I detatch my lips from his slowly. Fuck! I have a girlfriend and i'm straight.Mostly straight anyway. But him. He's like an exception for me. The only one apart from women that can bring me to my knees. He could break me right now if he wanted too, he could change everything. I know for sure, i can't let him go. Frank, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I rambled on hoping he wasn't creeped out. I fucking know i would be. After an agonising silence he finally speaks. G-Gerard.
I can't talk anymore so i turn and face in his direction, acknowledging him. It's...It's o-k-kay. I liked it He finished turning more than a little pink in the cheeks. I liked it too. That was exactly the problem. You didn't like it Gerard, you have Sophia. Sure, she's a bitch sometimes but she's yours and you love her even when she freaks out. That was it! You were thinking of Sophia when you kissed Frankie. That was why you liked it so much. Fuck! Frankie? I've nicknamed him already! Seriously now, Cupid hates my guts.
Despite every inner demon battling ferociously with me i had to say something. I had to fix this. Make it comfortable again. Frank, let's lie down shall we? Like we were going to. You still look tired. I hear myself say, without even contemplating first. This is where i come when things get tough and they're tougher than ever in the love stakes right now. We curl up together and i turn my face away, burying into the feather pillows. Nobody could hear my heart cry out for him.
Why did i admit that? I like him, i know i do. But that girl downstairs, i think she's his wife or girlfriend. He's straight obviously. But then he kissed me. I didn't ask him too. He just wanted too. Well, i think he did. I actually hopehe did.
We decided to lie down as we planned and i'm pretending to be asleep again. I'm not though, i'm thinking through the past twenty four hours. I used to do this daily when i was a bit younger. When my Dad would beat me or my Mother, leaving us barely hanging on to our lives. I would hear him snoring faintly from the next room and i would just lie there in my bed for hours. Wide awake, just with my eyes closed. Imagining i was like Peter Pan. I could fly away to somewhere precious. Where nobody was bad, everything was always beautiful. I would simply take my mother and my dog and we would leave, never coming home. I remember my dog being my best friend all through my childhood, Tyson he was called. A huge grey dog with stripy tiger like marks in his soft fur. I used to walk him for hours just to be out of my Dads way. Most times, Mom would come too. We always went to the same places. Down beside the river, through the corn fields and then we would visit my Grandparents. They're not around anymore. They would have protected us both if they were, it would never have got to the brutal point that it did.
Eventually, my Dad's drinking spiraled out of control and after the most vicious beating i had ever received he simply passed out. I went to bed and waited again for him to come around, as well as my mother, whom he had beaten unconscious as she fought to protect me. The turning point was that morning, he didn't wake up. He was stiff and cold. His skin a greyish blue shade. Mom laid her delicate hand where his heart used to be, her eyes filling with tears before turning to me and telling me It's over, son. And we cried for days afterwards, a hint of relief but a waterfall of pain.
It's strange i know, to cry for someone who abused you over and over again. You would imagine that it would be a blessing. Blessed with a curse was an accurate summary of my childhood. Well, you could apply it to my life now i look back on the years. I have no idea what i'll be like as an adult. I have no idea where i'll be when i'm thirty years old, but one thing i do know is i have never felt as secure before. I've never felt real love. I've never wanted anything more than that. And i pray that i have just found what i always wanted. Gerard, you are the only exception.
Aww! Sorry it's short! I'm not really liking this chapter so i may edit a few things or wrewrite it entirely! Thankyou for reading! :) xx