Gerard's problem and Frank's question.
Gerard’s pain was so strong that Frank began to see flickers of Gerard’s past dance and twirl through his head. That older face that Frank’s seen before is lodged in his brain, and Gerard grips Frank’s waist again and lets out a broken bitter cry that slices Frank’s heart. Grief – grey and slimy – is tainting all the thoughts Frank has that aren’t his and as he looks up into Gerard’s face, there is a shimmering around it, and then Frank is gazing at… a shell of Gerard. While he still has the same forever beautiful features to Frank, there are deep purple shadows firmly set in the delicate skin under his eyes, his usually pale clear skin is grey tinted and covered in a sheen of sweat, his thin lips are dry and cracked and his green eyes are glassy and dull. Frank gasps, and Gerard groans in what sounds like despair and tries to pull away, but Frank only tightens his arms and sways gently, trying to get Gerard to calm down. He carefully stands on his toes and delicately places a kiss to Gerard’s cheek, but Gerard turns his head and Frank is carefully pressing his lips against Gerard’s trembling tear stained ones.
“It’s all an illusion Frankie” Gerard whispers hoarsely, like there are razor blades in his throat that slice the words that he’s trying to so hard to force out of his unwilling mouth. “Everything about me. What you’re so inexplicably attracted to is all a fucking lie” the anger and pain in Gerard’s voice and eyes is becoming more and more undiluted, but instead of the horror that Gerard seems to expect Frank to feel, Frank only feels a deep desperation to hunt down whatever is ripping Gerard apart from the inside and fucking beat it until it’s black and blue and begging for Frank’s mercy. Gerard looks so utterly vulnerable and so close to breaking point that all Frank wants to do right at this moment is to hold Gerard a little closer in the hope of keeping the shattered pieces of the green eyed boy’s soul together. The brutalization of whatever’s hurting Gerard can wait for now. He’s shaking, little sobs tearing through his body, causing ripples, so Frank tightens his arms and presses his face into Gerard’s shoulder, letting Gerard know that he was there. Frank runs his hands through Gerard’s soft ebony hair, and Gerard shivered.
“You still haven’t said why” Frank murmured against Gerard’s ear, his breath gently ruffling the ebony hair he still had his hands tangled in, and Gerard shuddered and pressed himself a little closer to Frank.
“Don’t Frankie – please I c-can’t, I don’t w-want to remember.” Gerard only sounds desperate now, and when Frank looks at his face, the pain is only in his eyes, accompanied by the beginning swirls of lust, whilst the sheer panic on his face makes Frank decide to leave whatever is scaring Gerard so much alone for now. But he will find out – if something has affected Gerard that badly and force him into leaving Frank, he wants to punch it’s fucking face in. But Gerard is worriedly scanning Frank’s face, pleading with him to drop it, and so Frank silently complies by nodding his head just once. Gerard relaxes completely and suddenly all that shows in is eyes is a lingering memory and a predatory hunger that Frank suspects is reflected in his own eyes. Whatever is there, Gerard clearly approves, because he lets out a small growl before getting rid of the little vein of space between them and crushing his lips to Franks with so much urgency that Frank is, once again, sandwiched between the wall and his roommate.
The one Frank doesn’t – and probably never will – understand is Gerard’s ability to jump from one emotion to the next. Five minutes ago he looked like going into the bathroom and slitting his wrists open was an option, and now he’s all over Frank. It was the same when they first met. Gerard spent as much time as he could trying to piss Frank off, and after destroying his stuff, ending up kissing him! Not that Frank particularly minds; it’s just sometimes it’s vaguely difficult to keep up. But he knows deep down that the crazy mood swings make Gerard, Gerard and fascinated Frank from the start. Right now though, all Frank can sense is Gerard – the warm skin of his neck and waist under Frank’s fingertips, the smell of his hair that’s stuck to Frank’s face, the taste of his tongue, the press of his body and the beat of lust that is pulsing through Frank’s brain like some insane heartbeat. Despite that, Frank can almost sense that Gerard is being cautious, careful and he has a sneaking suspicion that Gerard’s not made out with that many boys – or anyone, for that matter. He doesn’t care. He’s wanted Gerard since he first lay eyes on him, and his inexperience is hardly noticeable if Frank shut the fuck up and just concentrated on what was happening and not spend a ludicrous amount of time dwelling on shit that didn’t matter whilst shoving his tongue down Gerard’s throat. For the first time, Frank pulls away to pull some oxygen into his lungs. Gerard’s breathing heavily like he’s just run a mile and Frank scans those once again perfect features and gently touches the now white skin under Gerard’s right eye and smiled sadly.
“You don’t have to hide from me. Ever.” Frank whispered, stroking his thumb down Gerard’s cheekbone and then carrying on until he reached Gerard’s jawline, running his fingers along the soft skin and smirking slightly when Gerard shivers. Gerard rolls his eyes, and brings his head down slightly to nip behind Franks ear and Frank shudders and draws in a sharp breath. It’s Gerard’s turn to smirk and Frank swats at his face lightly, making Gerard giggle, before clapping his hands over his mouth and flushing. Frank looks quizzically at Gerard.
“I hate my giggle. It’s fucking girly.” Gerard says pouting and Frank laughs. The only way Gerard could be any girlier now was if he was in a dress, heels and make up. Although that thought led off to a thousand… interesting ideas, and Frank quickly pulled his thoughts elsewhere. Gerard had an uncanny knack of knowing what was going on in his head. Without the telepathy.
“It’s cute,” Frank coos at Gerard, earning him a slap on the arm.
“It is!” Frank insisted, and Gerard laughed again, and it stuck Frank that this was the first time he had ever seen Gerard properly happy. It makes him think back to just a little while ago, where Gerard looked like his guts were being turned inside out and someone had just killed his whole family or something. But, as Gerard pulled him closer again for another kiss, Frank decided he was going to leave Gerard to be happy for the time being.
Of course, that decision meant Gerard’s ‘happiness’ lasted all of two hours before he was “bored again!” and Gerard being bored usually meant Frank being seriously annoyed. The mess Gerard had made by trashing Frank’s shit had been cleaned up by now, but Frank was still swearing revenge on Gerard for that, and he also knew that just because they were sweetness and light now didn’t mean there wasn’t some big ass storm hiding round the corner, ready and waiting to piss on their parade. Gerard is not perfect by any means, although Frank has to admit neither is he and that is probably why they’re not one of those cuddly, puke-inducing couples. Were they even a couple? They’ve made out a few times and Gerard had called him “fucking beautiful”, as well as have a huge freaking panic attack during his little skirmish with Tom & co., but neither had asked the other out, and every time they did start shoving their hands all over each other Gerard always pulled back and said “I can’t do this”. Frank had started to say that for Gerard now, he’d heard it so often. But, no. They’re weren’t a couple, just two boys who shared a dorm with each other, who were – for whatever bizarre reason – attracted to each other and made out (and went a tiny little bit further) occasionally. If, of course, occasionally could be counted as every night after dinner. They spent a lot of time with one another, but still refused to sit together in the copse of trees – Frank always preferred sitting in the high up branches of the tree, whilst Gerard felt safer on the ground. He was still plotting revenge on Frank for putting him in a tree. That shit was scary.
Usually, Gerard initiated their little… sessions, and tonight was no different, except Frank wanted to ask Gerard something. They’d been messing around for a while now - even though they’d not gone very far – but Frank wanted Gerard for himself. He wanted to be able to kiss Gerard whenever, and wherever he wanted, he wanted to be able to be draped under Gerard’s arm all the time but most of all, he wanted to have the title of ‘Gerard’s boyfriend’. So he was going to ask him. He must mean something to Gerard; after all, you don’t just go round kissing any guy, and then end up making a tradition out of it. And somewhere along the line, Frank had fallen in love with Gerard. He’d always lusted after the green-eyed boy (because meeting your ridiculously hot roommate for the first time and said roommates is just in a goddamn towel would make anyone drool…) but after seeing Gerard nearly fall to pieces and panic about him so badly, Frank couldn’t help but surrender his heart. And he saw tints of something so tender in Gerard’s eyes when they were staring at each other… Frank couldn’t help himself any longer. He had to ask. He had to be with Gerard and confirm that this really meant something.
Gerard’s lips worked furiously against his own, and Frank nipped at Gerard’s lower lip, making Gerard groan into Frank’s mouth. Like a majority of their kisses, it was lusty – the kind that built pressure behind their eyes and created a knot in their lower stomach’s. Despite Gerard’s lack of experience, he was always more forceful and whilst Frank was no whiny submissive bitch, it did turn him on the way Gerard, the loner, cocky, art guy became this rough – shoving Frank into walls, onto the beds, against the door. Frank hadn’t realized he’d had a kink for just taking whatever was given to him, but apparently he did or maybe it was just Gerard. The whole thing was animalistic but Frank loved it and was always craving the next fix of Gerard’s lips against his. It seemed Gerard felt the same. This made Frank feel surer about asking Gerard, so when Gerard pulled away for air, Frank put his hand over the mouth he’d just been attached to. Gerard frowned momentarily, then his eyes crinkled with humour and he licked Frank’s hand. Frank laughed then took he hand away from Gerard’s mouth, pecked it with his own, before running his hand under Gerard’s jaw and staring into his eyes.
“Gerard… will you go out with me?” He murmured, glancing up to see what Gerard said, still lightly caressing Gerard’s jaw. Gerard suddenly froze, and then, in a action that was now so bitterly familiar to Frank, the door was swinging shut and Frank was – once again – on his own.
Only the hundred millionth time I've made Gerard go AWOL. I need to think up better reactions. Aside from the horribly expected 'Frank-freaks-Gerard-out-by-being-too-forward-so-Gerard-runs-away' scenario, what did you think? And yes, I'm going to drag this out for a while. Bit by bit. I bet most of you are like: "I know what's gonna happen!". You're probably right. But I have thought of something that I HOPE gives a bit of a twist. So mwa ha ha.
On a better and not so sadistic note, THIS CHAPTER WENT GREEN! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY! (You'd think ol' Ficwad would notice and y'know, stop making the outside rating 1, but I know that you all [for some bizarre reason I can't fathom] are enjoying this and making it motherfucking green(!), so I'm chill for now.) And I'm gald you were all so happy that the last chapter was up so fast, and I apologize for not doing that for this chapter.
Heymimusic: Your popcorn burnt! Stupid motherfucking balls of buttery goodness, Imma kick their asses! Plenty more Gerard: The Emotional Hurricane in the next chapters! Thank you :)
Carbon Jen: Thank you! I rarely get chapters up that fast - I think it was a personal record... :D I am writing some new shit that popped into my head the other day, but I've gotta write a bit more of it first. Might do a prologue...
fearsgottahold: What can I say? It's my way of having evil fun, MWA HA HA! Also, it makes it funnier for me cause I end up staring at my laptop thinking; what the fuck do I do/write now?! Thanks!
SyraStrange: You're not terrible! And your keyboard's fixed! The next chapter is ANGST. I haven't written it yet, but it will be. Moodiness for the win :D
raytorosfro: Nothing is better than skittles. No need to apologize :D And thank you for rating!
mychemicalbitchbot: Y U NO DRINK COFFEE? Ahem. Apologies, I'm a caffiene addict. People who do not drink coffee on a daily basis confuse me. Learning about Gerard will take time. Hee hee. And you have a funny way of guessing what my plot is. But you'll never guess what the MAIN problem is! MWA HA HA. Stalker tomato high five!
Merci-PourLeVenin: Thank you! Also: one) I LOVE your username. 'Merci Pour Le Venin' is actually written on my wall :') Two) And it was more fun to keep writing lots of moody battles, but I have to keep reminding myself not to make them too lovey and shit now :D
Love_it_or_leave_it: I've never made Gerard's power too clear, so I might have to get round to that... And thank you!
Eleonora: Glad I made your day a bit better :3 Did Gerard satisfy your curiousity? Mind you, he didn't say much... Anyways, thank you :D
UNTIL NEXT TIME.