Gerard needs Frank's help.
Sunday passed in a blur. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t eat anything, I didn’t speak. I just sat in my room all day and drew while listening to loud music blaring through my speakers. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and so no one spoke to me. I was happy with that. I couldn’t get out of my head how badly I had reacted when Mikey had got on top of me the day before. He was my fucking brother, and yet the nightmares still overcrowded me. Thankfully, I had managed to get a couple of hours sleep that night- I had been exhausted from my outburst- but I still felt tired. It wasn’t as if I felt tired from lack of sleep, although that was probably part of it, I felt tired with life. What kind of life was mine if all I ever did was look like a fool and hurt people?
I didn’t sleep at all on Sunday night.
Monday morning I got up, and made my way to the kitchen, pouring myself a cup of coffee and nodding vaguely to my brother. He sat at the dining room table, cereal bowl in front of him and looked up at the sight of me. I steadily raised the mug to my lips and downed the cup, with no regards to how hot the liquid was. I just needed caffeine in my system fast.
“Hey brother. You okay?” The soft words sounded sweet and concerned in my ears. I nodded again and made my way to the bathroom, where I stripped and showered, making sure I faced away from the mirror at all times. I didn’t think I could stand to look at the freak in the reflection. I stood n the shower, with the hot water beating down on my head and back, and I mulled things over in my mind. The only thing I could come up with was this:
Something felt wrong today, but I wasn’t sure what it was yet.
I got dressed slowly; dragging on each piece of clothing like it weighed a tonne. I managed to shakily do my eyeliner without looking in the mirror, and then made my way upstairs. Mikey was dressed and ready to go, so I grabbed my bag and walked out the door, yelling a goodbye to mum as I did so. The air was cold, and I dragged the ends of my coat together, shivering.
As we reached the school I felt a bit sick, and my head was starting to pound. I’d have to try to ignore Frank again today. I wasn’t sure if I was up to it. I still felt really weird, and I was kind of scared at what was going on.
I muttered a goodbye to my brother, who looked at me uneasily before attempting to smile and walked off, leaving me to make my way to Art, which, of course I had with Frank.
I arrived way too early to the lesson, waiting outside until the bell went and the teacher arrived. I was still shuffling slightly, still feeling odd when I looked up and saw Frank heading towards the classroom. For the second time I had seen him at school, he was alone, which I thought was slightly weird. Frank was hardly ever alone. Still, I tried to ignore him until he spoke up, his eyes x-raying the ground.
“I broke up with Emily today.” He announced, shoving his hands deep into his pockets; his shoulders tense. I raised an eyebrow. What did that have to do with me exactly? I proceeded to ignore him once more, instead concentrating on the fact that I really wasn’t feeling very well at all. I was pretty sure that I was about to throw up or do something equally as stupid any moment.
“Gerard? Aren’t you going to say anything? I thought you would want to know…” I hmmphed and looked up at him, ignoring my uncomfortable body for a moment. I wasn’t entirely sure what Frank had just asked me, because a horrible ringing had filled my ears, blocking out all sound until it was just a high buzzing noise that wrapped itself around my head and squeezed tightly. My stomach had massive butterflies fluttering around, but it wasn’t because of nerves.
“What… What did you say?” I muttered. Okay, this was not cool. I felt dizzy. Really, really dizzy.
Frank looked up at me, shocked and joyous that I had actually said something.
“I told you that I broke up with Emily and that there’s something I wanted to tell y- Gerard, are you okay?” Frank's voice changed from happiness to concern, but I couldn’t really hear him anymore. It sounded like his voice was coming from really far away, and none of his words seemed to make sense.
“Frank.” I slurred. I don’t, I don’t feel…” stumbling forward I tried to reach out to hold onto something, anything, that could keep me upright, but to no avail.
I couldn’t remember anything else that might have happened after that. The dizziness consumed me and I toppled into the blackness, falling further and further into the dark hole until I was nothing.
I woke up, and for a moment I had no idea where I was whatsoever. I also realised that I was in somebody’s arms, and I wasn’t cool with that. I immediately began to flail my arms, only stopping when a pain in my head suddenly struck and I groaned, bringing a palm to my scalp.
“What… what's going on?” I opened my eyes and realised I was on the floor outside of the art room, and Frank currently had his arms wrapped around my waist. I struggled weakly, and tried to get out of his grasp. Frank seemed to know what I wanted, and immediately unclasped his arms and backed off, coming round the front so I could see him. He looked scared.
“You just… you just started swaying and then you just collapsed on the floor. I tried to catch you, but I think you hit your head pretty bad.” He smiled sheepishly for a moment before a look of complete concern washed over his features again. “Err, what’s wrong? D’you want me to get the school nurse? I think you should go to hospital.” I shook my head violently at that thought, more pain lacing through my skull. I was not going to a hospital. It had too many bad memories, and plus the nurses had needles, and I fucking hated needles more than I hated myself. I groaned and pushed myself up off the floor, ignoring the wave of light-headedness that shot through me again. My legs were shaky, and I had to grab onto the wall for a moment, but I managed to stay upright.
“I'm fine. Honestly. I don’t kn… Know what happened there. It’s okay now, don’t worry about me.” I may have been telling a slight lie there, but I was supposed to be staying away from Frank, not getting him to help me.
“Something is obviously not right Gerard… wait, when was the last time you ate?” well that question was a bit unexpected. I guessed that, judging the circumstances, I couldn’t really lie. Plus, I could feel the giddiness returning again, and I slumped against the wall.
“Umm… I think it was F… Friday. At dinner. Yeah.” Frank's eyes widened at my revelation. I didn’t see what was wrong with that. I had gone a whole week once only eating six grapes and nothing else. “Frank, I'm fine will you quit worrying about me? I just n… Need to go to the toilets and sort myself out before class starts… Shit.” I added, as the bell for lessons sounded.
“Gerard…” Frank breathed. “You haven’t eaten since fucking Friday? Shit, that’s really bad! You need help Gee. Please, let me just fucking help you.”
“No! I do not need help! I don’t want your charity! I am f… Fine; I just need to get to the t… Toilets and get m… Myself together… C… Can you tell Mrs Williams I’ll be late? Thanks.” I slowly got to my feet again, and began tottering off in the general direction of the toilets. Fuck my head hurt so much. Then I remembered that to get to the toilets I had to go down a flight of stairs. Oh shit.
I stepped down; ignoring the weird stares I was getting from everyone, and tried to get my way down the steps. I couldn’t do this. I felt like I was about to fall over again, and I was sure that toppling down the stairs to hit the wall at the far bottom would be a lot more painful that just hitting the floor. I was contemplating just sitting down on the step I was swaying on when a hand caught my arm. I was so glad that the arm meant I wouldn’t fall over that I let the person carry on guiding me down the stairs, even when I turned my head slightly to blurrily see that it was Frank helping me.
Together we made it into the bathroom, and as soon as we got there I fell onto the floor, completely wiped out. I didn’t care anymore that Frank was there, I needed to sleep, die, whatever came first. Frank however, wouldn’t allow it. He rushed into the nearest toilet and grabbed a roll of toilet tissue, before darting back to the sink, wetting the paper and pressing it against my head. The tissue came away bright red, and I figured I must have cut my head when I had fainted. Ouch. The pain was enough to stop me from succumbing to the tiredness I felt, but I still felt the need to lean back against the wall and shut my eyes. I moaned again as a wave of pain crashed through my skull leaving me
“Gerard. Gee. You can't sleep. Wake up. Oh fuck this is so bad. Food. He needs food. Friday? Seriously? Shit, what if he’s concussed? Fucking hell.” He was muttering to himself as he took off his bag and dug through it, producing a bottle of water, a bag of cheese and onion crisps, two kit kat chunky bars, an apple, and a chocolate spread sandwich.
“Here.” Frank said, thrusting the food in front of my face. “Eat.” I looked at him aghast. He couldn’t be serious? In his hand was more food than I would usually eat in a week. Still, I did feel pretty bad, and I knew from the look on Frank’s face he wouldn’t let me go without eating something. Plus… chocolate spread had always been my downfall.
I slowly reached out for the sandwich, and took it from him, unwrapping the white bread from the little plastic bag it was in. Then I slowly edged the sandwich towards my mouth and took a minute bite.
Jesus Christ, I had forgotten how good chocolate spread tasted. I hadn’t had this stuff since I was eleven or something, and it was like heaven in my mouth. Before I knew what I was doing, I had finished the entire sandwich and felt uncomfortably full. I hadn't eaten so much in a small time period in years. Oh fuck I felt really guilty now. I shouldn’t have eaten that at all. Plus it was Frank’s food. Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
“I… sorry Frank, I ate your food.”
Frank grinned all of a sudden. “No shit, Gerard.” His face fell again, the smile sliding from his lips in a fashion that made me feel annoyed and disgusted with myself, and he resumed a look of complete and utter sombreness. “Why don’t you eat? Why did you lie to me when you said you did? Why did you ignore me? I was only trying to fucking help you!”
It seemed that when I was around, the only thing the atmosphere could be was awkward.
I sighed. “I don’t know Frank… to all of them.” This was partly a lie, but hey, I had done enough of that to Frank already, one more couldn’t hurt. It seemed like I lied to everyone. It was all I was good for- deceit.
Slowly the sugar rush from the chocolate kicked in, and I felt a lot less shaky and more human. Frank offered me some more of the food, but I shook my head vaguely and he stuffed it all back into his bag again. I did take a quick drink of water from the bottle though, wiping my mouth on my tatty sleeve before passing it back to Frank.
“I… Umm… I’m feeling much better now. I think we should get to class, you know? Thank you.” I uncurled my limbs and stood up, checking that every part of me before I considered myself ready to move. I was telling the truth at this point. Aside from a throbbing head from where I had whacked it, I was okay.
“Err… okay. Are you sure? We can stay here a little longer…” Frank looked like he was pleading me to stay here in the grotty loos for the rest of the lesson, but hell, I loved art with all my body and soul. I shook my head slightly, and took a step forward towards the exit of the toilets. “Wait!” Frank called out to me, stopping me in my tracks. Slowly, I turned and faced him, my eyebrow quirked.
“We can go in a sec, but first there’s something I want to ask you. It’s my birthday next month, and I'm gonna be having a massive party to celebrate. Will you come?”
It was kind of my worst nightmare, but Frank had helped me. I felt it was only necessary for me to repay the guy in some way. Fuck knew how I was going to explain this to Mikey. I nodded slightly and felt a little spark of emotion that I wasn’t used to feeling inside me ignite when Frank's grin stretched wider than I thought possible on a boy so short. He nodded eagerly before saying:
“Great! Like I said, it’s not until next month and shit, and I'll give you the details closer to the time, I just wanted to make sure you were coming. Awesome. Now, let’s fuck off to that lesson and get bored out of our motherfucking minds!”
I frowned slightly. “I like art.” I mumbled, picking up my bag and slinging it across my shoulders, wincing where it hit a particular place on my shoulders where I must have collapsed onto earlier. Ooh, that was painful.
“I know.” Frank replied, hefting his own bag, before striding out of the toilets and back to the art room.
And how did he know this exactly?
There you go my friends, family (huh, like my family care about this shit) and lovers. Please R&R again? Do you think this could go green, cos that would be really amazing and wonderful, cos I actually put loads of effort into getting this chapter right. I hope I succeeded!