Gerard wakes up.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The noise was never ending. I only first noticed it when I started to come up out of the deep, and then it seemed, as I tried to ignore it, it just got louder and more insistent. The thing was, was that I wanted to stay in the dark. I couldn’t remember why I did, but it just felt more comfortable for me, and I wanted to return to it.
But the fucking beeping would not fucking stop.
So, I admitted defeat. I cracked my eyelids open in an attempt to determine the source of the beeping, and then promptly destroy whatever that source was.
I wasn’t expecting to open my eyes to a white hospital room, and a nurse hovering at the end of my bed. The brightness of the walls stung my eyes like nothing ever had before, and a huge headache suddenly gripped my head, squeezing my eyes shut. I groaned softly, before blinking rapidly and letting my eyes adjust to the harshness of the walls.
The nurse smiled. “Hey there Mr. Way. Good, you're awake. I’ll go and tell the doctor.” She then waltzed out the room, leaving me no chances to ask him why the fuck I was in there in the first place.
I tried to sit up properly, and go find someone who would tell me why I was in a fucking hospital bed, before I realised I couldn’t move that far. I couldn’t move, because there was an IV drip in my arm.
Oh shit. Needles.
There was a needle in my arm. I didn’t do needles. Needle scared me. It was in me. That thing had pierced my skin in a way that I really didn't want to think about and it was in me.
I couldn’t help it, but my breathing began to get faster without me really noticing. I was just lying there, body slightly elevated, staring at the metal in my arm.
A hand suddenly touched my other arm, at the elbow, and I jerked my eyes round to see Frank next to me, looking tired and pale, wearing the remnants of last nights red eyeliner. I recoiled, remembering last night.
Yeah, all of it up to the part where I blacked out. It’s pretty difficult to remember things when you're unconscious.
Frank jerked his hands away at my sudden flinching, but he still stood quite close to me. He looked uncomfortable, and his right hand seemed to be slightly red. Red from punching my brother in the face, I recalled. Surprisingly, I wasn’t too bothered about
“What… What happened?” I rasped, looking up at Frank. He sighed, then pulled a chair so it was beside the bed, and sat on it.
“How much do you remember?” He asked; his face taut and hooded. He looked upset and in turmoil, but at the same time he looked slightly relieved. Relieved at what? Me waking up? I sighed. It would be nice if Frank cared for me like that. But he didn’t, he was straight. Straight, like I should be, if I wasn’t such a massive fuck-up. I wasn’t even sure if I was gay, or bisexual, or whatever. But what I did know was that I felt something for Frank; even if he was a massive dickhead sometimes. Namely, last night.
I swallowed nervously. “Umm… I remember the thing in the bedroom, where you… You hugged me, and then Mikey…” I gulped again, my breath hitching slightly before I could continue. “Then I ran… that’s all I can remember.”
Frank exhaled heavily. “Okay. Well… after you ran Mikey tried to go after you but he needed to clean himself up…” at this Frank’s cheeks blushed slightly. “So I went after you, and I found you. You were in the woods out the back of my house, Christ; you must have run at least three miles. You were so fucking cold, and shivering; and I couldn’t move you so I phoned an ambulance… You’ve got hypothermia, Gerard, but you're okay. You're okay now. And I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have done that… I should have kept my calm and let you explain, but fuck, just hearing Mikey say that about you, I just went into, like, hurt mode. I'm so sorry.”
I could tell from how uncomfortable Frank was that he wasn’t used to making apologies. But I could also tell that he meant the apology. He meant it, and he was really sorry. I didn’t know how I could tell this. Maybe it was from the dejected slump of his shoulders, maybe the way his voice hitched on the word ‘sorry.’ Maybe I just liked Frank too damn much that I was willing to go with anything he said.
“I forgive you.” I said. Then I shifted on the bed, drawing my attention back to the fucking needle in my fucking arm. “Frank.” I hissed, my voice strained.
Frank looked back up at me, his eyes full of concern.
“Frank. I fucking hate needles. Can't. I can't stand them. Frank, shit.”
Frank shifted until he was closer to my face, his eyes concerned and he looked upset. “Gerard… I can't do anything about that, you got to keep it in ‘till the doctor takes it out… What can I do?”
I was shaking again, full on shaking. I gritted my teeth in an attempt to stop the movement before gasping out loud. “Hold my hand. Please, just take my fucking hand.” come on, you would have put that in there as well if you were me
Frank looked a bit disgusted that he had to do something so poncy but he immediately complied, and the feel of skin against mine, Frank’s skin on mine, calmed me down, and took the focus away from the needle. I just lay there, still trembling vaguely.
Frank continued to hold me hand, rubbing soothing circles into my palm which made me shiver with delight, relaxing completely. Gradually, as the seconds went by, I started thinking. I had never been kissed; I never got close enough to anyone before. I had been fucked, in a way that made me grimace at the thought, but never kissed. But Frank… Even though he had some bad qualities, he helped me. He made me better. I had never got as close to him as I had with anyone else before, barring my family.
“Frank?” I whispered, voice laced with curiosity, and worry.
“Hmm?” Frank said back, fingers still massaging my hand.
“Frankwillyoukissme?” The words came out rushed, too fast, and I instantly regretted them. Of course Frank didn’t like me like that. He was cool and amazing, and I was just the socially retarded weirdo who couldn’t touch anyone without freaking the fuck out. Why the fuck did I have to make good things so undeniably awkward? I should just stop speaking so I wouldn’t have to go through this shit ever again.
Frank tensed, fingers stilling for a moment. Then he exhaled, and looked at me. His eyes were bright and he nodded. “I've always wanted to. It’s why I broke up with Emma, y’know? That’s why I wanted to tell you, before you… Err… fainted. But I’ve always wanted to kiss you.” He breathed, and my breathing hitched.
Had I really just heard Frank say that?
Slowly, Frank rose out of the chair next to mine, sat and faced me, eyes fixed on mine.
“Are you completely sure about this? I don’t want to do something you will regret…”
I shook my head vehemently. “I want this.”
Frank leant forward, until he was inches away from my face. Shit he looked so gorgeous. His eyes were still fixed on mine, and they were huge and hazel, flecked with brown and green. I wished that my eyes were like his, but I could never look like him. I could still appreciate his face though, and I did, reaching my hand and placing it on is face at the side, so my hand was touching his hair. Fuck his hair was soft and just fucking amazing. Jesus, he was so hot. His lip ring was glinting at me, until I was unable to look away from his lips. They were red and full, and just so fucking pretty.
I leant forward until our noses were touching, both of us breathing heavily, before I shut my eyes and Frank closed the rest of the distance until both our lips were touching.
Now, I had never been kissed before, so I knew I wasn’t really very good at it at all, but fuck, it felt fucking awesome. Frank's lips were sliding across mine, warm and wet. Neither of us opened our mouths, instead, we just placed feather-like touches where our lips met. It was enough for me. I vaguely remembered hearing somewhere that mouths were the most sensitive part of someone’s body, and at that moment I didn’t doubt it. Frank's lips were soft, but not too much. His lip-ring, on the other hand, was slightly colder than his mouth, and the contrast sent a shiver throughout the whole of my body, starting at my head and working its way down my body. His lips were the best thing ever. In fact, they were pretty much perfect. I never wanted it to end.
Inevitably, I didn’t always get what I wanted.
Frank pulled away first, our mouths parting with a small, wet pop. He leant back, while I just continued to sit there, eyes shut, one of my arms raised to touch my mouth.
Did that really just happen?
I opened my eyes to see Frank staring at me, his cheeks pink.
Yeah, it had happened.
A large swell of joy swept over me. I had been kissed. Been kissed by Frank. The gorgeous, beautiful, popular Frank. “Thank you.” I whispered.
Frank grinned. “No problem. I never duck down at the chance of getting some action.” He winked, then scrambled off the bed as the door opened again, showing a doctor and the nurse who had been in the room earlier.
“Hello!” The doctor said cheerfully, looking at the heart rate monitor by my bed, then the sheet of paper at the bottom of the bed. “This all looks good. The IV and the monitor can come out now I think. We can get you home. You’ve been very lucky, young man, and you can thank the other young man right next to you. He has stayed with you all night.” I glanced over at Frank, a blush creeping over his features.
“Now.” I slowly lifted my head up to face the doctors again, not liking the sudden seriousness of his voice. “Mr Way, you are a little malnourished. I'm sure that everything is fine, but I just want to ask you if there is anything going on in your home life at the moment that we should know about? This is for your own good, remember.”
I tensed. Next to me I could tell that Frank was just itching to say something, but I knew that there was nothing wrong with me. I was just trying to lose some weight, and I needed to that was all.
“I'm fine.” I snapped. “Please, I just want to go home. Does… Does my mum know I’m here?”
The doctor smiled, but he still looked slightly troubled. “Yes, she does. She will be coming over to the hospital as soon as her shift at work finishes, she said. And lets get that IV out of your arm then, if you are so sure that you want to go. Remember, that we are here to help you, we are not against you. If you have a problem then we are here…” The doctor trailed off at the look on my face.
“I’m fine.” I repeated.
The doctor nodded, and then said a few quiet words to the nurse that I couldn’t decipher, before the woman nodded, and came over to take out the IV.
“Gerard. You might want to look away.” Frank warned me. I looked away from the arm that had the drip in, and then focused my eyes on Frank's face, holding my hand out so he could grip it tight. I knew that I probably looked insane to the nurse, but even after the IV had been taken away from my arm I still carried on staring at Frank, who in turn stared right back. My stomach kept flipping over and over, reminding me every two seconds or so that I had kissed this guy. Kissed him. On the lips. My first fucking kiss. Nothing, not even the stupid probing doctors could stop the grin from stretching over my face at the thought.
Things didn’t seem as bad when Frank was there, even if he was intimidating.
Frank's like that, I thought to myself. Frank was complex, and difficult and angry, but Frank was Frank, and that was enough for me.
More than enough.
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