He felt like he needed to throw up but more food still was being forced down his throat, and he felt himself swaying in his seat and briefly heard “Oh and boy, happy birthday!”
(#) Hippothestrowl 2012-03-05 02:03:39 PMThe grammar and writing skills are very clunky but that will come with experience - the main thing is the story is OK and makes us want to know what's going to happen.
Frankly I think the Dursleys have lost their marbles if they think they can get away with this. Unless Voldemort is controlling them they sound OOC and OTT!
Author's responseThanks for the review. I hope the grammar and writing are okay and that they will improve, i'm not too sure what I am do about them right now. I am glad you think the story is OK.
In all honesty I can't really remember the staring chapters too well a it was such a long time ago and a lot has happened since then. I will definitely look back over them and possibly edit them a bit though it will have to be when I have finished writing the next chapter.
Thanks for the criticism I do value it, keep reading and let me know what you think.