"You're too good to me."
After a while I force Frank to go mingle. I feel like I’m brining him down and besides I have Bob here. I’d actually like to get to know the kid. Together we take up an entire couch. Bob is stretched out, his head resting by my thigh.
“So you and Frank....” Bob says, “What’s going on between you?”
I sigh, putting my beer on the ground, “We like each other but I don’t think anything will ever happen. I sent him off to mingle so that he can meet someone and be happy.”
“Why do you torture yourself?”
“He’s not happy right now, I can tell.”
Bob nods, sitting up, “How long have you been friends?”
I chew my lip, “Ever since he told me to jump off the roof which was in like third grade.”
Both Bob and I laugh. I still can’t believe I actually thought I’d be able to fly. I had such a vivid imagination.
“You jumped off a roof?”
“Yeah, I though I could get to Neverland,” I admit still giggling a little.
"Oh come on, you've probably done something like it," I say.
Bob just shrugs, "Not really. I'm kind of a boring person."
"I don't think so. You're very nice and fun to talk to."
"Well so are you."
We both laugh as Bob flops back down on the couch.
Eventually Bob goes off to talk to a few other people so I walk around trying to find Mikey. As I round the corner I see Frank talking with a blonde girl I’ve never seen before. He’s obviously flirting with her. It hurts too much to watch any longer. I turn around and head right for the front door.
Sitting down on the porch I lean my back against the railing, pulling my knees up to my chest. I have to let Frank go. It is the only way he can possibly be happy. I’m just sucking the life out of him. I made a mistake with my song last night. I mean, I’m not even the same Amber he was friends with. Frank is only hanging around me because he feels obligated due to the friendship we have. He doesn’t want me and I’m clearly not ready for him. There is just no point. Letting Frank go so he can be happy is the best thing I can do. He is my security blanket but now it’s time for me to learn to comfort myself.
How could I be so stupid as to think Frank might actually love me back?
I curl my arms around my legs and rest my chin on my knees. I’m just beginning to wipe my tears away when Frank finally wanders out. It had to be at least twenty minutes from when I had seen him with the girl.
“What’s wrong?” Frank asks as he sits down next to me.
“Nothing,” I mumble wishing it had been Bob to find me and not Frank.
“Obviously something is wrong or you wouldn’t be crying.”
“I just… didn’t want to be in there anymore.”
“Why not? Was someone bothering you? Did Bob do something?”
I shake my head and sniff, “No, I just…I just realized that I’ve been kind of leeching off of you for a while. I think maybe I should leave you alone.”
“Well, you can’t really have much of a life if you’re always taking care of me. I don’t want you to be tied down by obligations or whatever reason it is that you’re taking care of me. I just want you to be happy and I realized that it won’t happen if I’m hanging off of you all the time.”
“Why do you assume I’m not happy?”
“How could you be? You’re eighteen. You’re a dude. What dude wants to spend all his time with a depressed and emotional girl?”
“Maybe this dude loves that depressed and emotional girl. Maybe he wants to help her heal. Maybe he’s waiting patiently for the day that she’s not depressed anymore.”
“Maybe that dude wants a girlfriend.”
“Maybe,” Frank says gently as he strokes my cheek.
“So then he should have one. What girl wants to date a guy that walks around with an emotional girl attached to him all the time?”
Frank is silent for a second, “What makes you think I want a girlfriend?”
I sniff, “I saw you talking to that girl.”
“She wasn’t anyone special. We were just talking.”
“You had your flirt face on,” I remark.
Frank gives me a smartass laugh, “That wasn’t my flirt face.”
“I’ve known you long enough to know your flirt face.”
“Obviously not, because that wasn’t it,” he answers.
“She was flirting with you.”
“Probably but I wasn’t interested.”
“I just think… I’m tying you down.”
“You’re not tying me down, Amber. I’m with you all the time by choice remember?”
I shake my head, “You feel obligated because we’ve been friends for so long. The truth is, I’m not the same girl you befriended. I’ve changed…a lot and I don’t know if I’ll ever be that girl again.”
“You’re the only person I ever think about. Don’t you think if I wanted free of you, I would do something about it?”
“No. You’re too good a person.”
Frank smiles at me, “I’m not with you all the time because I feel obligated. I’m with you because I love you and you make me happy. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want a girlfriend and if you backed off to let me have one I’d be fucking miserable. Didn’t we already explain that we need each other? Giving each other space would only be bad for the both of us. If you leave me I’ll fucking… suffocate.”
I just continue to look at the street, “I don’t want to keep you from what you deserve.”
“What I want and what I deserve is right here,” Frank answers, petting the back of my hair.
“I just ruined your night.”
“My night went downhill after you forced me to mingle.”
We both laugh before Frank takes my hand leading me back inside. I don’t leave his side even when Bob comes back over. Then again there is the brief moment right before we all settle in to watch a movie that Bob pulls Frank aside.
I just sit on the couch, saving a spot for Frank waiting for them to finish up. A few minutes later Frank comes to sit next to me, Bob taking a seat on the floor.
“I think we should leave,” Frank says.
This is confusing; a few minutes before he told me to get my ass back in here and have fun, “Why?”
“The movie they picked out, it’s a shitty one. You won’t like it.”
“What movie is it?”
“A Clockwork Orange,” answers Frank shooting Bob a look.
“Weren’t you the one who always said I should watch it?”
“I don’t think it’s a good idea anymore Amber.”
“You won’t like it.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, you won’t.”
“You need to have more faith in me, Frank.”
He gives up. Sighing Frank just sits straight up, glaring at the TV. His arms are crossed and he’s all jumpy. This isn’t like Frank. What is wrong with this movie? Suddenly Mikey shoots up from his chair, pulling Jonny's older brother, the one who chose the movie,out of the room. What the fuck is wrong with everyone?
Then as the scenes flip I understand. I try and ignore the screams emitted form the women but in the end it’s too much. I feel like I’m going to be sick. Unable to take it anymore I bolt, throwing open the front door.
I can hear the screen door slam again but I ignore it as I empty my stomach of the pizza and beer I’d consumed tonight. Why the fuck would they chose that movie? Why didn’t Frank grow some balls and tell me there was a rape scene? I hurl again before turning around.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demand as my fists connect with Frank’s chest over and over.
"I tired, Amber."
“No, you didn’t. You’re afraid. You’re too afraid to say the word. You’d rather me watch it on TV then have to just outright say the word.”
His face lets me know that I’m right. For a long while we are both quiet. My anger has subsided and so I just cling to Frank, his arms wrapped protectively around me.
“I want to get my nose pierced,” I announce suddenly.
“Well,” Frank says with a smile, “that came out of left field but I can help you with that.”
I smile as he pulls me closer to him. Sighing I snuggle up against his muscular chest, “Frank?”
“What do you think is going to happen to us?”
“I think we’re going to grow old together and live happily ever after.”
“I’ll do my best.”
“You’re too good to me,” I mumble.
“You deserve better. I’ve hurt you too much.”
“Yet you won’t explain why.”
“I am going to explain why but I have a plan, and even though you’re ready for it I don’t think I’m ready.”
“You're very confusing.”
Frank just laughs, kissing my forehead, “C’mon. Let’s go get that nose pierced.”
“Right now,” I question a little surprised. I was not expecting to get it done tonight.
“Of course, it’s only nine. The place I go to closes at eleven.”
Frank takes my hand and leads me towards the car.
“Will they do it?”
“Yeah, sure…they don’t care. My cousin owns the place anyway.”
“Cool. You haven’t had anything to drink, have you?”
“I never drink when I’m with you.”
“Do you want to?”
“No, because I want to make sure I can drive you home safely.”
“Oh… I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying you’re sorry.” Frank wraps his arm around my shoulder, “This is all by choice."
“I just don’t want to wake up one morning to find a note saying that you were overwhelmed and couldn’t take it anymore.”
Frank ruffles my hair, “That’s crazy talk Amber, now bet in the car.”
Note: These chapters you are getting today will probably be some of the last for a little while. NaNoWriMo is in like two days and I will be focusing most of my attention on that. If I happen to have a moment I'm not working on that I will update. Anyways hoped you enojoyed. Also I've never been able to watch A Clockwork Orange past the part I wrote about...:/.