“Everything alright,” Frank asks after he’s finished cleaning up the Mountain Dew I’d spilled.
“I have to talk to Liz,” I announce before getting up and heading towards to door. If I don’t do it now I’ll never confront her. “I’ll be back over later Frank.”
Instead of pressing the matter he lets me go. I guess maybe he just wants me to be alright.
I walk the mile it takes to get to Liz’s house in a little under thirty minutes. Without even knocking I barge in, stomping up the stairs. Liz is sitting at her desk, looking at some website on her laptop. Without thinking I slam the lid shut and stare at her.
“I forced Frank to have sex with me last night,” I announce resisting the urge to slap my best friend. “I was terrified, we didn’t even finish.”
Liz just blinks up at me, “Well let’s just hope you were better than Devlin. Frank told me it was like she was having a seizure.”
I laugh at this. Finally, something that that bitch isn’t perfect at, “It doesn’t matter. He’s probably never going to think I’m ready now and it’s your fault.”
“Amber, I’m sorry. I was drunk, I didn’t mean to say that,” Liz answers looking like she might cry. “Will you ever forgive me?”
“Will you stop asking me questions about Frank and I having sex?”
My best friend nods, reaching up to give me a hug. I return it. In truth I hate being mad at her. Liz and I are like sisters.
“Thank you Liz.”
“Amber, he loves you. He was a mess when you were gone…he cried. He’d do anything to make you happy. Don’t take advantage of that. He wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he knew he hurt you or that you were hurting.”
I nod, “See you around.”
With my head clear and a weight lifted off my shoulders I head back to Frank’s. I don’t like spending time apart from him. I don’t feel whole, I’m not as happy when I’m away from him. Maybe that’s dangerous, how dependant I am on him. I don’t really care. I need him and I think he needs me too.
I let myself in and head up the stairs. Frank is playing guitar.
I plop down on his bed, “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course,” Frank answers, still strumming away.
“What was Devlin like in bed?”
Frank fumbles, his guitar falling to the ground making a weird glang noise.
He looks at me, eyes wide, “What?”
“Liz said you told her it was like Devlin was having a seizure on top of you.”
Frank’s cheeks turn a light pink as he laughs nervously. In order to avoid eye contact he picks up his guitar. I really wish he’d just tell me. I’m just curious.
“Um… she was… crazy.”
“Tell me about it.”
“You don’t really want to know.”
“I’m not jealous or anything. Just tell me. Tell me about the first time.”
“Christ. Are you sure you want to know?”
Frank sighs, setting his guitar down and closing his eyes, “Okay so we went to this party, right?”
I roll over on my stomach, leaning on my elbows. This could get interesting.
“And we were pretty drunk.”
“Yeah,” I egg him on. There is no way Frank is getting out of telling me what happened.
“So then… I don’t know. We started making out.”
“Mm-hmm,” I answer.
“And she just took my hand and led me down the hallway to this kid’s bedroom. I don’t even know whose house it was. There were a few freshmen in there making out so she told them to take off and they listened.”
I’m confused as to why he won’t tell me. Is he embarrassed or just being modest…maybe he really doesn’t want me to know? Perhaps I should back off, just leave it alone. Then again if I do that it’ll drive me crazy. I have to know.
“And then… I don’t know. We had sex.”
“So? Tell me about it.”
“Jesus, Amber,” Frank grumbles going back to his guitar.
“Stop being so modest, just tell me.”
“Alright she just kind of… pushed me over onto the bed.” Frank demonstrates by pushing his hands out. “And then she climbed on top of me and we did some more making out. And I thought that’s all we were going to do but then she just kind of… ripped my shirt off. And I mean she really ripped it. I had to throw it away.”
I laugh, picking this in my head.
“I figured I knew where it was going from that point. Then we just kind of… went for it. And mostly she just bounced around on top of me being kind of ridiculous and embarrassing. But I was drunk so I just kind of… took it. She’s fucking nuts.”
“Did you use a condom? Please tell me you used a condom.”
“Of course I used a condom.”
“Were you scared?”
“Fucking terrified, I was afraid she was going to punch me.”
I laugh, finding the whole thing very comical. Frank joins in, putting his guitar on the floor. As we sit there, laughing about Devlin’s sex habits I can see that Frank has realized something…I’m still his best friend even now that I’m his girlfriend. Once I’m done laughing I look up at Frank…he smiles at me.
“But… sex is just sex, Amber,” Frank tells me. “It’s the after parts that are special. Once you get off it doesn’t really mean anything. Anyone can do it. It’s when you’re finished and you’re full of endorphins. That’s when it matters. You don’t want to experience that when it’s someone you don’t love.”
I lean in on my hands and look at him, just studying his face, “So…what do you mean?”
“When I was with you… you were different.”
“You just… held me differently, like you loved me. It wasn’t just sex. It was… special. And then afterwards when I held you in my arms all night… I realized that we didn’t have sex. We ‘made love.’”
I smile, remembering the night, “It was special for me too.”
Frank crawls on the bed, lying across it, our faces close together. Instead of kissing me he takes my fingers, kissing each one, “Can I tell you a secret?”
“You can tell me anything.”
“I thought about you… every time I was with her and every time I was with Roxie too.”
My eyebrows rise, “Every time?”
“Yes, and I’m not even exaggerating. Well, except for maybe once, but it was because I was watching TV.”
I look down at the blankets. This is a lot to take in at one time. I never knew he liked me that much. Frank leans his head down next to mine. I wish all of this had come out sooner. Maybe if we hadn’t been so shy with our feelings the Garry thing wouldn’t have happened.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” Frank whispers.
I just play with his fingers for a few seconds, trying to stop myself from crying, “I’m sorry I didn’t realize it sooner. I think I’ve always loved you Frank. I just never gave the thought much of a chance to grow. It was just too crazy.”
“You’re too… perfect for me.”
“Amber…you are perfect…for me.”
I can’t hold my tears back anymore, then flow down my face freely, “I love you Frank, and not just because you are my best friend. Every time I’m around you my heart beats faster and I can’t breath. I want to make love to you again. I just want it to be special like the first time. I don’t want you to worry about me being scared or asking you to stop. I don’t want to have to be afraid.
“It will be special,” Frank answers. “I want you to know that there are numerous other things we can do to express… affection. Sex can be special, but it has to be wanted. Do you understand?”
I nod, “Yeah, I understand, next time it will be special.”
I smile, wiping the tears away, “Can I ask you another question?”
“Liz said you were really depressed for a while. She said you talked every day at lunch. That you cried.”
Frank nods, “I didn’t want you to see me like that. You needed me to be strong for you.”
I wrap my arms around him. He spent so long comforting me, now it’s my turn to do the same. “How bad was it?”
“I was pretty much a wreak. I got in trouble for beating the shit out of the football field with a golf club. I messed up the grass and Liz was there… I think I cried the whole time I did it.”
“I loved you and you were hurt. You were broken. He’d taken you from me. It wasn’t fair.”
“I didn’t realize you were depressed too.”
“Amber… I’m always depressed when you are, just like I’m always happy when you are.”
I frown, “I was depressed all of eighth, freshman and sophomore year…I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it. You were happy all of junior year and over the summer…and now,” Frank answers trying to cheer me up, “Do you want to do something with me? Just the two of us…like a real date. I’ll take you out to eat at the diner then we can see a movie or go bowling or something.”
“That sounds like fun, just no making out during the movie. Movie theatre make out sessions are super cliché.”
“Of course,” Frank answers with a smile. “Than again if you can’t keep your hands off me who am I to deny you?”
I laugh, “We’ll see.”
Note: Two chapters in one day...I'm proud of myself. Haha. Actually I have a few chapters in storage that just need edited so there should be like one more tonight. Happy reading :)