure he got from seeing Harry like this.
“Ok boy. Your…owl. Bring it. Here. NOW!” Uncle Vernon said abruptly bringing Harry back into reality, after he had been thinking as usually of the events of the last term at his school, Hogwarts.
“Why?” Harry replied although he had lost concern about himself, he couldn’t help but be worried for his owl who was the only living thing in number four Privet Drive who didn’t flinch away from him or avoid him when ever necessary. His relatives usually tried to avoid anything to do with the wizarding world altogether, almost always including him.
“No questions” Aunt Petunia said simply looking away from Harry at a confused looking Dudley who was now onto seconds of his breakfast.
He made for his room, Hedwig had returned and was perched on his window sill. When Harry returned to the living room his uncle gave him the newly written letter and told him to send it. Now Harry realised why he had wanted Hedwig. He had wanted to see Harry send the letter to make sure it was indeed the same letter and that it was indeed sent and not some desperate plea for help or anything about Harry being mistreated. Harry also realised why his aunt and uncle wanted the letter to be sent at all. They were concerned for there own safety and so wanted to check Harry wasn’t saying anything bad about them or that they were mistreating him because they wanted to protect their son, Dudley, Harry felt, though he thought it weren’t possible, some warmth, by the mere fact that they cared about their son but that warmth was almost instantly extinguished and replaced by ice as he was reminded that he, Harry, would never have that, considering the closed thing to family he had ever known was gone. Dead. And Harry knew it was entirely his fault.
When he returned to his room (minus Hedwig) he was greeted by a swarm of owls all of which were perched on his bed waiting for him. One owl Harry recognised as a school owl, one was as Ron called him pig which was carrying no less than four letters and the last one Harry didn’t know. He carefully took seven letters of the various owls, which to his surprise, all remained quite still. The school owl then flew off back to school Harry presumed and couldn’t help but be a bit jealous. Pig flew, if somewhat ungracefully, over to Hedwig’s cage to drink so water and help itself to the large amount of food which Harry had given her, although most of which he, himself, probably should have eaten. Harry took the other letters of the remaining owls and surprisingly again they sat quite still presumably wanting for a reply. Harry took Pig’s letters first and opened them one by one.
Are you okay? I sent to two other letters before and you still haven’t replied, Hermione said you hadn’t replied to her either. Are you sure you’re okay? I don’t think I’ve said this before but I’m sorry about Sirius. But you need to talk to us. Members of the order told us you sent a letter like they said you should but that it wasn’t addressed to any one. Lupin isn’t doing to well either you know no one has really heard from him much and he looked worse than ever when I saw his last which was really saying something as it wasn’t near a full moon. Everyone’s really concerned about you. Have you been getting the daily prophet? In it they are now making you look like some kind of God they are even calling you the chosen one, Fudge has been trying really hard to make it sound like he believed you all along. Mum says that Dumbledore says you have to stay there for at least a couple more weeks. Fred and George have bought a shop in Diagon Alley and they are now sleeping on the floor in there most of the time. Percy is still being a git. Bill has moved over here now and has a job in Gringots in Diagon Alley. Charlie is still in Romania. Ginny is being weird, she’s being quiet and most days she has bags around her eyes but won’t tell us why. Dad is very busy at the ministry and isn’t home till late most days. I guess its properly started now hasn’t it, the war I mean.
Harry read over the letter carefully. He felt slightly angry at Ron’s concern after all Ron had never lost anyone and wouldn’t ever truly understand. If he was in a better place he might have thought more about Lupin but all he knew was that he had taken away Lupin’s last remaining friend and that Lupin probably hated him for it. Harry had been getting the daily prophet delivered but hadn’t read much into it (just the front cover). Harry couldn’t really care about Bill’s job. Again, if he was ok he might have been concerned about Ginny’s lack of sleep ‘Bet it’s not as bad as mine though’ Harry thought bitterly then after thinking about it again thought that that was a horrible thing to think and felt even worse than he did before. He grabbed the second letter and opened it.
I hope your eating well. I swear Ron has had a stretching jinx on him and I think you are probably the same. Professor Dumbledore said it is going to be maybe a couple of weeks or so before you can come home, so look after yourself. Let us know if anything is wrong. No-one seems to have gotten a letter from you yet so please find some time to reply just to let us know your well. The twins joke shop business is thriving. Arthur has been rather busy at the ministry of late. The rest of us are well.
See you soon
All my Love
Harry read the letter carefully. It seemed happy but Harry was almost certain Mrs. Weasley had made a big effort to not put anything in the letter that would upset him. In fact he had the feeling she had put a lot of time and effort into the letter and that she had rewritten it a large amount of times. Harry put this to the side, upon Ron’s letter and moved on to the next one. Although he knew now that he probably shouldn’t put of replying, he had no idea what to say and that Pig had most definitely been instructed to wait for a response before flying back.
Hey. I hope your ok or that you’re getting there, but don’t you dare say your fine because I swear you have a different definition of that word than what it actually means. Most people are kind of worried about you. I heard mum talking to dad about some person called Arabella Figg, apparently she has been trying to keep an eye on you, not moaning by the way just saying be careful ‘your being watched’. That sounds a bit stalker-ish, doesn’t it? I hope Pigwidgeon is still conscious; honestly I am sure he can fly to Hermione’s house blindfolded due to the number of times Ron sends him there. They say Hermione is the cleverest witch of her year but really how long do we have to wait for them to do something about it. Anyway mum keeps going on everyday now asking if you have sent anything, I think she is really worried about you.
Everyone says to me that Dad is having a lot to do at work but to be honest everyone in the order is looking very stressed of late. The other night I was listening through the door to a conversation dad and bill where having and well because of Percy they are not to sure how safe the Burrow is right now. It’s really quiet here, I sort of like that about you-know-where, that we always know when something is going on. Remember fleur? Well she got a job at gringots to improve her ‘eenglish’ and Bill hasn’t shut up about her- hint hint, oh me and Dean broke up, but I am glad; he was really starting to do my head in.
Please don’t blame yourself for what happened to Sirius. It was that stupid bitch, not you! Hope to see you soon.
Harry carefully read this letter it was definitely the longest so far and it was more news-y and it was less careful than Ron’s but Harry had the feeling a lot of effort had gone into this letter as well. How had she known that he blamed himself? As he thought about this, Pig nipped him on the arm with an expression which clearly said keep on reading so he stopped pondering Ginny’s letter and moved onto the final one from Pig.
I’ve been desperate to talk to you but you haven’t sent a letter so I couldn’t use Hedwig. Ron said his mum was making them all write to you until you sent a decent letter back. So I sent this letter to Ron to send to you. You can tell everyone is really worried about you but they can’t help if you don’t talk. Have you done much of your homework, I’ve just finished all mine but I think I am going to rewrite it.
I persuaded my parents we shouldn’t go on holiday this year as I really don’t think it’s wise to travel. In the muggle papers there has been an increasing amount of muggle disappearances. The daily prophet is still making out they believed you all along. They now like to refer to you as ‘the chosen one’. There have been no proper leaks about any thing that happened in the ministry but there is a lot of guesses and some articles mention the prophecy, it’s such a shame it got smashed.
Look after yourself. None of this was your fault.
Hopefully I’ll see you soon
Love from Hermione
Harry could tell she was fishing for any information about the prophecy and she hadn’t mentioned Sirius at all, did she think it would be too much for him or didn’t she even care? Harry thought to himself. He had found that each day when he thought he couldn’t feel any worse he suddenly did but he never cried after everything that had happened he didn’t know if he could, he couldn’t ever remember crying. An emptiness he had always associated with dementors now surrounded him constantly as if it were in the air he breathed with every vacant breath. His stomach growled loudly breaking him out of his trance. He saw on the clock it was now 2pm already and although his stomach said it was hungry, his mind said differently and so he moved grabbed a spare bit of parchment and started on one of his replies.
I’m fine honest. I’ve just been really busy with homework and stuff. The Dursleys are fine, really. I don’t see why you’re all making such a fuss; it’s getting sort of annoying to be honest with you. I haven’t sent any letters because I have nothing to say. I will talk when I have something to say.
Harry thought this was a decent response but didn’t think Ron would buy that he was busy with homework. He decided to write to Mrs. Weasley next as he could tell she was probably worried about him.
I am eating. I am fine. I just can’t really think of anything to say to anyone that’s why I haven’t really sent many letters.
Love from Harry
Harry began, but then realised he couldn’t really think of much to say which he hadn’t included in the first two letters and he hadn’t really talked to Ginny much alone never mind sent her a letter before. After re-reading her letter to him, he thought he may understand why Ginny was having trouble sleeping as he could tell the line about her and Dean had been erased before. ‘Girls’ he thought then continued on with his letter.
I hope your ok, I really am fine (adjective- meaning quite well or satisfactory or very well –informal) that’s what my dictionary says it means, why what’s your definition? I am sort of getting used to people watching me or worrying about me, it’s getting annoying to be honest with you. I think it’s going to be a long time before anything happens between Ron and Hermione but you never know. I am sorry about the burrow and Percy. Where will you go if it’s not safe? You-now-where? Quite frankly I don’t think I ever want to step foot in that place again.
Oh by the way, nice reference to Bellatrix there
Harry felt strangely paranoid about his letter, probably because it’s the first one to Ginny I have ever sent, he thought. Although he carefully side-tracked taking about Dean as he thought it was probably a very touchy subject at the moment.
His hand was now getting stiff by the number of letters he had written. It was the most he had written since returning back to the Dursley’s.
Hope you are well. Sorry I haven’t sent you a letter yet I’ve been really busy and it’s only been like 6 days since we broke up for summer. Getting through my homework. See you soon maybe.
Love from Harry
Harry couldn’t bring himself to mention the prophecy and wished she hadn’t had brought it up, other than that he really didn’t have anything else to say.
By now it was late afternoon; the sun was shining brightly and beginning its monotonous journey west. Harry vaguely become aware of a pitiful plate of food being pushed through the cat flap in the door and then realised the bolt across the door had probably been across it for hours. He was getting was bored by now, the distraction of the letters made him feel guilty as he knew he should be thinking about the prophecy or Sirius. He put his replies aside and took a letter of one of the owls he didn’t recognise. This owl was a chestnut colour and had large black eyes. It seemed quite friendly as it sat there quietly watching him contently and it looked well looked after. Harry took the letter from its outstretched leg.
I hope this letter got to you in good form. I myself do not have an owl so Tonks kindly leant me her’s. I thought I would let you know the order found Sirius’s will. You-know-where went to the order, half of the content in his vault at Gringots went to myself and the remaining half and his possessions went to you. The money has been added to your vault and the possessions remain at you-know-where for you to take as you please.
It wasn’t your fault Harry, remember that.
Remus .J. Lupin
Harry felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart with thousands of icy daggers each digging impossibly deeper into his chest, he felt as though his lungs were filling with bitter freezing water and as though they were being compressed in all directions, making each desperate breath of air more unbearable than the last. That last sentence ‘it wasn’t your fault’ made Harry suspect that Remus thought the exact opposite ‘of course he blames me, I cost him his last remaining childhood friend’ Harry thought miserably.
Dear Professor Lupin
I don’t want it, the gold.
Do I have to send the order a letter every 3 days, it’s excessive, I’m fine there is no point having to write it every three days. Sorry.
He couldn’t have not written sorry at the end, he just hoped Lupin would accept it, or at least try. He didn’t want or need Sirius’s money or anything, half of him just wanted to forget it all together, everything. He vaguely saw a hand reach through the cat flap to find the uneaten food and then heard the person walk down the stairs as he put the school owl letter away to read later and then attached the letters to the remaining owls and as he watched then clamber out of the window one by owl he loosely wondered how it felt to be that free flying which ever way took your fancy, to eat when ever he liked without someone monitoring him and to just stretch your wings and fly of when it all got to much, as he turned round to see the livid faces of his aunt and uncle.
The small room was filled with absolute endless silence. Aunt Petunia walked shakily over to the window in time to see the owls fly off with the letters securely attached to their feet. Uncle Vernon looked enraged and as though he was beyond the ability to speak. Harry’s aunt then quickly shut and locked the window and drew the curtains and then joined her husband glaring at Harry.
“So… you… think you can send letters to those… freaks…do you…telling them to come and get you? You were telling them we were being horrid, weren’t you?” Uncle Vernon struggled to say, his face was a vivid shade of red which clashed dramatically with his puce coloured shirt.
“No…No, I wasn’t. I was just… talking” Harry replied pathetically. He could feel the last couple of sleepless nights crashing upon him and he vaguely wondered if that, in conjunction with the fact he had not eaten in at least 4 days straight (and before that he would just eat then be forced to throw up) had slowed down his reactions as it had taken him about 2 minutes to finally get the words out regardless of the fact his mind had been working furiously through out.
It was blatantly apparent that both his aunt and uncle didn’t believe him. His uncle came closer to Harry and grabbed him by his collar causing him to be lifted several inches into the air and caused the collar to dig into his throat and he had to try hard to breathe normally as to not give his uncle the satisfaction of the pain he was now aware he was in.
“Did you say we were treating you badly…are they coming?!” Harry heard aunt Petunia ask but he couldn’t see her, his eyesight was going all blurry and he knew if he was standing on his own two feet that he would be swaying.
“WELL?” Harry heard his uncle ask and could feel his uncle’s dank breath on his clammy face.
“No I swear” Harry responded truthfully.
Harry indistinctly heard his aunt and uncle mutter and then numbly heard footsteps in his direction, and thought he may have felt a sharp shooting pain in his head and then knew no more.
A.N. Well there it is my first chapter; hope you liked it and that there isn’t any type-os. I know this chapter may be a bit bleak but it gets a hell of a lot better I promise. I was slightly concerned this was too out of character but the way I see it, the Dursleys would go to drastic lengths to protect their son and knowing that Voldemort was back would have to stress them out. I wasn’t sure how long to make the chapter but this seemed a good-ish place to stop.