I remember one day Frankie fell out of a tree. I dont know how the hell he got up there, but he fell out a fucking tree. This was when we were kids and, me, Frank, Mikey, Bob, and Ray went to the park with our parents. Our parents were complete control freaks and made us all wear bright, neon colored jackets. Frankie's was bright green, Mikey's was yellow, Bob's was orange, Ray's was blue and mine was pink, and considering I'm gay that seems like such a coincedence. Since it was autumn and about to rain, the sky was pretty dark and our, ahem, neon jackets contrasted nicely against the sky. All of us kids went off to do our own thing, so I played a game with myself to collect the most leaves with different colors by the time we left. I had wandered to the biggest oak tree in the park when a bright green bundle fell in front of my feet. I laughed, since I didn't know any better, thinking he wasnt seriously injured. When he didn't laugh, I ran to mine and Franks parents to tell them what happened. I also remember, before they hauled him away to the hospital, brushing my hand against Frank's cheek, saying, " It'll be ok, it'll be ok, I love you Frankie, I love you....."
It's funny how little kids know what love is better than adults. After all, I loved everybody at that age. My mom, my grandma, Mikey, my friends.... But I knew I loved Frank in a different way then I loved all of them. That was a time when we didn't have to worry about anything, we didn't know what gay meant, we could just.... love.
I had my first kiss when I was 10. I kissed Angelica Smith behind the bookshelf in the library bookshelves in the back corner. She told me she liked me and didn't think I had cooties and kissed me right on the lips. It was nice, except, while I kissed her instead of Angie's face, I pictured Frank. His perfect pink lips softly brushing against mine, moving in sync. I always thought of Frank. When other boys began to think of girls in a sexual way, I was the odd one out. I thought of Frank, not Angie, or any other girl.
Suddenly my thoughts and reminisicing were interrupted abruptly. "Mr. Way?" A doctor called out. "Yes?" I asked. "You are free to go. Take one anti-depressant a day and come back for counselling every 2 weeks. If you feel the depression come back, immediatly come striaght back, ok?" I nodded. I can't believe it! I'm free! The question is, where do I go from here?