I stopped right in my tracks. "Your house?"
"Yes, my dear, my house. Is there a problem?" He asked furrowing his eyebrows.
Dear? I blushed. 'Was there a problem?' I tought. He was just trying to be friendly right? He wants us to get to know each other. That's why he wants to take me to his house. That's what friends do right?
"No, no. I'd be glad to go." I answered rapidly.
I had a chance to make a friend and I'm gonna take it! Oh who am I kidding? I wanted to go because I was hoping something would happen between me and Gerard. I mean, that kiss definitely meant something. It's not like he's some axe murderer or something like that so no need to be afraid.
"Ok Great!" He cheered.
The whole walk I tried making conversation with Gerard. He ignored me the whole time, it was as if I wasn't even there, he kept muttering things I couldn't make out to himself so I finally gave up and just followed him.
Why did he did he do that so much? Mutter things to himself. And why did he keep ignoring me? Maybe he tought I was annoying. I don't want him to think that. I stayed quiet the rest of the way.
It took us a good 20 minutes to arrive at a red brick two story house, which I found out was his after watching him make his way trough the little pad directed to the door. I followed. It was a common house, just like mine, in fact just like all the other houses around here. 'There is no place for individuality.' I tought. I noticed all the windows where dark and you couldn't see anything from the inside. He entered the house. I just stood there in the doorway.
"You're not coming in?" He asked me raising an eyebrow.
Oh now he notices me! After the whole 20 minute walk! I nervously stepped foot inside the house.
I took in my surroundings. Almost everything was dark. The only source of light coming from a lamp standing on a corner table. Eventough it was hard to see my eyes adjusted to the darkness. Every single window had black curtains. 'Wtf?' I tought.
"There's no one home." He told me.
"Wanna see my room? In my opinion it's the best place in this house." He said proudly. I nodded and he lead me up the stairs.
With every step I took I felt more and more anxious. What was I about to see? What would his room look like? And most importantly; What would we do in there? Oh fuck! Did I just said that? I still can't help but feel a knot in my stomach. I berely met the guy and we already kissed. Was this going too fast? Probably. But I mean, who could resist?
I followed him all the way up and through what seemed like a never-ending hallway. This house was bigger than it seemed. I bumped into various things and tripped once on something that felt like a book due to the lack of light. Gerard took my hand guiding me trough the dark hallway. He stopped at the very last door.
"This is my room." He said smiling wickedly. He opened the door and pulled me inside.
It was hard to see, in fact I couldn't se ANYTHING. The house was really dark, but his room was like a black hole, and I didn't like the dark, at all.
"I can't see anything." I told him extending my arms trying to find a light switch.
"I really like the darkness you know?" He said standing behind me breathing into my neck startling me. 'I kinda noticed.' I tought to myself.
"Sometimes it's better to live in the darkness than seeing things that you'll wish you never saw." He said running a finger down my spine.
"But if you insist..." he said removing his finger from my lower back. I relaxed a little.
That was until he turned the lights on.
I was shocked! No, I was stunned!
There was a wall full of all kinds of drawings...of...me.
The first tought that came to mind was 'How did he manage to do this? He only met me today!'
I was too frightened to move or speak. Gerard had a wicked smile and his eyes boring into mine.
"I can still remember the first time I saw you in perfect detail. It was one week before classes started. You we're skating in the park with some other guys that looked like they we're teasing you. I tought about walking up to you guys and see what was happening but decided against it. You walked away, head hanging low and sat at a bench next to the water fountain. You looked really broken. I was sitting down a tree close enough to admire your beautiful features. Luckyly I always carry a sketchpad everywhere I go. And scince then I couldn't stop drawing you." He said getting closer.
Memories came flooding back to my head.
It had just been one day after we moved to NJ. I didn't wanna be stuck having to help my mom and the guys she paid carry the boxes into our new home. So I decided to go explore. I took my skateboard scince I remembered passing by a park not too far away from the house.
When I got there there was already a couple guys that looked my age hanging around.
Me being the antisocial misfit that I am decided to ignore them. It didn't took too long for them to notice me tough and before I could leave they we're already throwing insults my way.
"Hey you girly!" One of them said.
"No Martin, it's not a girl, look at him, he's a fag." Another one said.
"Yhea look at him! He's wearing eyeliner!" 'Martin' said.
Similiar insults continued being spat my way until I had had enough and left hoping they wouldn't follow me. Luckyly they didn't. I was about to go home but I remembered the unpacking had to be done so I just sat on the closest bench. Head hanging low. My self steem was shit.
I raised my head to take a look around the park.
There we're middle aged woman running. Kids playing on the grass and the sand box throwing devilish glances at each other. I felt jelousy, they didn't have to worry about anything. They didn't have to worry about fitting in, or taking the right choices or being rejected.
It was then that I saw a dark figure sitting down below an Oak tree looking my way. I couldn't make out their face. At that time I didn't think much about it. He was just a random person sitting under a tree.
Oh how mistaken I was.