Categories > Original > Humor

Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

by BoomBoomJude 6 Reviews

God, I have an idea. That idea involves you looking at this list I made.

Category: Humor - Rating: PG - Genres: Drama,Horror - Characters:  - Published: 2012/02/18 - Updated: 2012/02/19 - 413 words


  • Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    (#) xXLaylaxX 2012-02-24 04:32:39 PM

    A-fucking-men. I'm tired of all these stuck up, pompous assholes that call themselves 'Christans'. I mean aren't they supposed to be loving and excepting and all that jazz? But tell them that you're gay/lesbian/bisexual or support them, they go into 'your soul is going to burn in hell!1' mode. If heaven is full of shitheads like that, then I'd rather go to hell.

    And I don't understand how Christans can pray and pray and pray about something and when their god doesn't answer them, they just shrug it off as 'he has a better plan for me'. When I was going through the toughest time of my life and I was still a Christan, needless to say I got no reply.

    People need to get their head outta their asses

    Author's response

    Exactly. You know, there's this really cool site called It's kinda boring with long reading, but it makes a whole tonna sense.

    That was probably the best part of the site, but you know, that's just me.
  • Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    (#) Shiwoggi 2012-02-28 01:56:45 PM

    11 - You hate all homosexuals, bisexual, pansexuals, transexuals and tranvestites, calling them "unholy filth", yet still claim your God loves everyone

    Also, you just described my parents. Try being bi in that enviroment. It sucks. Catholics.

    Religion makes me want to be sick. It's just a bunch of stuck up tossers believing in some completely unproved "divine force" that they defend with thier lives.

    That and the fact my parents are convinced that I can be "healed" as if I'm fucking sick or something - which I'm not. You and take your fucking good-for-nothing prayers and pray for something worthwhile, if you want to believe in that rubbish.

    Sorry about that. But I totally agree, Christainity has become more and more intolerant of everything, and is still on thier high horse claiming to love everything. Which they don't - they only love the idea of certain things; which doesn't involve listening to "devil's music" like Avenged Sevenfold or Bullet For My Valentine, wearing too much black or liking girls as well as guys.

    Can someone tell these people that they're the ones that need help, thankyouverymuch? Fuck's sake...

    Author's response

    I hear you.
  • Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    (#) RyanCyanideKiller 2012-08-01 07:01:17 PM

    Just gonna say this upset me and I found it offensive. I don't expect you to take it down or anything, but as a Catholic I can say everything here you listed most Christians I know would disagree with.

    Author's response

    You know some lovely religious folk then.
  • Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    (#) scarlett_fitch2027 2012-10-17 09:39:58 AM


    LOL try coming from a Barbadian black family of Creationalists. No no, that's mean, my family are all lovely people and most of them are pretty tolerant too. I do wish they'd lay off the Christian pop-rock though...

    Although I found myself clapping and feeling a pretty weird urge to start feeding you grapes while reading this, I have to emphasise the fact that not all Christians, indeed religous person, thinks like this. Only fundamentalists, like you mentioned in your title. And I totally agree that these people are apeshit cray, however you gotta be careful about generalising and stuff. The true meaning of Christianity is to be loving and forgiving and that...just somewhere along the line I think it got pretty confused.

    But nice one for having the balls for putting something like this up here. I salute you, sir!


    Author's response

    I was a bit nervous at putting this up at first, mainly because I've seen many religious folk here. But it looks like its been taken pretty well, thank Crikey.

    My own family is Christian, so I can relate to the music problem very well. I haven't even had grapes in the longest time (I would very much enjoy being fed them).

    You are exactly right about not generalizing about a group of people; I know some Christians that are extremely tolerant and not bizarre over their religion whatsoever. It depends on the persons mindset, I suppose, along with their upbringing.

    And thank you again for your review, it's lovely to have someone go through and analyze so they can make a good conversation.
  • Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    (#) RyanCyanideKiller 2012-12-28 08:14:20 PM

    Even though its been fucking months since I reviewed, I'm sorry I sounded like a cunt! I actually tend to take this kinda stuff personally. I let my temper get the better of me. I'm sorry.

    Author's response

    Aye, something like this would've been sorely appreciated by Jude a month ago. Though people will always have opinions and they must be respected.

    I'll let you in on something though; this was a document Jude found on our mothers laptop and he actually agreed with it, so he posted it. I suppose he did out of the fact that it was something he could actually share with our mother in a way, because she never did like him at all and he needed to prove some bond to himself.

    Makes you think a bit, why people post things and the details behind it.
  • Top Ten Signs That You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    (#) RyanCyanideKiller 2013-05-07 12:59:19 AM

    I understand having a rough relationship with a parent. My dad and I never got along.

    I still feel like a major douche. I'm sorry.

    And I'm sorry for bothering you again.

    I think most of my immediate (unjustified) hostility was because of some of my background. Where I grew up, believing in God makes you "retarded" and "a child". That's totally different from where most people grew up/live. My brother and I seriously got bullied for being religious, so its still one of those things that will make me hostile.

    I'm sorry.

    I do appreciate how he wasn't afraid to post this, even though I reacted in an immature way. That takes a lot of guts and balls of steel.

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